Heather Hogan, author of Can There Be More?

Choices.......

2009-08-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

Everyday we are met with choices. Choices are not always easy, nor are they supposed to be. As children we start out with having to choose the outfit we want to wear to school, and move on to having to choose our friends. From there we have to choose whether or not to cave into peer pressure and do what the rest of the crowd is doing or stand up for ourself and take a stand against what is wrong.

Some choose to go down the right path, while others willlingly choose to go down the wrong path. Some don't know which path to choose, they are unsure of themselves, and can't decipher between what is right and what is wrong. Even some choose the wrong side deciding they will just deal with the consequences later.

As parents we are meant to help guide our children to make the right choices. We are to love and nurture them while allowing them to become independent and skillful in their everyday decisions. This is not always easy. I believe that we can learn a lot about ourselves by the decisions we make. I always point out what was right or wrong with a decision my children make. By pointing out the differences between a great decision, or choice, and a wrong one we are giving the child the tools they need to decipher how to look at a situation, assess the situation, and choose the right path as they continue to grow in age and maturity. I try to never belittle my childrens choices. Instead, I help them learn from their decision.

As an adult, I continue at times to make bad choices. We are all humans, no one is perfect and we all have flaws. A bad choice can only harm you if you don't learn from that decision you made. As an adult, I no longer make decisions knowing the consequences are going to come back and bite me in the bum, but I do not feel I assess situations with total clearity at times. I am learning, growing, but I will never be perfect. I can only do my best, if you do your best then there should be no regrets.

The worst choices we seem to make come when we are under extreme stress from money and outside pressures. We have to learn to step back, take a deep breath, and look at the situation for what it is before we make a detrimental decision that will harm ourselves or others. I am thrity nine and I am still learning this!

I work with my children constantly about life lessons and how the choices they make can profoundly affect them and others. I want them to be able to make better choices than I have at times as an adult.

I can say this; all of my choices, as well as yours, are your own. Embrace them, if they were great choices, remember them, if they were bad choices, learn from them, and if you made a choice but could have made a better one remember that the next time the dilemma comes up. For choices and decisions never go away, they just hopefully get easier as you learn and grow in this crazy world!

My First TV Appearance

2009-07-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share my first TV interview with all my followers. Click on the link below!

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/parenting_babies&id=6772404

I hope you enjoy!

Heather

I Was Wrong......

2009-06-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

If you read my book you know that my father was an abuser. He was an alcoholic and abused me physically and mentally for years. I told many tales of what and who my father was in my book, and the hell he inflicted on my soul. But I also forgave my father, for my father did the best that he could do given his circumstances.I don't know how many men could have survived what he survived. I won't go into all of it, but he was emotionally tortured at the age of 29. The love of his life, my mother walked out the door on December 31, 1972 around 1:00 pm, in the afternoon, to run to the grocery store and never returned. He got the call that my mother was dead while watching his eight month old son crawl across the floor, my brother, and his two daughters laughing and playing. That would have been my sister and me. We were three and seven at the time.After going down to the hospital to ID his dead wife he had to come home and face his three babies. All of his friends gathered that evening, not to celebrate the New Year, but to help my father mourn. I was told I kept asking for my mother. Finally, with all of our friends and family watching my father put my sister and I each on one of his knees and told us we would never see our mother again.My father turned to alcohol. His drunk driving arrests in the last 35 years come in around 28. He is wanted in three different counties in Illinois for skipping out on bail and probation: Kane, Cook, and Lake.Over the last few years he has come and seen me, lived in Vegas, and simply annoyed me with his rants and raves. He is extremelly biiter, and angry that he lost my mother. He has never gotten over her, and at times still breaks down in tears when he mentions her name. The last year has been super tough with my father. I have moved past his abuse, but he still at time manipulates and demoralizes me. I just didn't have it in me to call him on Father's Day. It is the first one I have missed. I never stopped talking to my dad, I couldn't do that. I love my father. He is my dad, and like I said he did the best he could.My father was arrested in Indiana and extradited back to Illinois eight days ago. He is now sitting in Cook County Jail, and I am numb. Me, Heather, the one who always forgives, and knows how precious life is and what every day on this earth means, didn't call my father and now he sits in jail all alone and I am sure is crying, depressed, and suicidal. I don't think he will get out this time or see the light of day outside of Cook County Jail. I am ill. I will make it right. I will write to him, just like I do everytime he is in jail, I will apologize and I will cry. But it doesn't cancel my cruelty in my silence. How dare I be so cold! I am not perfect and he has tried to be a good father. I should have called!I am here to tell you, and I have said this before, forgive, love, cherish, nurture, and worship the ones you love, forget past mistakes, move on, live your life to the fullest, never take anyone for granted, and wake up every morning with kindness in your heart and compassion and empathy in your words!

Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

I will start with Farrah since she died first today. I was Jill Munroe for many of my young elementary years. My two girlfriends, Shawn and Vanessa, and I played Charlies Angels everyday. I was steadfast in my commitment to play the part of Jill Munroe.Oh yes, I had the feathered hair, and eventually tried to wear an orange one piece bathing suit. You know, the bathing suit that Farrah wore in the famous poster that every guy had pinned up in his bedroom. No one could be Farrah. When she married the six million dollar man I finally said to myself, "Heather, give it up!"She was sixty two years old and a huge part of my childhood, as well as, many of yours. Her longtime love Ryan O'Neal said he would marry her as soon as she had the strength to say yes. Well she never got enough strength to say yes before she passed. I want you to ponder that for a moment. They had an over twenty year love affair, at times turbulent and at times tender. What does this say to you? I am going to tell you what it says to me.It says, that we as humans are way to caught up in things that are so unimportant and we usually don't get our wake up call until it is too late.So wake up people, seize the moment, seize the day, it is your day today and everyday. It is up to you to wake up and scream, "I am alive, thank you God, and life is glorious." Ryan and Farrah didn't get their chance for their own utopia because of Hollywood and all the crap that comes along with it. I do also believe, in the end, Farrah got it. She truly realized what was precious. But I believe the real lessons here were learned by Ryan O'Neal. I believe he finally realized he had the love of his life in his grasp for half his life and let it slip away. Don't make the same mistake.Michael Jackson is the king of pop! I loved Michael Jackson growing up and still listent to Black and White, Billie Jean, and Thriller on my ipod. I was on the stairclimber listening to Madonna when the news broke about Michael. Right then my Madonna song ended and Michael's song Billie Jean began. I shed a tear and thought about his children.I don't want to hear he is a molester, a freak, or a sicko. He had demons in his closet that most of us couldn't have handled. He didn't handle them well at times, but he tried! He tried to be normal in his abnormal world and eventually he gave up. He eventually became as scary to us as his world was to him. I think he was scared.Do you know that he weighed 110 pounds at five feet ten inches? Why? He had issues. I don't think we will ever know if he molested those kids because their parents took a pay off to stop the trial. What does that tell you about the parents and the allegations? I can tell you if Michael Jackson truly molested my children I would never have let him off to collect money!He was fifty years old and on the brink of a world tour. I would have loved to see him perform again. No one can dance like Michael. No one can perform like Michael and Michael is gone. I am sad to see him go. I don't know why people say such horrible things about others on the day they died. It is strange to me to celebrate the death of someone when their loved ones are mourning their loss. I think the world has forgotten what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is the essence of life. Without forgiveness you don't have love and if you don't have love in your heart you are not living you are existing! So, Michael you will be missed. I loved your energy, your dancing and your fight to fit into a world that you couldn't quite fit into. You did the best that you could do with the tools you were given. I pray you took your lessons with you when you took your last breath and left the pain behind.Now, on a happy note, Shaq is going to Cleveland! How excited are we? LeBron and Shaq! I am ready for the NBA to start!

Deportation

2009-06-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie "Crossing Over" two nights ago. It stars Harrison Ford and others. Harrison Ford's character is an immigration police officer. They show him and his squad raiding sweat shops in LA and busting illegal immigrants all over Los Angeles.I never knew how the immigration system worked here in the United States nor did I know anything about a six month visa, extending your visa, and what can happen to you if you are busted for illegally living in the United States of America. I know since 9/11 laws have been changed, some for the worse, and some for the better. My girlfriend and I have been argueing about a part of the movie. In the movie a fifteen year muslim girl gives a speech to her high school class defending the 9/11 suicide bombers. She basically says that the bombers and Bin Laden, needed to get their message heard and this the way they had to go about it. She pointed out that after our own planes crashed into our own buildings their voices, the suicide bombers and Bin Laden's, were heard. I thought to myself, "Hmm, I still don't know what message Bin Laden was trying to get us to hear. I was too busy mourning for the lives lost, the devastation of being attacked on our own soil, and crying for the famililes that were left to mourn their loved ones."Any message that I was supposed to hear, if I wasn't so busy being outraged and sad, would have fallen on deaf ears because who in their right mind could kill so many innocent people to make a point? Only a psycho, and I don't want to hear what a psycho says.The girl in the movie went on in her speech to basically say Americans are ignorant. The principle reported her to the FBI who sent immigration officers to her house. Her room was searched and her computer was picked apart. They found several sites she visited pertaining to suicide bombers and other sites that were sympathetic to terrorists.In the end, immigration deported her and her mother, both whom were residing in California illegally, and allowed her father and her two siblings who were citizens of the United States to stay. The siblings were born here. As this fifteen year old girl was boarding the plane to be deported back to her country I was cheering the TV. My friend thinks this was terrible. I am all for allowing any person from any country into the United States of America if they are here legally and are not sympathetic to terrorists and their cause! Was I wrong guys? Should she have been allowed to stay? Yes, this was a movie, but these things happen. Unfortunately, the Patriot Act has opened up peoples lives to be studied like an open book for our government. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I believe it is both! I believe the system is flawed. But I also believe the system works. Any insight?

If I Had To Do It All Over Again...Job choice 2

2009-06-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

This job requires travel, at times to exotic locations, and dark alleys. I will dress in super sexy black clothing while scaling the outside of the SIS building also known as the M16 building aka the British Secret Intelligence Service headquarters.
Once I get in the building I will slink down dark corridors looking for the office of the head of the British Intelligence. Once I come upon it, I will use his finger, the head of the British Intelligence, on the pad that requires an exact match of his finger print that I cut off of him after a long interrogation on how to get into his office and where the chip I need is located.
Once in his office I realize I tripped a secret blue ray light that beams every one and half seconds. Only you don't see the blue ray light, it is actually a mist. Once I realize I have tripped the secret alarm I check the monitors in his office and realize I have less than three minutes until security arrives.
After finding his laptop I tear the keyboard in half with my tool that was given to me by a specialist at Langley; it is known as the "tool that tears off key boards in the M16 Building." Once I find the chip I plan my exit. Darn it, the helicopters have arrived. This makes a quick exit off the roof with my super long rope attached to a bow and arrow with a suction cup on the end of the arrow to stick to the glass of the building adjacent to the SIS impossible.
After realizing the enemy have swormed the elevators and the stairs I decide I must cut a hole in the glass of the window with my torch which is stored in one of my many pockets of my super sexy black low rider pants. Actually, the seam between the top of the zipper and the bottom of the zipper is five inches, that leaves room for a kick butt looking belt that I can carry other tools on from the speciallist at Langley.
Once I have torched a hole in the window, just big enough for me to squeeze threw, I throw my head out of the hole to check out how to get down the 25 floors I am up. Just then, bullets come at me from the helicopter that has just shown itself above the adjacent building. Thank God for bullet proof glass in the M16 building!
I decide I must do a running jump outside of the office window hole. I back up outside the office. I check out my adorable black hat I am wearing in my reflection from the glass window on the door. I give myself my best smile and then start my sprint to the window.
I dive through the window. I have a gun in each hand. I took the mandatory gymnastics class at Langley, so while flying through the air I do a few cartwheels while taking out the snipers in the helicopters. I then shoot my arrow gun against the outside of the building and slam into the window on the second floor. I am a bit shook up, but I unsnap myself from the rope that I was hooked on and fall the two stories and land on my feet.
I then run two blocks east and take a left, then I run one block north take a right and three blocks south and jump into the waiting van. When I get in the white van I scream, "GO GO GO GO."
I am driven through some very windy roads over looking cliffs with jagged rocks underneath and waves crashing on those rocks. The full moon illuminates the water perfectly. We drive through a tunnel come out the other side and press the button and wait for the door to open on the side of the mountain.
We pull in and I jump out. I hand the man in the very expensive Italian suit the chip. I pull my hat off, shake my hair out, apply my lipgloss. straighten out my shirt, throw my belt off to the side, change my boots to heels, and tell them, "Mission is complete, you know where you can find me."
You got it, I would love to be a secret agent! How hot would that be. I would love every minute of it.

If I Had To Do It All Over Again

2009-06-18T08:19:00.002-07:00

If you could do it all over again would you change anything? Would you change one or two things?Would you go to a different college, marry a different spouse, have kids sooner or later or really be smart and not have any kids and just travel? That last example was a joke!
I have pondered this question before. You probably think I was pondering this question while sitting in a canoe in the middle of a peaceful lake while Mark was rowing and smiling at me while confessing his love! Not! It usually comes when the kids are screaming, Mark and I are disagreeing over something stupid, or I am dropping off my kids in the carpool lane I have waited for ten minutes to get to the front and realize the mother two cars ahead of me has gotten out of her, zipped up Johny's jacket, kissed him ten times, checked his lunch, combed his hair, gave him another hug, and did one more homework check. This is usually when my kids say, "Mom, please don't say anything, you will embarass us. Mom, please just roll up your window, we right on time." I reluctantly shut my mouth even though I want to scream out the window, "Listen dumb shit this is a drop off lane, your kid gets out, you stay in and drive off." I never do, for I know if I do the battle of the words will ensue and God forbid I don't get the last word in.
So, anyway, I believe you all know what I am going to say. I wouldn't change a thing. I would go through every thing I have gone through all over again because it made me who I am today. I am proud of myself, I love myself, and I respect myself. I do feel I am strong and I know there are very few situations you could put me in that I wouldn't come out of rockin' and rollin'. I am not bragging, I just feel it took me a long time to get here, I worked for what I am and who I am, why would I change it?
I hope you all say the same thing. I hope you all love yourselves and realize what powerful, strong, smart, beautiful, kind, generous, empathetic and loving individuals you are. If you don't realize that yet, it is only because someone did a number on you and you still haven't gotten their number. One day you will come out of the fog to see the light and realize who you are. We are all the same. No one is better and no one is worse. We just all get to our desinations at different times. I believe the ones that haven't arrived at the arrival gate will get there as long as they keep hope and faith alive.
I love writing. I love writing books, blogs and articles. It is my passion and something I will do forever and hopefully I can support my family doing it. BUT if I HAD to do it all over again, and my path called for a different map, there are three careers that I would choose to explore. One will shock you, one will not surprise you and the other one will just make you think, "Yea, that's Heather."
The one that will not surprise you is a doctor. Well maybe that surprised you! If you ever watched a horror movie with me and saw me scream and almost faint at the sight of blood it would surprise you. I cannot even watch my kids get shots, but doctors fascinate me.
Doctors are brilliant, talented, hard workers, and they change peoples lives and their moral. I cannot even imagine having the ability to look at my patient before surgery and tell them I will save their life. I cannot imagine having the control and ability to help people live, to cure them, to mend them, to heal them and to shower them with my happiness and show them gratitude for putting their life in my hands.
And yes of course, the hospital looks like a fun place to work. There is always action, drama, fights between nurses and doctors and doctors and nurses stemming from arguments over diagnoses, theories, and which medicines to prescribe. I am sure their are some great sex situations going on also. Sorry, had to throw that in. Movies, I know!
A doctor gives up a lot of time and herself. Their family comes second, that would be hard, but you are doing a job for the greater good of mankind, how awesome! I know that I would be the doctor that made a ton of money and then I would off to the jungles in Peru or the plains of Africa to cure the sick and needy with a team of specialist to help. I would work to help the under priviledged for as long as I could.
There are so many sick people in Third World Country's that die horrible deaths that could be prevented. If I had the means and the capability that is what I would do. I guess maybe when I die if I am to be reincarnated and I could choose my next life I would choose to be a doctor and humanitarian!
I don't have time to write to the other two professions that I would like to experience if I lived a different life right now. The kids are all at the park, it is 8:06, one friend has to be home @ 8:15 and the five others have to get in and take showers!

Why Women Should Watch Sports

2009-06-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

There are several reasons why I watch sports. First of all let's go through the sports that I watch. I am an avid fan of basketball, the men have amazing biceps in their perfectly cut jerseys, and I did I tell you their deltoid muscles are so ripped you think there is a six pack on their shoulders. Football is amazing. Football players butts in those tight pants are worth at least three games on a Sunday. What better way to spend a Sunday then checking out men's tight asses with incredible athletic talent. Then there is baseball. A man in a hat is sexy, you put that baseball hat on backwards and you have me at "Do you like the Cubs or the White Sox?" Not to mention their overall manliness in their uniform.
I know a bit sexist, but what the helll? Why do you really think men watch beach volleyball? I am sure it is because they really enjoy watching a woman's athleticism on some sand. No, I think it has something to do with skimpy bikini's and um some, hot legs? Wouldn't you agree? Do you think men really like women's tennis? No, they like the shorts. Yes, girlfriends out there in cyber space, there is some great eye candy to catch on Sunday's on Fox starting in late August usually ending around February first. Check out TNT during basketball season and just tune in for baseball any afternoon starting in May going through October, ESPN would be your choice of channel for the MLB.
I will tell you why I really love sports. I love athletes that perservere and win their game. I love to see a wide receiver covered perfectly, yet the quarterback executes his pass to perfection, which in turn motivates the wide receiver to jump over two guys to get the catch and roll into the end zone. That is fantastic! Or how about a running back breaking tackles, spinning, jumping and diving into the end zone. No one did it better than Sweetness.
I will never forget watching Mike Singletary's eyes at middle linebacker. The intensity of a smart middle linebacker is like watching a tiger go after it's prey. They are about to attack, but no one knows where. When they get their prey, the quarterback or the runningback or full back or even the wide receiver, the prey knows who they have been taken down by a fiercer opponent.
Basketball is a pure adrenaline rush! I don't like Kobe Bryant, but the guy is mesmerizing. His skills don't even compare to best basketball player and athlete walking the planet, Michael Jordan. I would sit and watch him shoot a jump shot, dunk the ball from the free throw line, pass by the opponent on a fast break and slam it home, with my mouth open and at times tears in my eyes due to the gift of Michael and entertainment. Don't even get me started on March Madness! I am ready to hear Dick Vitale again and his voice that sounds like he his part horse and part duck.
Baseball is a game of strategy. I love watching the communication that goes on between a pitcher and a catcher. The batter has no idea what pitch is going to be thrown at him. He only has a split second to figure it out. The best part is when the count is 3-2 and I try to guess what the pitcher will throw next. This usually involves betting Mark and rubbing it in his face when I am right.
There is no other game that an athlete fails at more than as a batter in the MLB. It is a given. If you hit one out of eight you are doing awesome. That means you failed seven times. But think about what you have to do as a hitter. There are five or more different types of pitches coming at you with different speeds and velocity. You have a split second to decide if you are swinging and where will you swing your bat. If you swing too early you better have long arms to reach for that ball and pull it. If you swing to late you better be strong enough to pull it down the right field line. Wow! That is awesome!
Let's not forget base stealing, the athleticism of your infield and the agility and hand eye coordination of your outfielders. Not to mention your coaches on first and third deciding who will steal, who will run and who will slide. The strategy of the game of baseball is better than any Scrabble, Monopoly or game of Life.
Let's not forget when the game is tied in the bottom of ninth with two outs. Or the fourth quarter with 7.3 seconds left and Lebron James will have the ball. Or the fourth quarter at the two minute warning and the offensive team is on the fifty yard line, fifteen yards away from field goal range and it is third down and six!
It doesn't get any better than that!

Maui and My Reconnection

2009-06-08T13:16:00.001-07:00

If you read my book you know that my step-sister, I hate that phrase by the way, had a very rough life in our household. She was a toddler when she came to us and left as a teenager. In those years in my father's house she was verbally and physically abused. What was worse was she watched her mother suffer the same fate at my father's hands.In my book I talk about trying to help my newly acquired sister. I loved her and felt very bad for her. The first time I remember her in our home was when she was a toddler. We were eating dinner and she was in a high chair. My father decided he didn't like the way she was eating and stuck her in the basement surrounded by saw chips, (we were remodeling our basement) in a room with the door closed.I remember looking at my siblings, father and her mother and thinking they are looney. I went down and stood next to her highchair until she was done eating. She didn't go on family vacations with us. She wasn't allowed. Her grandparents came and picked her up while we drove off to Disney World. Sick, I know. Yes, her mother came with us, and left my new sister with her parents.There are lots of stories, but I think you get the jist of what her life was like. The verbal abuse I think is worse than the physical, for I suffered both also. Her and her mother finally moved out of my father's jail when my new sister was a freshman in High School, I was a Senior. I was so happy to see that my sister could get away from the jail keeper, and happy that her mother finally did the right thing. I lost touch with her for a few years. It was too painful to stay in contact. The last time I spoke with her I was twenty three. I was in her wedding. We parted ways simply because I couldn't forgive her mother and it wasn't fair to her to have to defend her mother to me. I was still too immature at the time to just have a relationship with her and I. I was too mad and couldn't keep my mouth shut.She found me on facebook. She lives in the Hawaiin Islands. I met her for coffee when I was in Maui. We sat and talked and looked at each other. It was so good to see her.She is a super strong and smart woman. She is an amazing mother, a forgiver, a dignified and moral human, and has compassion and love flowing out of her pores. We talked about kids and life. Then told me she read my book. She liked it, and I was so happy to hear that! Then she said something that has brought tears to my eyes ever since our meeting. She said, "At least you and your siblings had each other, I had no one." She didn't have anyone. She cried. I looked at her and wanted to dry her tears and give her a hug, but knew she didn't that at that moment, she needed that hug twenty five years ago. I love her and I miss her. We will stay in touch, but we can never go back in time. She asked me if I knew why they finally left the dungeon. I really had no idea. She told me she had been mowing our lawn and a blade on the lawn mower broke. The tyrrant was in our living room drunk while she was mowing the lawn. She couldn't fix the blade so she went inside and said, screw it. Her mother came upstairs and told her to get back down there and mow the lawn. She stood up for herself and said, "I will never mow another blade on that man's grass." Her mother slapped her face and she slapped her mother back. She called her extended family and got the hell out of dodge that night!The good news is ladies and gentlemen her mother finally chose her! She left my father and chose her daughter! They moved on TOGETHER! I am so happy for her. I am happy her mother finally realized the amazing daughter she has.I love you sister, I pray for you, and we will stick together!

I am PRO-CHOICE

2009-06-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

I usually wake up in the morning with something embedded in my brain that I want to write about. This morning it was abortion and pro-choice. It was kind of weird, because I had a nightmare last night that I was surrounded by men and I couldn't get out. I knew they were going to rape me, and I had no choice. I ran in one direction, and then the other. They kept chasing me until I was cornered in a gas station. I didn't actually see the rape, but I knew it was about to happen, and I had no choice in the matter. My rights as a woman were taken away and put in the hands of strangers I didn't know. That is a scary feeling, that feeling was even scarier than the thought of getting raped.I believe in God. I deeply believe in God. I also believe in destiny, and I also know we are forgiven for our sins, and we are all on the path that we are supposed to be on. Guess what? I BELIEVE WITH ALL OF MY HEART we do not have to be given forgiveness for abortion.If you love God and believe in the bible than you believe the minute Eve bit that apple we were given free will! We are given the ability to choose. We have the right as humans to make our own choices, and our own mistakes. You know what, maybe that abortion wasn't a mistake. Who are you to say what someone else should do with their life or the life of their unborn child.Let me ask you did the abortion doctor that was murdered recently really deserve to die? If you answered yes, and you are pro-life, you are a bonified hypocrite. That my friends is the problem with religion, hypocrisy. That is why I don't belong to one "group." I belong to God. I have done pretty good so far. If you believe the doctor should have died, for his death, saved thousands of unborn lives I call you delusional. I have heard it all. The embroyo is living, there is a heart beat, etc. How about this man. He was actually truly living. He was walking and breathing. He was loved by family and friends. He was a doctor. He was a hardworker, but more than that he helped women that came into his clinic that needed help! He gave them a choice. He allowed them to choose, make their choice without disdain, hypocrisy or judgement. That brings me to the people that spend their time picketing abortion clinics. Can you please let me look into your lives to see your mistakes. Can you go home and look in the mirror after terrorizing lost woman and truly see a wonderful and kind human being looking back at yourself? I suggest you open your eyes. You are not doing God's work. You are selfish, and your ego is enflamed. For some reason pro-life people think it is their duty to take others free will away from them. Are they God? Or are they just acting like God? No, in my mind they are acting like the devil. For only evil would show up and kill a doctor, and demoralize a woman whom might have come to peace with the decision to abort but now instead will be traumitized by the lunatic screaming how evil she is. I can assure you, the woman who has an abortion is not going to hell. I can assure you the murderer of the doctor, has a better chance of going to hell for one reason: the murderer won't ask for forgiveness for his sin because he thinks this is what God wants, where as the woman who just had the abortion will ask for forgiveness and also ask for directions on which path to take so she doesn't end up being stalked by protesters at the abortion clinic again.I love life as much as the next person and probably more than most. I get what life is about, I understand completely what it takes to be a good human being, and I can tell you you are not a good person when you play God. When you put on God's crown you better wear it well. I can tell you God would not call for the murder of an innocent doctor. So stop hiding behind God and your bullshit excuses, and tell the truth of why you are so for taking control of a woman's life. And yes, I use the word control, for when you take a woman's choice from her you are taking control. When a person feels they are losing control they will go to great lengths to get it back.Maybe we should look into some of these picketers and doctor murderers lives. Should we picket the front of their house with signs that say, "He did not pay his taxes." "He is an abuser." " He or she is a bad parent." "He/she is a cheater." "He/she is a racist." Hell no we shouldn't do that. But basically that is what a picketer is doing to these women at abortion clinics. It is time to abide by the law, which is what God says to do. The law says; "ABORTION IS LEGAL!" Step back, look at yourself, and cure your own issues.

US Weekly Issue 745

2009-05-17T08:06:00.001-07:00

I have not done one of my US blogs in awhile. I decided this Sunday morning was a good morning to blog about the weird and wacky stars!
It seems Kiefer Sutherland head butted a fashion designer named Jack who supposedly pushed Brooke Shields at an event. Brooke in so many words, said, "Kiefer must have been drunk again, he is out of his Jack Bauer mind, and he must be missing jail because I was never pushed." Normally, Kiefer Sutherland, aka Jack Bauer, is off limits to me, but this season of 24 is very disappointing. Get over your biological weapon exposure for crying out loud and return to the field to kick butt and abuse witnesses. That is the only reason I watch the show!
I won't comment on Americal Idol. I have never watched a season, only an episode or two at a time. I can say the women on that show are annoying, bothersome, and Kara DioGuardi's ego has seemed to take over the judges panel one singer at a time.
This is quite gross. Shia Labeouf said, "If I could meet my mother and marry her I would. I would be with my mother now, if she wasn't my mother, as sick as it sounds." The only sound I hear right now is his manager and publicist hitting the floor after they read this and pass out. I would say that is really sick, and a bit disturbing.
Lindsay Lohan says she has been eating enough. If you are an infant. This qoute should tell you never give up on your dreams, for they will come knocking on your door when you least expect it. The star of Twilight Robert Pattinson said, "I was kind of bumming around, not feeling particularly good at anything, thinking, you'll never reach the goals you set for yourself." The next thing he knew he became an International star!
Orlando Bloom and his girlfriend Mirand Kerr were argueing at Minetta Tavern in NYC. That is so sad! This is exciting, Matthew Broderick bought pasta at an NYC Gourmet Garage. I wonder what this garage looks like? Jerry Rice likes beef fried rice. I prefer shrimp fried rice. What do you like?
The Reverend Run's son Joseph Simmons Jr, was arrested for marijuana possession and resisting arrest. He is 19. He skipped a few Sunday services, for sure!
The big new is the Gosselin's from the Jon and Kate plus eight are seriously considering separation. I would be too if my husband was photographed with a twenty three year old third grade teacher at 2 am exiting a club. The really "wow how stupid are you Jon" is the photograph of the twenty three year old sunbathing in a bikini in the couples backyard while Kate is away on a book tour. I don't watch the show, I hear she is a real bitch, but come on! Grow up Jon. Is anyone wondering what went wrong in this twenty three year olds life that she would want to be with a reality TV star that has eight kids and a bitchy wife? I am! I do have some advice for Kate; she has to change the hairdo. I am sorry guys, but a bob look in the front of your hair with spikes in the back is not a happening hairdo. I kind of wonder if the stylist forgot what haircut they were cutting!
Jessica Simpson has worn the same Daisy Duke cut off shorts for about five years now. 71% of people would like her to retire them. What they don't say is, "You can keep wearing them if you get back to a size 2. Right now your size 6 or 8 isn't working in the Daisy Dukes."
Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow broke up because she was getting older and wanted children and Lance wasn't ready. Okay, cool. Megan Fox week after week seems like a real true black haired bimbo, that needs to really concentrate on what is going to come out of her mouth. She is a true bi-sexual. She doesn't want to use SAT words like Scarlett Johansson to prove she is smart. She resents the fact that she has to prove that she is not a retard. Nice choice of words Megan, retard was definitely not on the SAT's.
Spring's hottest sandals are the wedges, the flats, and the heels. Those would be the same ones that are hot every spring. Actually, there are really no other type of sandals. It appears ladies you can't go wrong with whatever type of sandal you choose!
The long tank top is hot this trendy in Hollywood. You can pay anywhere from $57 to $112, or go to Target and pay $12, since this is just a trend. The party ponytail is in. Don't ask. Also,you can choose the one-sided sweep or the casual updo. I swear they make this crap up. Also, you can go for the girlish glo. Basically pink make-up. Next week it will be called the "the spring appeal" or "fabulously flushed."

Is Kenyon Martin a Punk?

2009-05-11T13:16:00.001-07:00

The Dallas Mavericks lost at the last second to the Denver Nuggets due to a missed call by the ref. This pushed the Mavs down 0-3 out of a best of seven series. Tensions were running high and Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, didn't disappoint us with his usual antics. However, I am not going to discuss Mark Cuban at the moment. That will be another blog. I am here to discuss Kenyon Martin. Ultimately, I will write several pieces on NBA players and their conduct. Professional sports is being taken over by hostile, out of control young men, that have no right receiving the contracts they receive. Players should have to prove themselves on the court and off the court before being handed millions of dollars.
The game was over, it ended on a bad call, and Mark Cuban was incensed. Typically, if you are a visiting player and your team wins like the Nuggets won, get off the court and celebrate in your locker room. Well, Kenyon Martin hung around the court, and tantalized Dallas for a bit. When Mark Cuban was leaving the court he told Kenyon Martin's mother, "Your son is a punk."
I am not here to dispute whether or not he should have said that to Martin's mother. Of course he shouldn't have. Tell Martin he is a punk, but not his mother. I am here to clue you into why Mark Cuban called Kenyon Martin a punk, and to show you the quality of players we pay to watch in the NBA.
Alonzo Mourning was one of the most respected players in the NBA. He fought a kidney disease with strength, heart and was a wonderful role model for children. He is still alive, just retired. When Martin was a teammate with Mourning Martin mocked Alonzo's battle with his kidney disease. He later admitted his mistake and apologized. How big of him.
Soon Martin's injuries and off court antics started to get the best of him and his game. He was suspended in during the playoffs in 2006 for "conduct detrimental to the team."
During a game in 2006 against the Chicago Bulls a fan yelled a ridiculous comment to Martin. Instead of being a mature NBA player that is making millions Martin told one his bodyguards to confront the fan and shut him up. His friend told the heckler, "Shut your mouth before we take you outside and beat your (expletive)!" He also screamed at a fan in Denver named Don Miller, who was at the game with his teenage son. He called Don "a fat (expletive) white boy." Martin was fined $15,000 for that incident.
On January 1, 2007 the cornerback for the Denver Broncos, Darrent Williams, was murdered after attending Martin's birthday party. Martin was the host. It seems the limo that Williams was riding in was pelted with bullets. Good news, his 2008 bash was incident free! No killings or rapes that we know of.
He was also once caught in a heated and profanity-laced locker room argument with the local sports radio person. How nice, go for an interview and get berated by this loser.
I am concerned that we are so worried about Mark Cuban's comment. Truth hurts, and the NBA should be looking into their personnel a little deeper. That won't happen, the commissioner and owners are too worried about money.
Here is the real concern. Kenyon Martin was asked what he is going to do about Mark Cuban's comment to his mother. He said, "I'm gonna take care of it." I hope that taking care of it doesn't mean using his posse, guns or knives!

Manny Ramirez...Latest MLB Liar

2009-05-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Manny Ramirez was suspended for fifty games for failing a drug test. A baseball performance enhancing drug was found in his urine test. I will tell you his pathetic excuse in a moment. But first I must let you know what I believe needs to be done to stop this atrocity in baseball.
Roger Clemens was a disgrace. He lied under oath, he was a seven time Cy Young winner. Two more times than any pitcher in Major League Baseball! I feel he should give those award up. He didn't and won't, instead he tried to take the pressure off of himself by throwing his wife under the bus. He let the world know she was being injected with steroids while getting ready for a photo shoot. What a stand up guy and wonderful husband. Let's just hope he stays out of the hall of fame.
Then we have Alex Rodriguez, Arod. Rodriguez's scumbag agent, Scott Boras, negotiated a ridiculous monetary package with the Yankees for ARod. The deal is worth a guanteed $275 million dollars for ten years. Boras front loaded the deal. ARod will get paid $32 million in each of his first three seasons. He will receive and extra $30 million for each of his homerun milestones he hits! Gross, I know. But it gets even better.
Rodriguez tested positive for steroids back in 2003. In 2003 there were no penalties for steroid use. It was known back then by owners and the league that Rodriguez was using steroids. But they didn't care. He was still able to negotiate this contract worth over $300 million dollars! Why do you think that? Money, the owners of the Yankees will make more than that off of Rodriguez if he reaches his potential.
There are 104 other MLB players that tested positive for steroid use back in 2003. We don't know who they are, but the league does. I want to know what their contracts are worth. Where are they playing? Who signed them knowing they were using steroids?
Barry Bonds, the king of bullshit! He is liar and a cheat. The San Francisco Giants have known that for years. They have watched him go in and out of court. They kept him, because people kept paying to see him go for the homerun record. That is what the Yankess are hoping will happen with ARod. ARod has a chance to break the homerun record. I actually think we should have two homerun records. One for real baseball players and the other one for cheaters.
Here we are with another cheater in baseball. I have to tell you Ramirez made the Dodgers work hard to get him, and pay him a lot of money. The only reason he ended up with the Dodgers is because the economy slumped, with a slumping economy how many families will be able to buy tickets to the ball park this season. Where do you think players get their salaries from? If no one is coming to the ballpark, the owners are not making bucket loads of money off of $5.00 beers and $10.00 hot dogs! Let's not forget the souvenirs.
In the end, after a very dirty battle, Ramirez got a two year contract worth $45 million. The first year is a guaranteed $25 million! This is what Ramirez gives the Dodgers in return. The loser can't even help his team for fifty games and won't be back until July. Hello people, this can do serious damage to the Dodger's record. I say to the owners of teams that recruit these liars, "YOU DESERVE IT!"
This brings me to my point. The players should be punished. Ramirez will lose $8 million during his suspension, but I think the owners should be the ones that lose money from their pockets. The owners are leeches. They leeech off of the players. The owners are not in it for the fans or the players, they are in it for themselves to feed their egos that are so large they can't feed them enough. Do not think for a minute that the owners are not aware of who is doing steroids and who isn't.
Owners don't care if players are doing steroids. All they want is the player to show up and play at levels that are almost unattainable without steroid use. This is what Rodriguez said after getting busted for steroids, "When I arrived in Texas in 2001, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. I felt like I had all of the weight of the world on top of me and I needed to perform, and perform at a high level everyday." That says it all folks. I actually believe that statement.
I will end with Ramirez's excuse," Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me. Unfortunately the medication was banned under our new drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsiblity. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons."
I would like to say, "Manny, you are a liar. Manny, you have watched Bond, Clemens, McGwire, Sosa and Canseco make the same bullshit statements and claims. Own your mistake and tell the truth, you injected steroids for the money!"

And She's Dead.....

2009-05-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday night Mark and I went to our favorite bar in San Francisco to watch the seventh game of the Bulls against the Celtics, and play some pool. I am a HUGE Bulls fan. The series between the Celtics and the Bulls was one of the most spectacular and entertaining series in sports I have ever watched.
I had predicted before the series started that the Bulls would pull out an upset. Needless to say, I was so excited on Saturday night. I was envisioning my glorified ego stating, "Yep, I predicted this. Go Bulls." Well, they lost. I was pretty upset.
We moved on to our pool game. I was not playing too well and lost too many games to Mark to count. I was frustrated and getting bitchy. I decided enough of the pool table. I started talking to a fellow patron at the bar. Nice guy, but then I realized how incredibly arrogant he was about the New York Yankees. I am a White Sox fan, and then the discussion erupted into a tense conversation.
We rallied back and forth. I of course had to point out the Yankees loss to the Red Sox a few years back, you know, when they had the Red Sox down three games. I let him know that Derek Jeter is the oldest short stop in the league and his days might be numbered. Then I threw in ARod, the overpaid no show in the playoffs third baseman. Of course I asked, "Hey, his ARod's cousin still traveling with him on every roadtrip?" ARod's cousin was the one injecting steroids into ARod for all those years. The banter went back and forth.

His name was Ragu. In my juvenile state I kept calling him Prego and Classico.

Yes, at one point, I realized I was a bit frustrated at the Bulls, and my loss in pool, and I needed to walk away from this conversation.

Once again, God brought me back to reality of what is really important. Mark and I were getting ready to head home. I was tired and wanted to get to bed. In walked our friend Dave whom I haven't seen in six months. I went up to Dave and said, "Hi! Where is Deb?" Deb is his wife. He said, "Deb died six months ago."
I cried and said I am sorry. Then we talked. Dave and Deb had just celebrated their twenty year anniversary together,and then she died. Deb was fifty one years old. She was the love of Dave's life. The coroner still can't figure out what she died from.
I called Dave on Monday. I am having him over to our house for a BBQ next week. Life is so short, I know this, and here I was getting caught up in the Bulls loss, losing over pool and argueing over the New York Yankees whom I don't even care about! I am still in shock that at times I allow myself to get caught up in the trivial things in life!
Kiss your loved one good-bye when they leave, look them in the eye and say I love you, and enjoy your day today!

Sex Survey....Participant Number 2

2009-04-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

My next participant is from the Midwest. She has been married thirteen years. Her and her husband have four children.
How many times a week do you have sex?We have not had sex in a year.
Was the sex satisfying when you had it?No
Do you feel comfortable asking your spouse to try new things?I would feel more comfortable now than earlier. I guess I feel feel more comfortable due to maturity.
Would you consider having an affair or ending your marriage over sex?Not now, in the past I did. The quality and quantity used to bother me about sex. But it doesn't right now. My husband and I are focused on our four children and making our family work.
Do you think your spouse knows that you are not satisfied sexually?Yes, it's obvious. We both know it. But family is more important right now. We have a lot of love in our marriage.
Do you fantasize or wish you could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere?Not anymore. I used to wish I could have another partner for sex. I would fantasize about another man while masturbating if there was another man to fantasize about. Right now there is no good men for me to think about.
At the end of our chat this is what she had to say. "You can't build a marriage on just sex. I have learned that there is a strong connection and love between my husband and I. We respect each other, and when we stand united we can get through anything. We have so much more to our marriage than just sex."
Okay, if I didn't talk to her in depth for awhile I would believe one of them would end up in a deep dark affair. In my brain, I can't go without sex. But talking to this woman it is clear she loves her husband and family more than anything. She has truly come to peace with sex and her marriage. She loves her husband, is committed to him and will continue to make it work.
I will compare all fifteen participants answers at the end and make my own assumptions, as well as you should, but this couple seems to be doing fine without sex.

Sex Survey.....Participant Number 1

2009-04-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

As I stated before I wrote a book on how to save marriages. I sent a questionnaire out to 100 women I didn't know and asked them all the same nine questions. Sex came up over and over again in their answers. Yes fellas, sex is important to women too. Women cheat as much as men if they are not getting satisfied emotionally and physcially at home.
I am going to let you in on fifteen different women's answers to the seven questions I asked each of them regarding sex and their marriage. These questions are not in my book, I am just doing this for my own interest and to share some insight on how to help all of us have a stronger marriage. I know there are many aspects to being happily married. I am only dealing with sex right now!
Here we go. This first woman has been married for ten years. She lives in the Southwest, and has two children.
How many times a week do you have sex with your spouse?
Once a week
Is the sex satisfying?
NO!
Do you feel comfortable asking your spouse to try new things to heat up your sex life?
In the beginning of the marriage I did, but now I do not feel comfortable talking to him about it.
Would you consider having an affair or ending your marriage over sex?
Yes, I am considering leaving my husband. An affair is a possibility. But I am not considering that just because of the sex. The sex is a big part of my dissatisfaction but there are other things also.
Do you think your spouse knows you are not satisfied sexually?
Yes, he knows, but doesn't want to do anything about it.
Do you often fantasize or wish you could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere?
Yes, often.
How would you rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10?
6
I was surprised that she rated it a six. I thought it would be more like a four. What she did say to me that made a lot of sense was, "Most marriages fail because each spouse doesn't understand what the other person wants. Sex is definitely misunderstood. Ideally I would like to have sex three times a week, but I am not even sexually attracted to him anymore."
Okay, that marriage is heading south. The real problem seems to be communication on all levels. But sexual communication can get real sticky. The one question she wanted me to ask all of you is; How do you open up communication about sex without hurting your husband's ego? Great question!

How Is Your Sex Life?

2009-04-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

My book on how to save marriages, the title is not set yet, will be released in late 2009 or early 2010. The book has great insight on how to keep you out of divorce court. I sent a questionnaire to 100 women I don't know asking them all the same ten questions. Their answers were insightful, thought provoking, spot on, and wise. The women have been married from nine months to thirty two years. The greatest part of this book is that the advice you will be given is not coming from a man who is a doctor or a woman who is unrealistic in some of her assessments, no, this advice is coming from women just like you: soccer moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, stressed mothers, over worked mothers, under appreciated moms and wives, who are doing the best they can do to keep their marriages alive, sexy, going until death do them part from their mates, interesting, fun and lively! Not an easy task. This book has helped my relationship in the past six months so many times. I am very excited for you all to get a chance to help your own relationships through others like yourselves. Lets not forget me. I am number 101. Yep, you get my advice too!

What am I going to do now is take one of the very important elements that came up again and again on how these women make their marriages work and discuss it in detail with fifteen women that you do not know. We will be talking about SEX! It seems sex is a vital part of any marriage.

I will interview these women and blog about it. You will not know their names, only the state they live in, the age of the woman, how long she has been married, and if she is happily married. I have a feeling her sex life will directly correlate with how happy she is in her marriage.

Before anyone decides to comment that it takes more than sex to have a happy marriage you need to know, I know that! I wrote a book on this. I am taking one aspect, sex, which seems to be huge to both partners, and analyzing it first.

We need to save marriages to save children from divorce. Again, there are so many aspects to marriage that need to be discussed but we are starting with sex.

Gossip....Here to Stay

2009-04-22T06:50:00.001-07:00

I think we all agree gossiping can be a destructive and brutal session of throwing others under the moving bus. Gossiping is also calming and brings people together. I believe there is a lot of brain activity happening while people are discussing, dissing and talking about other peoples lives that would show up on a scan or xray .
We have established the fact that gossiping can be detrimental, yet, we love to do it, mainly for one reason: it makes us feel better about ourselves. Lets say, you are going through a divorce, you feel like the whole community is talking about you, your kids are out of control, so what better way to make yourself feel better than to say, "Did you know Sally Smith had an affair with John Doe and that is why they are divorcing? Oh, and did you see Sally's daughter looking like a little tramp down at Starbuck's?" That screams, "I am a good example of divorce, my children are out of control but at least there was no affair involved in my problems,and my daughter is not wearing black eyeliner and a mini skirt!"
Here is another problem. Everyone gossips. Yet, when they are being the one gossiped about they scream, "Time-out, no fair." Really, so a person can talk about everyone else's lives, make their own assumptions, spread those assumptions, but when the tables are turned they become noble and disgusted! That my friends is hypocrisy in its best form!
How do we distinguish gossip, which I believe can be defined as a rumor that makes it way down the suburban pipeline to become gossip, and truth? Is truth only truth when you confront the person you are hearing a rumor about with the holy bible, and ask them to place their right hand on the book and swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God? What if they don't even believe in God? The bottom line is, it is none of our business!
The funny part is I already know to mind my own business, as does every other adult in this world. Yet, we never do, and most likely never will. I believe we teach our children that gossip is fun and acceptable. Think about it, you tell your children not to gossip, it is bad, it is hurtful, yet, that night you host bunko, and your children see a bunch of women playing a game and gossiping as if tomorrow will not come and they won't be able to spew the latest load of crap or truth that they have recently heard. How many times have you been on the phone gossiping or spreading truths and little Billy or Annie have been standing there waiting to ask you a question while you are pointing your finger at them and gritting your teeth and saying, "Hold on! I am busy! I will be right with you." In reality, you are busy hearing, "Jane, yay, she did get botox. You should see her. Her husband was seen with his receptionist at happy hour." While cutting up the apple for Billy and Annie they hear you say, "I knew it. That husband is such a rat. I think that Jane also got breast implants not just botox. Now we know why, to keep her husband away from the receptionist."
Off walk Annie and Billy to the neighbors house to gossip about Judy's mom and dad, Jane and Bill! We read gossip magazines, watch shows that do nothing but gossip, Desperate Housewives, and gossip ourselves. Where does it end? It doesn't! It will not end. As much as we want to say we will stop gossiping, it is nearly impossible.
What is facebook? That is nothing more than gossip central for adults around the world. People check their site ten times a day to see what others are doing and saying! Can you say the word, scary? I can tell you what time my neighbor had coffee, and with whom and at what Starbuck's any day of the week.
What I am vowing to do is choose three people whom I will discuss whatever I want to discuss with them and only them. I will try my hardest to never harm a persons reputation, spread lies or truths, and will try to be an example to my children so they do the same. I will talk to my sister in Chicago who knows no one in California, my best friend Whitney in Texas who knows no one in California, and Candis in Denver who knows no one in California. If you don't have friends spread out all over the fifty states I suggest going to volunteer at a nursing home and telling the crap you hear to the ladies there that are missing coffee and gossip dates. Don't worry it won't get back to your town.
I believe we all have to look within and realize we are not perfect, nor is the lady next door or down the street. We all make different choices, and do the best we can do. Who are we to judge others? We don't have that right. Again, I don't believe it will stop. But if we at least become conscious of what we are doing maybe, just maybe, we can begin to cool off the phone lines and eventually be there for each other instead of ripping one another!

Girls and Their Fathers

2009-04-18T08:38:00.001-07:00

I admit, in the past I have made fun of Lindsay Lohan and her behavior. But everything I am now reading screams, HELP! I am so sad for this child at the moment. Her break-up with her love Samantha Ronson has caused her great mental lapses.
Her father has repeatedly said, "Samantha is bad for Lindsay. Lindsay needs to leave her. Samantha is ruining Lindsay's career." Every time I read that I want to say to Michael Lohan, "You have single handledly ruined a beautiful young girls mind, self-esteem, security and the ability to love herself!"
Michael Lohan was sent to jail for assault and drunk driving. When his defense team asked that Michael be sent to rehab the judge said, "Michael has a pattern of destructive behavior to both himself and his family." His wife, whom is not much better, filed for divorce years earlier because of his uncontrollable behavior. Michael supposedly assaulted his brother-in-law at his son's communion party. Michael also claims Lindsay's mom drinks in front of the kids, and uses drugs.
Tell me, how a girl growing up in that sort of home environment coupled with Hollywood can possibly come out mentally strong and have the strength from within to do the right thing! It is almost impossible. Lindsay witnessed abuse towards her mother from her father for years and years, while both of them were drunk and on cocaine.
I am not sure if people realize a father's role in a child's life is just as important as a mothers. A daughter emulates her father. He is the example of how a woman should be treated by a man. A father is the one that instills a lot of the self-esteem and self-respect in a girl. The worst role a girl can fall into is the pleaser role. For if she is always trying to please her father as a child she will turn into a pleaser as an adult. Abuse will be accepted, a normal relationship will be tough, for normalcy is foreign to her. As humans we are creatures of habit, and when you are used to chaos, if peace presents itself you will throw in a hurricane to stir up the dust because you don't feel safe in a state of calm. It will take years to stop creating situations to mimick your childhood. The only reason you will finally change is because you are close to losing someone you love. Chaos is easy for a child coming from a family of turmoil. The one reason one sabotages their own life is for the chance to fix what is wrong. That child becomes the fixer, the enabler and the carpet. When their is nothing to fix you feel out of control.
I am sure Lindsay is anxious, nervous, and extremely unsettled. Supposedly her fifteen year old sister is the one counseling her! Meanwhile, Lindsay is out clubbing and skinnier than ever.
She can recover and become a person that seeks out peace instead of relationships that she knows are bad for her. But it is going to take years and years. I wish her nothing but happiness. I pray someone steps into her life with their life in order soon. I pray someone can help her realize she is not dying, she is not worthless, she didn't deserve this, and that she will find happiness and a person to love and love her back the way she deserves to be loved!
If you have a daughter, emulate her while simultaneously building up her self-esteem and self-respect!

Spring and Summer Trends for 2009

2009-04-16T07:45:00.001-07:00

Spring and Summer fashion usually involves daring yourself to bare a bit more than usual, and an old favorite usually resurfaces. The designers and trend setters didn't disappoint us once again. The midriff tops which expose the stomach area is here to stay through the summer, the ripped jean is back with a vengenance, and my favorite, one shouldered tops, bikinis and dresses have returned. What this all means is, ladies get back to the gym, or do a celebrity cleanse which leaves you feeling lightheaded, dizzy, and faint. You could also possibly fight the trend and create your own with lots of material wrapped around your upper body, some wonderful loose baggy cotton pants and thong sandals. We could call it Grecian Suburban Chic! Sounds terrible, so lets sort through what will work for us!
Lets start with the midriff top. Ladies, I believe this is one we all should leave alone. Unless of course you are under 21, a supermodel runway, or for some reason muffin top has not planted its blueberry appeal right at you lower back where your midriff top hits and accentuates the fatty tissue around the area. But if you are daring, please try and wear this look with some dignity. Maybe test the look out while mountain biking alone for a few hours where no one sees you from the time you leave the house until you hit the shower.
Butterflies are in this season. I would go for the butterfly that blends in nicely with the color palette on your shirt. Please do not wear butterflies on your jeans or encrusted with jewels. That look is for Hannah Montana or possibly the eight year old little girl living in the flat next door.
It seems fairy-tale princess look is in. I am not recommending this for every day. I am sure we might see Kate Winslet or Kate Beckinsdale somewhere at a premiere in a beautiful princess gown. As for us, you can pull this off if this is the first time you are getting married in a lovely church. If not, do not touch this look!
Fringed clothing is in for Spring/Summer 2009. I don't know about you, but I keep thinking about the Lone Ranger. I don't know why. Maybe I have been dying to say, "Hi ho Silver, away!" Anyway, I do love fringed dresses. Dresses with subtle fringe are sexy and feminine. It is a great look for summer. Not to mention, it is flattering on most figures. I don't recommend a shirt or vest with fringe, just stay with the dresses.
Grecian inspired clothing is back. This is one of my favorites. A Grecian dress, usually one shouldered, is fun to wear, and makes one feel very sexy. I recommend sticking with black, white, cream, or pastel colors. I believe the bold colors take away from the beauty of the dress. This is meant to be a romantic look. Keep it subtle and simple.
Jewelry is going in the statement making direction. It is all about big necklaces, bangles or a cocktail ring. We are seeing exotic stones and beading from different ethnic backgrounds. Keep it big and bold, and you will be with the in crowd. Remember, being in with the in crowd means, you are in with the likes of Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Maybe try one big piece at a time. Don't leave the house with an extra fifty pounds of jewelry on your body, and especially don't go to your doctor that day to get weighed for your check-up!
Ripped jeans are back! They are revealing more than ever. I love ripped jeans, but not the ones that reveal too much. I believe the jean with a small rip or two in the knee is quite sexy. Even a few well placed rips in the thigh area is hot. But, as with any fashion trend, revealing more is not always better. Stay away from rips in the buttocks area, at all costs, and I don't advise wearing any jeans that look like you found two pieces of denim and sewed them together to make a jean. You will be thrown out of the church or PTA meeting for sure.
The boyfriend jean is in. Katie Holmes has tried it, but didn't rock the look. I believe this look can be a hit, if you pair the jeans with a simple white tee and a black vest. A plain fitted tank with the jean shouts simplicity yet sexy. Your hair should be messy and hot at the same time. This look can be endless, if you wear it right. And your husband will attack you the minute he gets home. If you don't want to be any where near your husband, then wear the baggy jeans with a baggy sweat shirt and your hair in a low pony tail. This shouts stay away!
There are many looks to choose from this Spring and Summer. Find the best one for your body type, make it your own and wear what you love with confidence and ease.

Spring and Summer Trends for 2009

2009-04-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

Spring and Summer fashion usually involves daring yourself to bare a bit more than usual, and an old favorite usually resurfaces. The designers and trend setters didn't disappoint us once again. The midriff tops which expose the stomach area is here to stay through the summer, the ripped jean is back with a vengenance, and my favorite, one shouldered tops, bikinis and dresses have returned. What this all means is, ladies get back to the gym, or do a celebrity cleanse which leaves you feeling lightheaded, dizzy, and faint. You could also possibly fight the trend and create your own with lots of material wrapped around your upper body, some wonderful loose baggy cotton pants and thong sandals. We could call it Grecian Suburban Chic! Sounds terrible, so lets sort through what will work for us!
Lets start with the midriff top. Ladies, I believe this is one we all should leave alone. Unless of course you are under 21, a supermodel runway, or for some reason muffin top has not planted its blueberry appeal right at you lower back where your midriff top hits and accentuates the fatty tissue around the area. But if you are daring, please try and wear this look with some dignity. Maybe test the look out while mountain biking alone for a few hours where no one sees you from the time you leave the house until you hit the shower.
Butterflies are in this season. I would go for the butterfly that blends in nicely with the color palette on your shirt. Please do not wear butterflies on your jeans or encrusted with jewels. That look is for Hannah Montana or possibly the eight year old little girl living in the flat next door.
It seems fairy-tale princess look is in. I am not recommending this for every day. I am sure we might see Kate Winslet or Kate Beckinsdale somewhere at a premiere in a beautiful princess gown. As for us, you can pull this off if this is the first time you are getting married in a lovely church. If not, do not touch this look!
Fringed clothing is in for Spring/Summer 2008. I don't know about you, but I keep thinking about the Lone Ranger. I don't know why. Maybe I have been dying to say, "Hi ho Silver, away!" Anyway, I do love fringed dresses. Dresses with subtle fringe are sexy and feminine. It is a great look for summer. Not to mention, it is flattering on most figures. I don't recommend a shirt or vest with fringe, just stay with the dresses.
Grecian inspired clothing is back. This is one of my favorites. A Grecian dress, usually one shouldered, is fun to wear, and makes one feel very sexy. I recommend sticking with black, white, cream, or pastel colors. I believe the bold colors take away from the beauty of the dress. This is meant to be a romantic look. Keep it subtle and simple.
Jewelry is going in the statement making direction. It is all about big necklaces, bangles or a cocktail ring. We are seeing exotic stones and beading from different ethnic backgrounds. Keep it big and bold, and you will be with the in crowd. Remember, being in with the in crowd means, you are in with the likes of Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Maybe try one big piece at a time. Don't leave the house with an extra fifty pounds of jewelry on your body, and especially don't go to your doctor that day to get weighed for your check-up!
Ripped jeans are back! They are revealing more than ever. I love ripped jeans, but not the ones that reveal too much. I believe the jean with a small rip or two in the knee is quite sexy. Even a few well placed rips in the thigh area is hot. But, as with any fashion trend, revealing more is not always better. Stay away from rips in the buttocks area, at all costs, and I don't advise wearing any jeans that look like you found two pieces of denim and sewed them together to make a jean. You will be thrown out of the church or PTA meeting for sure.
The boyfriend jean is in. Katie Holmes has tried it, but didn't rock the look. I believe this look can be a hit, if you pair the jeans with a simple white tee and a black vest. A plain fitted tank with the jean shouts simplicity yet sexy. Your hair should be messy and hot at the same time. This look can be endless, if you wear it right. And your husband will attack you the minute he gets home. If you don't want to be any where near your husband, then wear the baggy jeans with a baggy sweat shirt and your hair in a low pony tail. This shouts stay away!
There are many looks to choose from this Spring and Summer. Find the best one for your body type, make it your own and wear what you love with confidence and ease.

US Weekly Issue 740

2009-04-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

Good news gals, Reese Witherspoon and Kate Winslet admitted they have cellulite! Pamela Anderson is looking twenty years younger. She says it is because of her new haircut and has nothing to do with botox or cosmetic fillers. What she is saying is if we all get bangs we will look twenty years younger. I have recently gotten bangs. I am not sure if I look twenty years younger. You can let me know at me new website www.plottoohot.com I have a feeling I look the same!
Poor Paul McCartney was caught with his fly down. I believe he is wearing white hanes briefs. Michael Jordan looks way hotter in them!
Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have not talked since their affair went public. Leann is taking a break from her marriage, and Eddie ran back to his wife. Poor Leann!
After Paris Hilton's bill was not comped at Ecco Ultra Lounge in L.A. she screamed, "What the f..k, I'm Paris Hilton." I am sure they noticed who she was. Hopefully, someone finally said back to her, "And why should we care?"
Madonna finally dumped her twenty two year old boyfriend. It seems she got bored. She got the sex she wanted, she took control, he failed to take control after she was done assuming the role of lion tamer, and then she dumped him. Not to worry she already has her eye on Argentine polo player Nacho Figueras. The good new is he is thirty two, the bad news is he is married with two children. Another wonderful lesson for her children to learn. But hey, they don't watch TV or read magazines!
Lindsay Lohan got dumped by her girlfriend Samantha Ronson. I will get to the meat of the article immediately. They fought non-stop. Late night fights were common after leaving clubs at 4 am. A window was shattered in Samantha's house after one fight. The police have been called. Samantha's family hates Lindsay and has looked into getting a restraining order against Lindsay. Samantha's brother Mark had a party in his hotel suite, Lindsay wasn't invited, but still tried to crash the party. Lindsay feels all alone and says Samantha's sister needs to lose fourteen pounds. Maybe Lindsay can tell her about the cocaine and no eating diet. Finally, Samantha has changed the locks on the doors to her house!
Madonna lost her fight to adopt a three year old girl in Malawi. She was crying, but is now more determined to get that baby. Yep, bring another child her crazy world!
Messenger bags are in! Okay guys, I LOVE messenger bags. They look chic, hot, and sophisticated. The bonus is they hold a lot of stuff!

Catholic Church.....and me

2009-04-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was raised in the Catholic Church. Let me clarify what being raised in the Catholic Church in my family meant. We attended mass on Easter and Christmas. We were sent to CCD classes until we made first holy communion, confession and confirmation. Still to this day I have no clue what the letters CCD stand for. I will let you know what I did at CCD class. I caused hell.
Remember, I was a very wild and an undisciplined child. Mom died, dad drank, and Heather ran her own show. I would show up for CCD never listen and bother the nice mother who volunteered to teach us about the bible and God. Back when I was attending CCD we met at houses not at the church. Twice I started food fights with the snacks that were prepared for us and was sent home. The other times I just paid no attention and learned nothing.
First communion meant I got to pick out a lovely white gown and tiara. I pretended I was getting married and Prince Charming was going to rescue me from my home and father. Damn him, the prince never showed up. Confession was a bit more difficult. I remember when they asked me if I would like to face the priest with my sins or hide behind a screen. I thought they were nuts, who would choose to face the priest?
I was nervous the entire week before I was sent off to talk to a man that I did not know and confess my sins while kneeling in the dark staring at a screen. How haunting is that for a child. Especially a child that thought she was doomed for pain and suffering the rest of her life. And truly believed she was cursed. Oh, I thought do I admit that I want to stab my father, strangle my step-mother and then die to join my mother in heaven. If I said that would the priest behind the screen magically appear in front of me and tie me up while throwing holy water all over my body while simultaneously chanting hosana to the highest.
I faked sick the morning I had to confess my deepest secrets. It didn't work. That day my father decided to be sober and dragged my butt to the priest. Before I exited the car I asked my dad why didn't he go in and confess all of his sins. Why doesn't he go in and tell the priest what he has done to me mentally and physically. Well, I was sent off the priest with a swift slap on the back of my head. I am sure he wanted to slap my face, but that would have left a red mark.
I sat there and told the priest I hit my little brother, called my sister names, and talked back to my dad. Surprise, I was forgiven and sent off on my way. I felt betrayed by God and the church. What good came out of confession? Nothing for me, except realizing once again I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't, a good girl that had normal problems, instead of a little girl that was dying every day inside and losing myself and who I was with each passing moment.
Next came confirmation. I don't know what confirmation is about. What I was excited about was this meant I was done with CCD and I was able to choose another name to add to Heather Catherine Hogan. Most girls were choosing Marie or Mary. Not me, I chose Bonnie, the name of my dead mother. I was teased and ridiculed, but I didn't care. According to the church I was Heather Catherine Bonnnie Hogan, and it was the first and only day in my life up to that point that I was proud of who I was.
I never understood why I couldn't eat breakfast before I went and accepted communion. Every time we went to church I felt like I was going to pass out from hunger. I used to whisper to my brother, "For crying out loud, when is it time for the wafer? I am famished!" I would get the dirty look from my dad. The minute he turned his back I gave him the finger in God's house!
When I was twenty two and started my adventure to find out who I was and how I was going to live an adult life filled with anger, resentment, inner turmoil and demons on my back that had their claws dug so deep into my skin I couldnt' shake them, I left the Catholic church and only returned once until two days ago.
MacKenzie is my only child baptized in the Catholic Church. The only reason that happened was because when she was one years old my nephew was getting baptized and my family was freaking out that my daughter would end up in limbo if she died and was not baptized. I remember thinking, "What the hell kind of religion really believes that my daughter will end up in pergatory because her mother decided against a Catholic upbringing." I baptized her reluctantly, and promised myself any children after Kenz would not baptized unless that is what I wanted. My sons have not been baptized.
I have a very strong and deep relationship with God. I developed my relationship with God from twenty two to present without anyone involved in the relationship except God and I. We have a bond and a strong connection. I have listened to God over the last seventeen and healed because of Him. I have cried, dropped to my knees, begged for forgiveness and have been given peace, shown the light, and gotten rid of the demons on my back. I would not have been able to do that without God.
Two days ago I was having an extremely difficult day. My father has been at my home for a week. I have forgiven my father, but it is not easy for me to be around him. My father and I had a bit of an argument, I turned into a child again, but instead of lashing out this time I walked away. I got in my car, cried hard and started to drive. I ended up in the parking lot of St. Bonaventure Catholic Church. I got out of my car, walked into the church, sat in a pew and talked to God for thirty minutes. I read the hymn book, took deep breaths to take in the smell the church, kneeled down, joined my hands and stared at Jesus on the cross. It felt good to be in the Catholic Church. It felt good to be in a place where people come together to worship God. That is what I have been missing my whole life, and didn't realize. Church, any domination from Muslim to Protestant to Catholicism is not about anything else other than coming together to worship the God you believe in. It feels good to finally realize that.
This does not mean my children will be raised Catholic. I talk about God all the time with my children. My children and I pray together and talk about life and what it means constantly. What my thirty minutes in the Catholic pew means I am now ready to worship in a setting with other people that have the same feelings as I. Maybe it will be a Catholic church or a non-denominational church. My point is it doesn't matter, God loves us all!

Lost and Life

2009-04-07T15:20:00.001-07:00

My sister suggested I watch the show Lost beginning with season 1. I started it three days ago and cannot stop thinking about their characters problems, their lives before the plane crash, and analyzing how they are using their coping mechanisms to survive the situation they are in.
First of all I believe the creator and the writers of the show are brilliant. When I started watching the show I was thinking that each and every one of these people that survived the plane crash did so because they have demons within that need to be terminated, issues that need to be resolved, forgiveness that needs to be given to someone, and they need to come to the realization that their mistakes cost them a lot emotionally, mentally and financially, but that mistakes are a given, and they can move on. I believe whole heartedly that if you die before resolve your issues you are not free of them. We are all here to learn something.
I know this is just a television show. But to me it actually reflects real life. Think about if your plane crashed and you had to survive on a deserted island with forty eight strangers. I know exactly what I would do. It wouldn't phase me. I would briefly be angry that it happened, but I would survive. On the show you can see the leaders emerge. When you get a glimpse into their backgrounds you can see why these individuals are the way they are. Some are hostile, sad, weak, pessimistic, while others are optimistic, strong, and nurturing. What are you?
I love the show so much because it makes me realize the show is replicating life, only on a deserted island. We all deal with strangers and acquaintances all the time. I know I wonder why they are angry, mean, sad or weak. Most of the time I am caring, giving and understanding, but at times when I don't know what is going on in their personal life and I am being treated badly I become, short, mean, and sarcastic. How unfair of me or anyone else that doesn't step back and realize this person's grief has nothing to do with you or me, they are having internal churnings that disabled their functioning button momentarily. That leads me to my next point.
None of us know what is going on in someone else's life. We need to be patient, calm and polite with those we know and don't know. I believe that their is something wrong in every body's life that you encounter at any given moment. Their problem might seem small to you, but it is extraordinarily large to them.
Recently my old neighbor lost his thirty seven year old wife to breast cancer. She died within four months of her diagnosis. Her husband never told anyone. His wife laid in her bed on pain medications for four months, died and no one knew. What if I had run into the husband at the grocery store and he didn't say hello. Or what if he was very short with me in a conversation. Now imagine if I had treated him with anger and rudeness. People, life is hard, life is not perfect for anyone. We all have barriers to break through, remember that.
I am excited to see where this show takes these people and how they resolve their inner turmoil. I believe being stranded on a deserted island alone with our problems could really put what is important in life into perspective.

US Weekly April 4

2009-04-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

Surprise, Victoria Beckam lost again in the Who Wore It Best competition. She lost to Monica Cruz, Penelope Cruz's sister. It proves once again eating food in moderation and not looking like a canoe paddle is the way to go. Yes, once again, she wasn't smiling.
Lindsay Lohan says the reason she is not working is because, "All the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting." Wow, I guess the sicko fans that pay her salary caused her to get caught snorting cocaine, crashing cars, driving drunk and running away from the scene of an accident. Do you believe she could be in such a deep denial about why her career went to the dumps? I believe this is another case of narcissism at its best with a celebrity and why we love to make fun of them and belittle them at times. They have a tendency to become insane and absurd.
Halle Berry's baby girl is beautiful. Cindy Crawford is still beautiful and lives on earth, not in la la land like most celebrities. Reese and Jake shared a low-key lunch.
Justin Chambers fills up his own gas tank and Shenae Grimes licks her utensils. My age is apparent at the moment, I don't have a clue to who these people are.
Great news, Vince Vaughn is renting his four bedroom Chicago townhouse for $9500 a month. This might be my way into his heart. Problem is I can't relocate nor can I afford the rent. Maybe I will just fake interest to get a glimpse into his house.
The name of the week is Ikhyd. Rapper M.I.A and her fiance Benjamin Bronfman invented the name. Now, I have a feeling you are safe to name your child Ikhyd without worrying if there will be five other Ikhyd's in the Kindergarten class. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Here is woozy! I don't even know if you all will believe this, but here it is. Lindsay Lohan, her mother Dina, and Lindsay's FIFTEEN year old sister Ali, were turned away at the West Hollywood hotspot Villa because Ali, Lindsay's sister was underage. Dina's reaction was, "Do you know who I am?" I would have said, "Why yes, a crap mother with an insecurity problem, an identification malfunction, for you and your daughter, for you are too old to be picking up twenty two year olds and your daughter is to young to be doing the same!" I am so grossed out by Dina. I have to say, she truly gets the BIGGEST LOSER award. That will be a new weekly category with my blog. She is our first winner of the Biggest Loser in Hollywood for the week award.
Yep, it gets better. Lindsay said, "You're making a huge mistake. Huge!" I wonder what she is going to do. Do a line of cocaine, get drunk, and drive her mercedes through the club's entrance?
Alex Rodriguez was never into Madonna according to Manhattan Madam author Kristin Davis. It seems she rounded up prostitutes and even had a relationship with ARod herself. She is an expert on the type of prostitute he prefers: party-girl types with long hair and curves. That definitely counts carrot juice drinker, lean body shaped like a boy Madonna out. I am sure ARod is relieved the Madam Kristin cleared that up for him!
We have found out the DWTS diet secrets. I will sum it up: eat very little, restrict carbs to orange juice, dance eight hours a day, lift weights and do not eat carbs after 5pm. The majority of the dancers are size 0. Denise Richards was so happy to go from a size 27 jean to a 24. My step-daughter wears a size 24, she is eleven! Again, I wonder why we have bulimia and anorexia problems here in the USA!
That Octo Mom is at it again! I guess she is a camera hog. Out of the 100 hours that Angels in Waiting Spent with the babies Nadya was there for only eight of them. Come on, she had things to do. Starbuck runs, shopping, tv show appearances, those nurses sure are pushy. They say she is materialistic. She bought a new jacuzzi, MAC make-up and she spent $1500 on new clothes. I was hoping the clothes were for the babies, but they weren't. Her publicist is a smart one. He actually told US magazine that he told Nadya that she can't be asking for money from people for help and then buying Starbucks coffee. I am telling the truth now, he actually admitted he now goes and gets her Starbucks so she is not photographed drinking expensive coffee that tastes like burnt mudd.
Madonna is trying to adopt another baby. That is great. Her twenty one year old boyfriend will be a great daddy by the time he has his own children.
Ripped denim is back. In all seriousness, I do love denim with a few rips. Jumpers are back. Stay away unless you work for Jiffy Lube or live in La La Hollywood Land. Neon is the color we are all supposed to scream over. I am crying. The only neon I might go near is pink. Fringe is in. Subtle fringe is great, you just don't want to get lost in the fringe.
The freshest fragances this season are Oscar de la Renta Summer Limited Edition, Stella McCartney's Sheer Stella and Jean Paul Gaultier's Classique summer. I say the freshest fragances are the ones that gel with your skin and create a fresh smell. A fragrance can smell great on you and like dog poop on me. I have worn the same fragrance for ten years, it is always in season and I always get compliments. Stick with what works.

US Weekly 738

2009-04-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

It seems Paula Adbul once again lost in the fashion category. When will this idol judge who seems to take a triple dose of Tylenol PM before every show get it right? Her latest get up was a cross between Michael Jackson and Captain Jack Sparrow.
Lindsay Lohan is scared. She is unemployed. I am sure she has some acting talent, it has just been left behind at one of the clubs in LA somewhere. Probably near the bathroom sink where she spends time to make sure she makes it until the 4am witching hour.
The newest is he or isn't he on American Idol is Adam Lambert. I am voting for the yes he is most definitely gay. You know what sold me? The photos of him in drag kissing another man. Yep, I would say if not gay, at least bi-sexual.
I had to see another picture of my man Vince Vaughn. Only this time he was with his ex Jennifer Aniston. I could understand him choosing Jennifer Aniston over me, but not his present fiancee. I am still waiting Vince. Heather Vaughn sounds so cool. I would take your name, I am not afraid my peers in my craft will shun me or the public will reject me if I don't keep my stage name.
The question was raised who would be a better bond girl? Jennifer Aniston or Freida Pinto? Hello? Have these people watched James Bond recently? I would ask the question who would be a better bond girl? Gisele Bundchen or Jennifer Lopez?
Jessica Simpson has a new fragance out called Fancy. Fancy that, I am sure it smells really fancy, like, you should wear it out to a fancy restaurant. Surprise, her father has sent her back to her trainer Mike Alexander to resume regular workouts. It doesn't say her father was the one who sent her back to boot camp, I am just guessing.
Oh yeah, Nadya Suleman is hinting about the father of her fourteen children. It seems he is foreign-born but a California resident. I guess the media is not camped outside her house right now, so she is throwing some bones. I was just hoping he owned a company that manufactures sixteen seater vans.
Fergie dyed her hair black. To me, she is a pocahontas look alike. She claims the new dark do is "futuristic." I guess I will stay in the present.
If you can believe it Nicky Hilton and her boyfriend David Katzenberg wheel groceries to their car. That is what US magazine says. They even provided a picture for proof. Cameron Diaz gets highlights. I never knew. And finally, Taylor Momsen, who ever that is, picks out salad ingredients.
Surprisingly, there are a lot of cute off spring in Hollywood. This week they are featuring the sons of Liv Tyler, Christy Brinkley, Gwen Stefani, and Ethan Hawke. Here I thought they would be hideous.
A wonderful part about kissing Ellen DeGeneres according to her wife Portia De Rossi is, "There is no pain involved." Man stubble does suck!
Justin Timberlake is launching a new tequila in select cities in May. How do you choose those select cities? Based on illegal immigrants or where high end tequila is most sold?
Carrie Underwood snagged a white blazer and sandals at the White House/Black Market store in Nashville. Peyton Manning, who is second only to Michael Jordan in the category of whom Heather likes to sit in front of the TV and stare at while performing his expertise in his sport, ate a filet mignon at Sullivan's Steakhouse in Indianapolis. Drew Barrymore was in Austin Texas for thh SXSW festival. Don't ask, I have no idea what kind of festival this was. Maybe the letters stand for, Sex in the South West?
Reese Witherspoon is in love with Jake Gyllenhaal. He is nice. He is good to her kids. He takes pictures at her daughter's plays. They have great PDA and keep it simple. They make coffee runs and hit the beach. This story was the cover for this weeks US weekly. I would say it is slow in Hollywood.
Natasha Bedingfield got married. Another very unexciting story, unless you love Natasha Bedingfield. If you do, her dress was beautiful and made by Vera Wang.
David Letterman tied the knot. Whoo hoo. LeAnn Rimes, it seems, is stuck in her marriage. The husband follows her around and is stifling. Hello! He was her back up dancer and they married at the ripe old age of nineteen and twenty one. I would say LeAnn might be his past, present and future.
These are the women that have shown remarkable talent in recreating their look for the better: Michelle Obama, Anne Hathaway, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Biel, Tina Fey, and Kim Kardashian. What that actually means is US weekly pulled out really old pictures of the stars from their archives and then paired them with most recent pictures. We were supposed to look at the pictures and say, "Wow, what a transformation." Like I said, Hollywood must be slow this week.
Nude lipstick softens your look. Really? I thought bright red did the trick. Wear a vibrant polish this spring. If you want a peachy glow use peach blush. Are you into bombshell? If yes, clip-in extensions are the way to go! Finally for an instant change, change your part.
You are so last year if you are wearing a ballerina bun. I thought I was getting odd looks at little league last night. Taupe smoky eyes is for sure 2008. Don't you dare get caught in a bouffant bob. Damn it, I have to change my hair for pick up at school today. Feathered accessories are very wintery. It seems we would think of you as being covered up. Think about those poor peacocks in the summer, they are so out of it. Finally winged liner is no longer in. Are you asking me right now what the hell is winged liner? I will tell you. It was when you apply black eye liner to the lid of your eye and whisk the liner out past your eyebrow. Think cat eyes. Just don't do it, you will be shunned at Safeway if you do.
If you want an A-list body this is all you have to do. To remove your neck bands and chest wrinkles botox works beautifully. The cost is a mere $550 to $1500 per treatment. There is a new laser treatment to get rid of bikini line hairs. It is cheap, $200 per treatment. Don't get so excited, they recommend five treatments. Fix your hands and brown spots with $750 a session fraxel laser. Not to worry, only three of these treatments are needed. Get rid of cellulite with SmoothShapes. $250 a session, eight to ten sessions needed. I let my children know that top ramen is their new favorite meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What? I have to be A-list ready.
The must-have at the moment is Power Shoulders. They are trying to sell us on shoulder pads. The good news is this time around the should pads are much smaller. Ladies, don't buy into this. Don't even think about going there. If you do you will regret it, people will laugh behind your back, and you will be the topic of conversation at the monthly PTA meeting!

My Daughter is 16 and Heading to Prom

2009-03-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

My daughter is sixteen and loves me and hates me at the same time. I only know this is possible because I feel the same way towards her. Maybe hate is a strong word. Lets use the word, dislike. As much as I try and hide my exasperation, anger, and perplexed attitude towards her at times it comes through.
One minute I am the best mother in the world, and the next she wishes I was not her mother. I guess I am strict, mean, embarrassing, willful, and have zero compassion and empathy towards what she is going through. Are you asking what is she going through? I will tell you, absolutely nothing!
The problem is I have no tolerance for her attitude and behavior because I have nothing to base her reactions and attitudes on. My mother was dead when I was a teenager. My only wish was to have a mother that was alive and loving. Lord knows I wouldn't have treated her with such disdain. Or would I have treated her like a visitor entering my room every time she stepped over the threshold entering into my palace, where I, the princess spent 98% of my time? I would hope to God I wouldn't have done that had I had the chance to dismiss my mother, but according to my girlfriends that is exactly what I would have done. It seems they all did it to their mothers. I guess my mother was saved by an early death at the age of twenty six. She was spared being treated like the maid, the chaufeur and the laundry gal by her two daughters.
Here we are now, prom week. The $275 dress is bought. The $50 shoes are shined and waiting for Cinderella to slip her most elegant feet into. The bra pads have been sewed into the dress for a mere $35. The limo is rented, and all that was left for the prom to be a success was the hair.
Oh, the hair. You all have no idea. Thursday was the haircut at 3:15. Jessica did a wonderful trimming the edges to perfection. Cinderella asked her bitchy mother, me, if she could get another highlight to make her hair a bit lighter. I, the bitchy mother, let out a hearty laugh. Cinderella did not appreciate my laugh, so I was summoned down to step-mother status. My daughter decided she was going to go behind my back and get her hair lightened.
I called her at 6:15 last night to find out what her and the other prom princesses were having for dinner. She let me know she was in a chair getting her hair dyed. I laughed, said I won't pay, and don't call me crying. Forty three minutes later my cell phone rang. My daughter was screaming and crying. I asked, "Is one of your brothers hurt? What happened? Did you get in a car accident?" She screamed, "My hair is orange!" I repied, "Is that all? I will take a look at in the morning and decide if it needs to be fixed." She screamed, I laughed, she screamed louder, I laughed louder, and she finally hung up on me.
I went to my ex-husband's house this morning. It didn't look good, but it wasn't that bad. I told her she did this without my permission, got my ex to pay for it, she will live with it. I went to the boys baseball game and then picked up Cindy for her updo appointment.
Ah, yes, the updo. The updo only cost $95. She got in the car after her appointment. I said, "Oh, honey, I love it!" She said, "I hate it and I don't even know why I am going to the prom." I said, "Me either! Why are you going? Why are you miserable on this gorgeous day? Maybe if you pay me the $500 this is costing me you would feel better about going. Maybe if you realized there are girls out there borrowing dresses, shoes and getting their hair done by the blind neighbor you would feel better about going. Here is what I am going to do Cindy Cinderella, I am going to make you pay half of your prom cost so you can really appreciate the day. You owe me $250. I will take your payment in the form of cash, kitchen cleaning, laundry duty, litter box removal, dog waste discardment, or you can rub my feet ten times for $25 an hour!"
Whew, the reaction was comical, and extraordinarily entertaining. I am still laughing. I am off to shower. I have to be at the princess palace at 4:30 to do all the make-up for all the Cindy's attending the prom.
By the way, you betcha, she is paying for half. No one is going to get away with that attitude and no gratitude in my house!

Can you be in love with TWO people at the same time?

2009-03-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend text me the other day asking me if I thought a person can be in love with two people at the same time. As you could imagine the texts were long and too many to count. You ask why didn't you pick up the phone? My friend was training a client, so there was three women involved in the conversation. It was basically, them against me! I have an opinion, you might not agree with it, but here it is.
I do not believe that a person can be in love with two people at the same time. Being in love involves passion, romance (in the beginning and hopefully through out the relationship) unconditional love, empathy, forgiveness and an ability to compromise and be a partner with someone in life.
As humans we don't all have the ability to easily forgive, comprise, or share our life with someone else. Most of us only know what unconditional love is through our children. If you love your spouse or partner with unconditional love you are very lucky to have found that while walking the earth in flesh and blood.
When you are in love with someone whenever you see them you get a smile on your face, or when they are gone there is an aching in your body for them that can't be taken away by tylenol or advil. Only that person can take away the pain inside you with their presence. You can't imagine your life without them. How would you go on?
Being in love with someone is fierce and dangerous. I say dangerous because a person becomes vulnerable. As a woman who has not let many people in due to loss in my life, being vulnerable means I am standing at the edge of a cliff with only one toe stopping me from falling over. I am in love with one man, Mark, I didn't let him in until the age of thirty five, I am now thirty nine. I have never felt such loyalty and protectiveness towards a man. Let me tell you, at times my love for him has caused me great anxiety. You ask why? What if he died? What if he disappointed me? I would not handle it well. For he has my heart, my mind, my body and my soul in his possession. No one has ever attained the ability to even take one of those important aspects of who I am away from me. I gave them to him with trust. It was not easy for me to take a plunge into the unknown sea. These are truly unchartered waters for me. I am making my way, charting my course, but at times, with many storms brewing above and churning inside of me. There are times where I pull back because I feel way too anxious, and I would rather end something than have my insides ripped out again due to disappointment or death!
How could someone be in love with two people at the same time and go through all of that? I know, I am not normal. But my God, I can tell you if I would be dead from a heart attack if I was having to feel all those feelings twice over!
I did say I believe it is possible to be in love with one person and love another. I am in love with Mark, but I love my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I share children and had ten years together. How could I not love him? Being in love is a different experience. It is extraordinary and scary.
Maybe I am wrong or I maybe I am right. Love is a funny thing. It can blind you and paralyze you. Those are two things we can't imagine happening to ourselves in life. But we welcome them when we find love!
My father was in love with my mother. He loved her with all his heart. The day she died, my father had to go down to the local hospital and ID her. He came home to his three little children, told us your mother will never come home again, she in a place called heaven. That day my father's heart broke in two and has never been mended. He has never fallen in love again. He cannot say my mother's name, Bonnie, without tears welling up in his eyes. That was thirty six years ago.
When he talks about my mother I stare at him. I watch his eyes and his lips. The love he felt for her was great and filled his soul with joy. A huge piece of him left him the day she died. I believe watching him and his pain for years was a part of the reason I never let love in. I didn't want to go through hell on earth if I lost the one I loved with such intensity.
I finally let love in because I finally learned what life is about.

US Weekly March 27

2009-03-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Nicole Richie has selected boho-chicness as her maternity style for baby number two. If you or I chose this same style it would be called mumu frocks from Hilo Hattie's of Hawaii. In the Who Wore It Best column Jennifer Aniston once again out rocked her competition in a wonderful menswear chic suit from Burberry. Not surprising, Victoria Beckham lost again in this category. It seems that everytime another star is wearing the same outfit they out rock her. Hmmm, is it because Victoria seems to not eat or is it that she is always frowning?
Kelly Clarkson has basically told her weight critics to go chow down on a Quarter Pounder with Cheese from McDonald's. She doesn't care what you think about her weight. How refreshing! As she said, "Millions of people voted for me.....I was the biggest girl in the group!....People have liked me this way from the beginning." Put Kelly side to side with Victoria in Who Wore It Best contest, and I will vote for Kelly every time.
It seems Alex McCord from the show "The Real Housewife" was laid off from her visual merchandising job at Victoria's Secret. Not to worry folks, as she says, "I don't need to worry about cutting back until my severance runs out." She is a smart one. Spend now, and bitch later!
Prince William spoke about his late mother Princess Diana. "It is a grief never entirely lost. Life is altered as you know it......The word mummy....is now really just a word." I know first hand what he is talking about. It is true, sad and reality.
Paris Hilton and her boyfriend were snapped kissing in the waters of Maui. Here is what she said about Doug, "He bought me more presents than any guy ever!" I think it is all the wild sex coupled with the fact he actually introduces around town as his girlfriend.
My heart broke again. Another picture of Vince Vaughn and his fiancee with her 4.5 carat engagement ring surfaced. Why Vince? Why not me?
Best Friends Leah Remini and Jennifer Lopez were pictured wearing matching gemstone cherry necklaces. My best friend Whitney and I have matching cherry earrings from Claires for $2.99 a pair. I am sure their necklaces were a bit more and not from Claire's.
Good news, Stars-They're Just Like Us. Matt Damon was pictured exiting a port-a-potty in Cape Town, South Africa. Dean McDermott slept at a Calgary, Alberta airport while waiting for his flight. And Christina Ricci actually picks up her dry cleaning.
Lindsay Lohan partied at Chateau Marmont and Jack Nicholson't house until 4:30 am on March 14. Partying over mandatory alcohol-education classes is a wise decision. Even when the result ends with an arrest warrant. According to Lohan's lawyer it is all a big misunderstanding.
Howard K. Stern was arrested on March 12. It seems he was schemeing to get Anna Nicole Smith drugs before her death. Wow! This is the same man that claimed he was the father of her child, kept the real father of her child away, all the while giving Anna Nicole drugs and living with her in the Bahamas.
Britney Spears has rejected a $3 million dollar offer from four publishing houses for her autobiography. She wants more money. I guess $8 million would have been a reasonable offer. Since it doesn't look like we will hear her story anytime soon I will give you a glimpse into what you are missing. Talented young singer, Britney Spears, hits it big with her single "Hit Me Baby One More Time." The manipulation of this young girl begins with her own family, then moves onto management. She lies that she never had sex or did drugs until early twenties. Mother cashes in on her daughter's success, then outs her daughter in her own autobiography claiming Britney was doing cocaine and having sex in her teens. Britney makes one bad choice after another and ends up shaving her head, and holds one of her sons hostage in her bathroom. Police come, take her to the hospital, dad becomes her court appointed guardian and she seems to be getting back on track. Life is difficult and dysfunctional for most. However, I feel sorry for a girl that became a puppet for so many different people, from family to friends.
LeAnn Rimes married too young. Her mistake has caused her to have an affair with a married co-star. Their trysts were caught on tape. They are seen kissing in a restaurant and entering and exiting a hotel. Her husband is clueless and naive. It seems the man she is having an affair with has great abs. He also loves to makeout while Latin music is playing. I guess LeAnn wasn't singing any country ballads while in the hotel.
The Octo-mom took her daughter to Disneyland, her sons to Knott's Berry farm while $12,000 worth of cribs were being delivered to her new $564,900 home. She will continue to depend on donations. Do you want to know how I really feel? I feel angry, sad, and outraged! This is so hard for me to watch. I just am appalled that such a selfish woman seems to be getting exactly what she wants. I ask myself, "Heather, why do you care?" I care because there are so many homeless families out there right now that didn't impregnate themselves with six embryos hoping for a free ride and publicity. I am sick!
Briston Palin, 18 and her boyfriend Levi Johnston have split. Shocking!
The American Idol contestants live in a lavish mansion. It makes it all the easier when the losers have to go back to reality.
If you want your skin to glow; deep clean, exfoliate, prep with a serum and finally, apply a mineral-bronzer on cheeks and temples. People will need to wear sunglasses just to talk to you!
Metal dresses are in. Yep, that means gold and silver. I don't recommend rushing out and buying into this trend. Wait until sequins and baubles come back. That trend seems to come and go much more than metals.
If you are bored and feel like spending some money at the movies, according to Thelma Davis, Duplicity and I Love You, Man are great choices. Of course the Vampire movie Twilight is now on video. I saw a couple sucking each others necks last night around 1 am. I guess Twilight was available on Pay Per View at midnight.
Finally, Paula Abdul was once again caught by the Fashion Police. Maybe American Idol can help her with wardrobe instead of smacking down millions for the Idol contestants digs.

Just Imagine If......

2009-03-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Just imagine if you are standing in a Post Office that you have been going to for twenty years to pick up your mail, and all of a sudden your throat is slit by a complete stranger. That happened in Clayton, CA recently. One minute a father, husband and grandfather is going through his mail and the next minute he is dead.
Just imagine if one day, as a little boy or girl, you are riding your bike and your mom comes out and asks to ride your bike for just a minute. It seems she wants to show you something. Then right in front of your eyes your mother is hit and killed by a car. The place is unknown.
Just imagine if you and your six year old daughter go to a friend's farm for a visit. While there your six year old daughter is attacked and killed by the families Rottweiler. That happened in Rochelle, Georgia.
Just imagine if your eleven year old daughter gets sick. She starts to get really sick. Next thing you know she is dead due to a heart attack from a heart valve infection. This happened in Bellevue, Illinois.
Just imagine if your beautiful wife, or mother, or daughter decides to take a ski lesson. She is a beginner skier. She falls on the bunny hill. Not a bad fall, relatively minor, but an hour later she complains of a headache. Then within twenty four hours she is dead. We all know where this happened and to whom.
My heart goes out to these people. Unfortunately , I have three serious "Just imagine if" stories of my own. But for some reason when I read other peoples stories, my heart breaks in two and I can't imagine being them. My mind becomes so jumbled I cannot think straight and I become numb and sad for days. I am sure it is because I know what they are going through. When this happens the shock feels as if you have been dumped into a tub full of ice-cubes. You are paralyzed, you can't think, you couldn't swim to save your life. Where do you go from here? How do you move on? What are you supposed to do next?
Truly, you will never stop feeling the saddness that wraps around you like a newborn swaddled in a blanket. You find a place to deposit your saddness in your body somewhere. Sometimes you take a withdrawal and sit with your saddness for awhile. It feels good to cry and remember the one whom you loved and lost tragically. As the years pass, you deposit the saddness back into your body bank. The withdrawals become farther and fewer inbetween. Eventually, when you sit with your saddness it not all about the tears, it becomes about the joy of life.
You might be wondering how you slowly start to find joy instead of a deep saddness. What happens is you realize what a gift every day truly is. You realize you are not alone. The one that passed is always with you. You learn to love the birds, the sky, the wind, the snow, the mountains, the ocean, the thunder, the lightning, the stars and the moon. For, your loved one is seen in a cloud, on the side of a mountain, in the moon or in the stars. You can hear your loved ones thoughts as the wind blows through your hair, or in the thunderous roar of a storm. You realize the birds are not just singing, they are singing especially to you. You never know where or when you will see, hear or feel the one that was taken so abruptly, without warning and whom you long to see and hear, just one more time. If you pay attention they are there.
As you pay attention, and realize you are not alone you will love your life. You will wake up everyday thanking God for the day ahead of you. You better than anyone will know today is a gift, yesterday created sweet memories and who knows what tomorrow will bring so celebrate today. Smile big, laugh hard, hug like you mean it and look someone in the eye and say, " I love you!"
I pray for Liam Neeson and his sons. I pray they find peace and happiness in their memories. I pray Liam Neeson can be there for those boys who just lost a mother in the most tragic of ways. I leave you this evening with heaviness on my heart knowing what this family is going through. Time to kiss my kids and go to bed!

US Weekly Update, March 23

2009-03-16T08:36:00.001-07:00

It seems Jim Carrey enjoyed some time with Jenny McCarthy's son, Evan, on a beach in Malibu, March 8. Josh Hartnett got a warning ticket for speeding in Beverly Hills March 4. He was apparently driving a BMW 5 Series. What? Why such a normal BMW? Amy Winehouse was spotted buying candy in Barnet, England. In all seriousness, I am happy it wasn't heroin. Eat all the candy you want Amy.
This one seriously disappoints me. Vince Vaughn is engaged to be married. He gave his fiancee a $125,000 ring on Valentine's Day. I was waiting for Vince to find me. He never did. His loss, I would have accepted a $100,000 ring on St. Patrick's Day!
Madonna, 50, and her boyfriend, who is like 20, are still going strong. She is buying him expensive clothes, dragging him around the globe, taking him to the best restaraunts, all to make him fit into her world. I can't believe he isn't running home to be a struggling model again, and live a normal life. I am sure his declaration of love and dedication to her is real. Who really cares whom is using whom, all I care about is the fact that her very impressionable thirteen year old daughter, nine year old son and her adopted three year old son are forced to watch this. I guess I should calm down. Madonna is a great mom. Those children are not allowed to eat ice-cream, or drink milk, no TV, and magazines are off limits. I guess when your mom is Madonna you have all the trash TV and magazines rolled up in one right in front of you. First ARod, now Jesus, who is next to become a Kabbalah convert? I am guessing Roger Clemens.
Mario Lopez at some enchiladas at La Velvet in LA. Surprisingly, Tommy Lee was exchanging salivia with a young woman at the David Barton Gym opening in Miami Beach. I am always touching others lips at the gym! T.I., whoever that is, rocked out to DJ Berrie in NYC.
It seems Anne Heche's ex did quite well in their divorce settlement. The two will share custody of Homer, 7, and the ex, Coley Laffoon, will receive a lump sum of $515,000 plus $3700 monthly in child-support payments. I will not be running into Coley at Food Maxx anytime soon!
I am sorry to tell you that Martha Stewart's Chow, Genghis Khan, seriously, that is the name that was given, was killed in a propane blast at a Pennsylvania Kennel. I believe the CIA thought that some sort of new terrorist group had infiltrated the US and Genghis Khan was the leader. I am sure the CIA used a low powered air soft gun to ignite the propane tank. Martha should have registered the dog under John Smith.
Good news, 62% of people polled said they would NOT tune into the bachelor again. It seems the country is finally getting some moral standards and telling that snake Mesnick we didn't like your method of humiliating females on TV in front of millions. As usual, the victim, Melissa Rycroft, is getting the last laugh. She is looking hot and smokin it up on Dancing With The Stars!
Here are a few quotes about Nadya Suleman. "She's nuts." "Greedy." "Not capable." This next quote comes from a Beverly Hills psychiatrist. I know, I would have preferred that a Kansas psychiatrist, a bit more grounded and one that deals with normal people would have commented, but that didn't happen. So, here is what the psychiatrist had to say about Nadya after hearing a 911 tape that Nadya made after losing one of her six children briefly while pregnant with the other eight. "When a parent misplaces a child. they're going to be upset. But she goes beyond that. She's overly emotional, and the fact that she 's thinking of harming herself is of great concern." I would say she is overly emotional when she says, "My son is missing! I'm going crazy! I'm crazy!" she screamed before announcing she was going to kill herself in front of the other five children. Ok, I don't know how it feels to be pregnant with eight children, one at a time, three times, was hard enough, but I can tell you with 100% certainty, I would not threaten to kill myself in front of my other children ever, and blame it on hormones. This is narcissism at the top of its game!
Rihanna has isolated herself from family and friends. She is back with Chris. March 5 the full account of the assault was revealed. He punched her and bit her repeatedly as blood splattered; when she tried to call for an assistant to help, he threatened to kill her, then choked her nearly unconscious. I would be avoiding my friends and family if I was Rihanna also. She is confused, and does not want to hear the truth. I am so sickened by this story. I am done commenting on it. I wish her the best, and hope she doesn't end up ten feet under!
Finally, on a happy note, the cardigan is in this spring. US chose to show a camel color cardigan with every thing, but I say spruce the cardigan up. Go for some spring colors, green is my favorite. A green cardigan with a white tshirt underneath and some dark jeans exudes class and sophistication. The hair option should either be a low pony tail or wear your hair straight.
They say the four spring trends to try are: hot pink cheeks, rose lips, violet lids, and bold lashes. What they didn't say was if you do all four of these together you will be mistaken for a clown. Children will run up to you with balloons and ask for the hot dog dog. Hot pink cheeks, might work on a few of us, rose lips are great, I never recommend violet lids, and bold lashes are meant for the evening, not a run to Starbuck's.

Things Fathers Never Told Their Sons

2009-03-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Your dad never told you that girls can outwit, outsmart and outplay you. He told that to you for a good reason. He wanted you to learn these lessons on your own just as he did, because his father never told him that girls can manipulate like nobody's business.
Men more than women seem to be taken way off guard when dumped. That is because a woman will take some of the dirt you throw her way and act like everything is fine. But when the pile gets too big, she must lessen the load and off you go. A strong woman won't look back. She will say good-bye without a kiss or a pat on the back. The door will slam, the locks will be changed and out she will be that evening looking rather hot, searching for a man that can meet her needs.
Your dad never told you that a woman likes to have her back rubbed. A back rub is a must. If you do it with love your reward will be so great you will call her during the day and ask her when she can meet you again for another chance to lessen the pain in her lats.
Your dad never told you that girls like to get dirty. As long as you are pleasing your woman in many ways she will get down and dirty for any deed you want to take part in. Oh guys, I am talking dirt biking, four wheeling and even fly fishing.
Your dad never told you that women are great athletes, and have better memory skills than boys. Watch out, any woman that puts her mind to it can be in expert in sport statistics and whip your butt in sports trivia if she decides that is what she wants to do.
Your dad never told you, don't marry your mother. You don't want a woman that represents your mother. If you do, you have a problem, and a strong woman will call you out on it right away. The reason your dad didn't tell you not to marry your mother is he was afraid your mother might find out. Do you want to live that way?
Your dad never told you that a woman can handle separation and divorce much easier than a man. Your dad didn't want to bust your bubble and clue you into the fact that men need love and admiration much more than women do.
Finally, your dad never told you that he was once in total love with your mother. He at one point worshiped the ground she walked on. He would have bent over backwards for her. Then he took her for granted. He started to neglect her. He left her home when he went out. When he was home he ignored her, demanded food and forgot what foreplay was. He didn't tell you that he hasn't had sex in years. You know what your mother never told your father? Where she goes on those extended trips to the garden shop. Love your girlfriend or wife to the fullest and treat her with respect.

People Magazine Synopsis March 16th Issue

2009-03-12T09:41:00.001-07:00

Let me start out by saying People Magazine has some meat to it. I don't meat recipes for bleu cheese hamburgers, I mean some great touching stories mixed in with news on the wacky and weird celebrity world. Here we go.
It seems the movie, Watchmen, is not worth watching. Leah Rozen, the reviewer for People, only gave it one and a half stars out of four. I didn't think being blue and bald went together so well.
Kelly Clarkson new album, All I Ever Wanted, received three out of four stars. I am extremely happy for her. She was a waitress in Texas before being discovered by American Idol. She proves, dreams come true, and never give up.
Moving on to books. Miley Cyrus's Memoir, Miles To Go, is now in book stores. She is sixteen and has written her autobiography. I guess the Cyrus's needed some more money from the tween set, that will have to make extra beds around the house to buy this book, and find out what went on in her already blessed life before she shot to stardom without her father.
Flowers are in this spring. The floral dresses do look amazing on the size four and under Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. I do warn, the same dress on you and I could make us look like a flower garder in full bloom. Don't fret, if we can't pull off the full flower shop on our body, floral is in as hair accessories this spring as well. Fergie is seen modeling a beautiful flower in her hair. It looks a littl like a cross between a starfish and tarantuala to me, but hey it works for Fergie. Be warned, do not show up to the local PTA meeting with floral objects in your hair. Only sport banquets are acceptable events for us commoners to pull these floral trends in our hair off. You can go to unique-vintage.com to pick up the very nicely priced Gardenia clip for $15!
If you are not into flowers, feather hair accessories are in this spring also. Not the kind Pocahantas wore. No, I would describe these more like wearing an ostrich feathers in your hair. Again, do not show up at school to help your second graders class in one of these feather headbands. I would say you could wear it to the spring auction for your child's school. Good luck.
We now have proof that becoming a part of Hollywood does cause you to shrink in size. It seems that the past Idol winners, and runner ups, have lost a combined 222 pounds between the five of them. It reminds me of shrinky dink days way back when. Do you remember shrinky dinks? My sister and I used to color them perfectly, put them in the oven and be in awe of their tiny size when our grandmother would pull them out of the over. Basically, that's what seems to have happened to these five people, they had a trip to the oven.
Renee Zellwegger and her boyfriend Dan Abrams laughed throughout their dinner at BONDST. Renee looked happy. It seems Kim Kardashian stayed home sick while her boyfriend partied and celebrated his birthday in Vegas with Kim's sisters. More Paris news. Doug actually introduced Paris to friends as his girlfriend. It seems all the crazy sex they have, according to sources at US magazine, paid off.
Here is a story about women at their lowest. The bachelor, fromt he show the Bachelor, asked one woman to marry him at the end of the show. After the show was over, they entered the real world. It seems that the couple had less to talk about without the cameras. Jason started to think, "wow, what is happening." So the gentleman that he is decided dumping her as his fiancee on national TV in front of millions of viewers was the kind of treatment his fiancee deserved. Just when you think this poor girl's humiliation is over, another snake bite ensued. He gets together with the runner up! But hey, they are in love, they realized it after their six weeks apart. Has anyone clued in runner up chick, that she was dumped, left crying and is now taking him back after he dumps poor winner girl on national TV? Rihanna and these women are showing us just how far we have come since we got the right to vote. Please boycott the Bachelor!
Here comes the Rihanna news. She is back with her abuser who bit her, punched her, and threatened her life. Way to go Rihanna. He did work hard to get her back. He was persistent. He called her to remind her of the life had together before the beating. You know, they had a lot of fun together and were on top of the world! The good news is Brown's mother supports the reunion. Why the hell wouldn't she support the reunion? Her son allegedly abused her in a Miami hotel a while back. She is used to this behavior. I am repulsed by this whole situation. The one good thing I read in this article is, "The tide has definitely turned against her since she's gotten back with him." It should! She needs to realize this is not acceptable from her fans.
Two refreshing articles came up after reading that crap.First, David Gregory is as humbled and as good of journalist as we all know. He has a wonderful family, he is a great husband, and father. I didn't know he was 6'5, nor did I know the interviewer talent he most admires is his wife's. She is a trial lawyer.
This next story is now being told in a book called, Picking Cotton. This is one I will buy. A woman was raped in 1984, picked the wrong man out of a line up, she was adamant in her accusations that this was the man that raped her and he spent 11 years in prison before being exonerated due to DNA evidence. That reversal rocked her world. She sent a man to prison for 11 years who was innocent. She wanted to meet him. They met, he forgave her, and they have become great friends. I always believe forgiveness is the answer. But this man, shocked me. What a hero he is. I do mean hero. For he took his experience, never lost faith or hope, and did what a good person would do, forgive and move on. Hero's have the ability to move on, not be bitter, resentful or vindictive. Those qualities are far and few inbetween. Ronald Cotton possesses all of them!
Finally, the Slumdog Millionaire's young actors are still living in the slums of Mumbai. These kids tasted fame, helped a movie win Best Picture at the Oscars, and were then sent back to the slums. They do not have toilets and have mounds of garbage crowding them where they live. The director of the movie is paying for them to be driven to school every day. The directors set up trust funds for the children that they will receive at 18 if they finish school. Here iswhat Boyle, a director had to say, "Throwing cash at the problem-that doesn't work. It's about investing in the long term." I would say throwing cash at him for his next movie might not work in making it a success. How about he gets contract clauses that state he will not be paid until he reaches a certain number at the box office. Arrogance of his kind makes me run and grab the Pepto Bismol.
I commented on a Slumdog story in yesterdays blog. That story came from US magazine. They made the father look like a jerk for slapping his child for not standing up for the photographer. Thanks to People, I now know why the father was desperate to get his child photographed. They are still living in the slums!

My First Tattoo

2009-03-11T15:40:00.001-07:00

I had never thought about getting a tattoo. I looked at tattoos with prejudice and a snotty attitude that I couldn't blow away. Don't ask me why, I don't know why. At some point my subconscious decided only ones less fortunate than I had tattoos. But wait a minute, whom could be less fortunate than I? I was the daughter of an alchoholic, a dead mother, and ended up penniless at twenty two. I was a bit insecure I would say, and in turn neeeded to make myself feel better by judging the tattoo freaks all around me, as I called them back then.

At thirty five, and three children later I joined the ranks of people choosing pain and suffering while being permantly inked. I was in Berkeley with my cousin. We were out shopping while my husband was with my children. I saw a tattoo shop and decided I was getting a tattoo.
At the time, my brain was consumed with how to leave my husband without hurting my children. Not a possibility, but I was pondering and dreaming of schemes on how to accomplish the impossible for many years. There I stood, in a tattoo parlor designing my first artistic canvas, with a very nice stranger, that would become a part of my back forever.
I never once considered calling my then husband. Oh no, I was very excited for the shock on his face when he saw the proof of my independence. I was going to get him.
We decided on three whale tails emerging from the ocean, with a sunset in the back ground and an intial of each of my three children's first names on top of each whale tail. My daughter's initial would be in the middle, with that whale tail a bit higher than the others. She is the oldest, my second oldest won the tail to the left and the tail to the right was awarded to my youngest.
They asked if I needed a drink before they started. I said, "No, I have given birth to three children, I can certainly handle getting a tattoo." I started screaming within five minutes and demanded shots of tequila to be followed by Corona Light. I drank, and got through it.
I arrived home. I was feeling rejuvenated and confident. I walked up to my husband, who is now my ex, and said, "Hey, guess what? I decided to get a tattoo. Sorry if you don't like it or are a little shocked." I was so cocky. I turned around and lifted up my shirt to show him my art work that he couldn't do a thing about.
He said, "Wow! You got my initials forever engraved your back!" I almost threw up. He was right, his initials are JMC. My children are named, Jax, MacKenzie, and Cade. Remember, I put my daughter, MacKenzie, the oldest in the middle. I freaked out and said, "Oh my god! I didn't realize it!"
It was proven to me once again, vindictiveness always backfires, and the one being vindictive always loses. I will forever have my ex-husbands initials embedded in my back!

US Weekly Update

2009-03-11T15:20:00.001-07:00

After browsing my daughter's US magazine and People magazine for a few months now, and feeling totally repulsed as I read 90% of the material, I have decided I will save you the cost of the two magazines weekly and give you an update on the rich and mostly ridiculous every Wednesday. We will start today with US weekly and People's update will be tomorrow.
Lil' Kim, who spent a year in jail for conspiracy and perjury after lying to a grand jury about her friends involvement in a 2001 shooting says she reads her Bible every day. I wonder what she was thinking when she placed her right hand on the Bible and "swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God."
I guess bloggers out there are a little upset that American Idol contestant Danny Gokey is getting too much air time about his deceased wife. He is twenty eight, he lost his wife to congenital heart defect just four weeks ago. The bloggers are suggesting his dead wife and the tears he has for her are keeping him in the competition not his vocals. Can we use the words ridiculous, possibly jealous, and completely insensitive for these bloggers. I guess it is ok to show other contestants father's in jail, ones being raised by single parents, ones with fabulous families, ones that are dirt poor, but when one loses his wife a month earlier he is supposed to not react? Lets see, he is living his dream, probably dedicating every thing to his deceased wife and is still mourning, but hell, save those tears.
It seems that Slumdog's ten year old star was slapped by his father in Mumbai for not standing up for a photographer who was promised pictures of his young son. The father was calmed down by a neighbor. I am hoping the neighbor slipped him a $5 dollar bill and told him to calm down.
At a cover shoot for Elle magazine Reese Witherspoon munched on double-chocolate cookies and then raved about them. I made brownies today, they are delicious. They were Pillsbury brand, I just added one egg, 3 tablespoons of water,and a 1/3 cup of oil. Down the road at the Glamour magazine cover shoot, Katie Holmes let them in on some family time fun. Her and Tom play the three little pigs with Suri. They all laugh and when a good song comes on Toms starts to dance. Here at my house, we play baseball. If you are on the losing team you get tackled. If I am on the winning team, I start to dance.
Kelly Clarkson spent $900 on clothing as LF in LA. I spent $135 yesterday at Food Maxx. I love bagging my groceries, I can unpack them so much quicker when I get home. Keith Richards let his girlfriend pick up their drink tab at Gansevoort in South Miami Beach. Whoo hoo!
Jodie Foster, at the age of forty six received a speeding ticket in Beverly Hills. If you don't believe US, it was actually caught on tape by TruTV's reality show, Speeders. I bet that show rocks!
Paris Hilton has a new boyfriend named Doug. According to a pal of the pair, "they are just having fun while it lasts. They have crazy sex. That's what it is based on." Her parents must be so proud of her and what she does with her inheritance from her hardworking grandfather.
It was reported that Jessica Simpson had four or five Bacardi and Diet Cokes, not Coke, but Diet Coke, after her February 26th concert. Wouldn't you have all those drinks knowing you have just been photographed again, this time in short shorts. She was preparing herself for which unflattering picture the rats would choose to hit newsstands next!
Finally, I am going to finish with Nadya Suleman. According to US magazine, she told Dr. Phil "reality has not set in yet." You mean to tell me when you were chasing six out of control, attention deprived children, while carrying eight in your belly, you didn't realize what was happening? Ok, moving on. Her plan for childcare involved a higher power. "He gives you the strength, and that's what I am planning." She appears to be delusional. I have to tell you Nadya, God also gave you free will, you chose this, you better find some help and fast.
She has not responded to Custom Kingdom's offer of a year's free clothing, for each of her kids. It equals about $500 a month. I have a suggestion to Custom Kingdom: Offer her $6000 in cash instead of clothing and she will respond.
She hesitated at an offer of free housing and 24/7 childcare from the nonprofit group Angels in Waiting. "Nadya asked if she could do a reality show on the premises, and I said no," says the groups attorney Gloria Allred. Again, offer her the amount of cash she would make from doing a reality show, and then she will move in and make sure her children get the 24/7 care that they need.
Hope you enjoyed a little break from the recession and reality!

Children learning from Children

2009-03-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

I picked my son up from his baseball practice yesterday. I had sat there and watched his practice for a bit seething inside. My son had gotten the very short end of the stick this baseball season due to little league politics and fathers coaching sons to make sure they make a team. I read a quote on the side of a Starbuck's cup from a woman named Brenda Stonecipher, that sums up what we all go through if we have a child in youth sports. She is a city council member and Starbuck's customer in Everett, Washington. "Give me world politics, gender politics, party politics, or small town politics......I'll take them all over the politics of youth sports."
After Jax's practice we picked up Cade from his practice and headed to Great Clips to get the boys haircuts. While Jax was in the chair, I kept thinking about what my son is going through playing in a league down from all his mates and where he is supposed to be at his level. Jax is a big kid and in sixth grade. He is playing with fourth graders half the size of him, and with considerably less developed skills. Father's all over town have come up to me, saying the same thing, "I can't believe Jax is not playing majors." I had already unleashed my tongue on several members of the board, so I just replied, "Yes, my son got screwed, but we are making the best of it."
I sat there looking at him thinking maybe I should pull him and save him more humiliation. But then I went back to earlier thinking, he has learned life is not fair and is unjust and it is important to keep plugging along and become stronger from the experience.
It was a glorious day here in the Bay Area yesterday. Jax and I sat on a bench outside waiting for Cade to finish with his haircut. Jax said, "Mommy, I don't think I can play on this team. I am embarrassed, I know all the things the coach is teaching all these kids already. I have learned these lessons about baseball three years ago, I am bored and I just don't think I can do it."
I said, "Jax, lets be happy for what you have. You are on a team playing the game you love. Let's take this opportunity to perfect your swing, your pitching skills and your fielding skills. Think of it as practicing for the future." Well, that didn't help. He was down in the dumps. Then I said, "Look at all those beautiful flowers in front of us. Which one is your favorite color out of the five? I know which color flower is my favorite." He said, "I don't like flowers."
Just then a mother and her daughter came walking up to Great Clips. The mother was walking, but the daughter was pushing herself along with a walker. She had a serious disability the prevented her from walking on her own, and quite awkardly with a walker. Her mother was smiling and the daughter said in slurred speech that came from the side of her mouth, "Mom isn't it a perfect day for an ice-cream." Her mother said, "It is a perfect day for an ice-cream!"
I looked at Jax and said, "That little ten year girl can't run, can't catch, can't throw, cannot even talk normally, she can't even walk, but yet my son, she looked at her day and took the good out of it, she rejoiced in a sunny day and some ice-cream. Jax Carter, what you just saw doesn't get any better at showing you life is what you make it! I have told you make lemonade from your lemons!"
He sat there with his face in his hands for two minutes. I figured he was crying for himself. He raised his head, looked at me and said, "The purple flower is my favorite. The blue one is a close second. I know mom your favorite one is the red one!"
I stood up, hugged him, and had tears in my eyes. He then said, "You know what mommy, I have so much and I am always complaining and thinking about what I don't have instead of being grateful for what I do have. I listen to your lessons mom about compassion, empathy and how great life is, you just don't know it. That girl just taught me a lot."
Thank you God for the wonderful lesson my son just learned. We are off to baseball practice.

Why would Rihanna go back?

2009-03-05T08:57:00.001-08:00

At what point in a woman's life is her self-esteem and self-respect so damaged that as an adult, or even a teen, her self-worth is so far in the gutter, and heading fast to the drain, that she can be physically and mentally abused and go back to her abuser? Rihanna has proven that this is not a poverty problem. Oh, no, Rihanna, is beautiful, talented, rich in money and friends and family, but yet still sees herself as worthless and deserving of abuse.
I saw the picture of Rihanna's face after Chris Brown unleashed his inner beast on this young girl's flawless skin. I was shocked and horrified. How dare he! I said to myself, "She will not go back to him." Even after watching expert after expert on the Today Show predict that she very well might. I held out a vigil, that she would be strong enough and smart enough to realize the gift she is to the world, and realize her self-worth. I kept praying that she would be an example to girls all over the world that abuse suffered at the hands of one that supposedly loves you is not acceptable, forgiveable yes, but one should never go back.
If you have read my previous blog's I don't believe celebrities should be held up to moral standards that they cannot possibly achieve, simply because they are humans, and as humans we all make mistakes. I don't believe this incident falls into this category. Chris Brown didn't drink and drive nor did anyone get caught taking a bong hit or shave their head or even get in a bar fight. Chris Brown beat a woman! He bit her face, punched her and kicked her! It is disgraceful and sickening. Who does he think he is? He needs jail time, counseling, and to be humbled.
He is not humbled. He was photographed smiling while jet skiing in Miami. He contacted Rihanna on her birthday and they spoke. It looks like a reconciliation is in the future! Where are her parents? I believe Rihanna needs counseling. I have been outraged and I have used this case of abuse, egos, narcissism, and unlawful behavior as an example to my daughter of how insecurity and zero self-respect can turn a successful woman into a pitful example of whom you do not want to emulate.
I would hope Chris Brown can learn from this, and grow into an upstanding citizen, and one day husband and father. I don't believe that will happen if he gets off and Rihanna takes him back. This is not a case of losing it for a second in the heat of the moment. If you believe that, take a look at her face. This was a man filled with rage, anger, and zero self-control. Only a person with little or no empathy and compassion can unleash such a savage beating on the one he loves. He has problems. My sons have been warned, do not bring his music into this house, and my daughter has been told what a sorry state Rihanna's mind must be in to accept the beating she was given.
I will be the first in line to say give Chris Brown another chance if he shows true remorse, seeks help, and tries to educate boys about how to channel their anger and emotions when faced with a situation that they cannot control. The answer is not punching, kicking and biteing. If he can do those things, we will welcome him back to our ipods, cd players and radio stations. Until then stay out of my house.
I can only pray Rihanna wakes up and looks in the mirror, sees her reflection, and says to herself, "I am beautiful, talented and God gave me a gift. I don't deserve to be beat and demoralized. I deserve someone that loves me, respects me, and shows me what a wonderful creature I am through words, flowers, cards, and supportive action!"

Allergic Reaction at 30,000 Feet

2009-02-23T05:46:00.000-08:00

My children and I left for Chicago from Oakland Airport yesterday with anticipation and excitement to see my sister, their aunt, my nephews, and their cousins. I was not supposed to travel with my kids. We have to move next week, and there is a lot to get done. At the last minute I decided I wanted to go and would work extra hard when I returned home to get my move completed in order to spend time with my family in Chicago.
We arrived at the airport. We made it through security in no time. We headed to the gate and planned on eating lunch before departing for Chicago. Cade, my eight year old, ate pizza, his usual, and ate ice-cream for a treat. Kenzie, my sixteen year old and I ate our mexican delight, and Jax, my twelve year old, had pizza and ice-cream like his brother Cade.
About an hour into our flight Cade started coughing. Then his nose started running and he told me he was having problems taking a deep breathe. I went and got him some tissues from the lavatory so he could blow his nose. When I returned and looked at him I freaked out. His left eye was almost swollen completely shut! A very nice couple across the aisle offered her husband's inhaler. Jax, my twelve year old has asthma, and I know a lot about albuterol and inhalers. I gave Cade a quick lesson in taking a puff off of an inhaler and prayed this would help open his airways. It seemed to help. I then told him to look at me again. His right eye was now starting to swell. I lost all control!
I called the flight attendant. The flight attendant got on the intercom and asked if there was a doctor or nurse on board. There wasn't. I knew he was having an allergic reaction to something, I just didn't know what! Everything he ate was what he normally eats.
I was afraid his tongue was going to swell next, then his throat and that I could possibly lose him at 30,000 feet. There was nothing I could do. I asked the flight attendant to check if there was Benadryl on board. They didn't have any. I looked at my other two children and saw the fear in their eyes. Jax started hugging Cade and telling him how much he loves him. Kenz just started to cry, and told me how thankful she was that I was with them and she wasn't alone taking care of Cade, on this flight right now. My daughter is smart and very mature, but does not have the capability to deal with a medical crisis such as this on her own.
We now had thirty minutes left until we touched down in Chicago. I started to pray. "Dear God, please don't take my son. Please stop this reaction to whatever he is allergic to now! I have survived a lot but I don't know how I could get through losing him on this plane in front of my other two children!"
Ladies and Gentleman, Cade's nose stopped running, his breathing returned to normal, and his stopped swelling immediately. I smiled, and said thank you God! I obviously have a deep belief in God. The fact that I decided at the last minute to go was God pushing me, for I had no intention of going, the nice couple, Kathy and Barnett, were placed next to me, to help calm me and my children down, and God stopped his attack. I am sure God is showing me Cade's allergy now for some event in the future. Maybe Cade wouldn't have survived that attack if I didn't find out about his allergy now. The weirdest part was, I found this book to read that I cannot put down. I read a character's name, Heather Carter, that is my name, I write under my maiden name, Hogan. I thought how strange, and then the attack started.
Life is strange, and good! I will never travel without Bendadryl again! Cade and I will be at the allergist next week figuring this mysterious allergy out. His eyes are still a bit swollen this morning, but I don't care. I have kissed his face a thousand times and thanked God a million! Southwest Airlines once again, has impressed me with their customer first attitude. I love that airline, and will only fly Southwest if I have a choice.

Coffee and THE QUIZ

2009-02-16T07:58:00.001-08:00

I love coffee. I drink way too much coffee. I don't like Starbuck's, nor Peet's. My favorite place to get coffee is the Circle K. They brew Kona coffee and offer coffee mate. I don't take my coffee black. I always put in three splenda's to start, and always French Vanilla Coffee Mate. After the original cup I only use one more splenda and a bit of Coffee Mate no matter how much more coffee I drink out of the pot.
I am always drinking my coffee when I write, when I read the paper, and take the quizzes out of magazines. You know the quizzes that you answer their questions and at the end of the quiz they give you a look into your personality. Well, they are never right with me. I have decided to make-up my own quiz. I want you to take it and the end I will give you a run down on your personality based on the answers you gave. Who knows, maybe I can become a professional quiz maker! Ok, ready, here we go.
1) Which Government agent do you relate the most to?
a. Jason Bourne
b. James Bond
c. Jack Bauer (TV series 24)
2) If you entered a party and a person came up and started talking to you like they knew you, but you did not know who they were, would you:
a. Tell them straight away, I am sorry, but I am not sure how we know each other.
b. Try and figure it out who this person is for a bit, and then try and pull a friend into the conversation to save you
c. Wing it the whole time and hope you don't get busted
3) In your career do you prefer to work:
a. Alone, you can count on yourself and get more done
b. On a team, this way if you are stuck you can turn to someone else for help
c. It doesn't really matter as long as you get the job done
4) Which city would you most like to live in:
a. New York City
b. Chicago
c. Los Angeles
5) When it comes to smoking you:
a. Never smoke
b. Light up once in awhile in a social setting
c. If other's are doing it no matter where you are you will light up also
6) Which NFL quarterback are you most like:
a. Peyton Manning
b. Eli Manning
c. Brett Farve
7) After dinner do you prefer:
a. Nothing
b. cognac
c. tiramasu
8) Do you prefer:
a. Oprah
b. Ellen
c. Tyra
Ok, so now I am going to give you a run down on your answers. I am not a psychologist, I am guessing what your answers mean. I am convinced that is what the people that make-up quizzes do, they guess. Let me see if I can get a job in profession quiz making!
If you answered mostly A's:
You are very confident in yourself. You are a bit of a loner, and sometimes people would consider you aloof. You get the job done, however, you need to learn to relax and enjoy life a bit more. You don't trust people easily, and get mad at yourself if you make a mistake. The good news is you are extremely loyal to those around you, and will help whenever asked.
If you answered mostly B's:
You are the life of the party. You are confident, yet still insecure at times. You have no problem asking for help, you are loyal, and at times scatter brained. You are not the most organized person. Might even lose your car keys a lot. You love chocolate.
If you answered mostly C's:
You are insecure in social situations, especially if you are throwing the party. People love you and want to be your friend. You are loyal, but sometimes loyal to the wrong person, and you end up getting hurt. You wonder why me, and try to change. You are forever the optimist, until something goes wrong, and the glass immediately goes to half empty.
I take these all the time, I don't know why, let's see if my questions and my analysis could possibly be right. Maybe you will be like me after this quiz, you will be done taking them!
Hope you had fun!

The Hardest Part of Being a Parent

2009-02-15T12:39:00.000-08:00

The hardest part of being a parent is watching your child realize for the first time life isn't fair. My son got his first look at politics tonight. It wasn't on Hardball, or Meet the Press, it was Little League.
I was an athlete my whole life. You name the game I played it. I was well aware of men trying to relive their broken dreams through their children. Of course, daughters, if they didn't have sons.
Let me tell you as a single mother who is the force behind my children's sport's aspirations, I knew I would come face to face with being caught as a woman, in a very dominated father's world where my opinion means nothing. The funny part is, I can go toe to toe with most of these suburban dad's, but I don't hurt their ego,because in turn it would hurt my sons.
I won't bore you with the details. Jax got the shaft today. I admit, it is the first time in a long time I have lost my cool! My son is an incredible baseball player. People from all over, actually anyone who sees him play, have commented on his arm and what a great player he is. It didn't matter this baseball draft.
There are rules in Little League that are unjust and unfair. But I could deal with them because that is life, and those are the rules. But when my son gets the short end of the stick because dad's are all exhibiting their ape like qualities in a draft that lasts until midnight, I know gross, these are eleven and twelve year olds, not the MLB, and playing favorites among their children my mother tiger comes roaring out with little control.
Unfortunately, I have a few friends that were at the draft that told me how unfair it was and what went down. My son made a team, but one with players considerably younger than him.
We were in shock, my son was in tears, and doesn't want to play. I keep reminding myself that Michael Jordan was cut from his High School Basketball team and he kept trying.
I am sad for his humilation, I am sad he had to learn what goes on in real life already. It is hard to watch your child realize life isn't always fair. I am in a dilemma. Is the high road the one that involves having him be humiliated, bored, and demoralized? Or is the high road the one of which I try to find another league in another city? Or is the high road let him take the season off? The problem with that is Jax is a phenomenal baseball player that has an intense love for the game and taking a year off would crush his spirit.
I haven't been stumped like this for a long time. I have to make up my mind. This is the part of parenting that breaks my heart. His innocence is being chipped away a little at a time in front of my eyes. There are so many good things in life, but being naive when you are a child, when the world seems fair and just is a brilliant time in life. So to watch that slowly dissipate in your child is heartbreaking.
I dried his tears and told him we will make this decision together. He looked at me and said, "mommy I just don't want to disappoint you. I am sorry, I did my best, and you tell me to do your best, you can't do anymore than your best. Why couldn't you have been at the draft like all these other kids dads?" I told Jax, "the best things in life are the things that you earned all on your own! You have always earned your right on every team, you got jilted, but in the end we will make this right."

Swingers...why?

2009-02-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

If you are a swinger and you are offended by my blog, I guess I apologize. The art of swinging fell into my very suburban lap about two years ago. If you don't know what swinging is, I will tell you. It is where a supposedly very happy, normal couple decide swapping partners with another couple for sex is a great idea. Supposedly, these people, are secure in themselves and their life. I should not judge, but I have not figured out why watching your wife or husband sleep with another person in front of you is a moral and sound act to participate in.
Mark, my boyfriend of four years, and I were out in San Francisco about two years ago when we were first approached. We met a lovely couple at an upscale establishment and started talking. They had four kids, two dogs, and the picket fence. They invited us to their room for a drink. The bar we were in was located in the hotel they were staying in. We said sure.
We went up to their room and started talking about kids, Mark and I have five between the two of us, dog training, business, and then before I knew it I was being asked if I would like to have sex with the man in the room by his wife. The other part of the deal was my very hunk of an Australian boyfriend, and I mean Mark is hot, would have sex with his wife. I immediately grabbed my drink, started smelling if for some sort of odor that would tell me I have just been drugged into complacency with this absurd and looney couple. I smelt nothing. I didn't take chances though, instead I opted for a glass of water out of the tap that I went and retrieved for myself. Mark about jumped out of his skin when he was innocently going to take a sip of his drink and I screamed "NO!"
Of course I politely refused. The good news was they accepted our decline to their invitation with grace and ease. The curious side of me once again got the best of me. Mark wanted to split and I wanted to interview them. I asked them question after question, trying to figure out why this would be a good idea. You would have thought I was writing an article for the San Francisco Chronicle.
After my forty five minute interrogation I walked away with some answers. I asked questions like, why would you want to watch the person you love have sex with another person? The answer was, sex is just sex. It means nothing more than arousing a person's body. I thought, "wow." I explained that sex to me is the most personal, and intimate act that you can do with another human being. You cannot get any closer to another person, than sex. I truly believe, there is some serious insecurities in these people's characteristics that would cause them to want to play such a game.
I won't go into all the questions, but what it came down to really, was a load of crap. I did find out by the end of the conversation the wife was just going along with this to please the husband. I told her in front of this man,"this is the most absurd and ridiculous role that you are coerced into playing as the wife. It is not your duty as a wife to have sex with other men, and for your husband to have sex with other women in front of you. If you are only doing it for your husband you will suffer great consequences later on mentally, and possibly physically at one point." After that statement we were asked to leave.
Over the last two years Mark and I have been propositioned about eight times. Each time, I leave that couple feeling sad for their need to fulfill something that is missing in them and their marriage with such a dirty deed. I am sure they have excuses, and claim this makes them happier. I would ask whom does make it happier? Both of them or one of them? I would dig deep down in my psyche to figure out what I am missing in my life to play a game that could end up detrimental to my family and myself.
Fast forward to two nights ago, Friday the 13th! A couple we have known for four years, our sons play baseball together, and we have had family get togethers, and plenty of good old fashioned fun, invited us to their hotel room they checked into to celebrate Valentine's Day. They had to do have their celebration on Friday night instead of Saturday due to kids schedules. We said sure we would love to join you for a drink, first in your room, and then the lobby bar.
I am going to get straight to the point. We walk in and porn is playing on the tv. Ok, weird! I know these people, there is no way I could have misjudged. Next they ask us to play cards. Sure, we love cards. We play gin rummy. My girlfriend wins, we then realize we are playing truth or dare gin rummy. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom, yes porn is still playing, Mark follows me, we plan our escape, come out to say good-bye and my girlfriend is performing a sexual act on her husband. We leave.
Tell me, how do I act when I see them at little league, or a church function, or the grocery store, or at the school carnival? I came home, the first thing I did was start laughing hysterically for about ten minutes. Mark was in shock! I said honey, "either we exude sexual promiscuity or we appear to be very naive."
What a weird and strange world we live in. I hope I am not becoming the minority, and the swingers are the majority!

I am 39 today, and this is what I KNOW

2009-02-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

I am thirty nine today! Today is my birthday. I think birthdays are very special. This is the day you were introduced into the world. This is the day that your seed was planted firmly in the earth's ground. On this day, the watering of your seed needed to begin so your seed would grow and turn into a beautiful flower.
Some seeds are never watered, some are overwatered, and others just seem to get enough water to bloom into a flower or plant that fits in nicely with the rest of the garden. While the ones that are not ever watered are always the weeds wondering how to become a flower. For, it is quite difficult for the weeds, to change into a flower without any rain. It is like they reside in the desert. But,the good news is, we have a product called Miracle Gro! You can put it on, every seven days preferably, bloom slowly, and turn into a flower. That is what happened to me!
My seed entered earth's soil on February 11, 1970. My seed was watered for almost three solid years until my mother was killed in a car accident. I do not remember my mother, not a single thing about her, but I believe those first three years of her watering me, helped my tremendously, through the next thirty two years of my drought. I must have been smart enough at age two to start storing water somewhere in my body and ration it for use when needed. Especially, when I was getting so toxic I was dying for thirst.
I was going to make a list of the thirty nine lessons or wisdoms that I have learned during the course of my life, but I decided, I will do twenty five since this seems to be the craze on facebook! I will start with the lessons I learned as a young child, you will see them changing as I become older, and feed my seed myself with Miracle Gro! By the way, I do not have a facebook page so I have been feeling left out. Here we go.
1. Your Kindergarten teacher does not appreciate worms being brought to school.
2. Your first grade teacher gets mad when you scream on the top of your lungs "SICK" when the kid in the desk next to you barfs.
3. It is never a good idea to give your older sister a white wash while her friends hold her down for you. For you will get one back and feel as if you are drowning while simultaneously your face is getting frost bit.
4. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can.
5. A father is not a hero, an aunt is.
6. Sister's have the greatest bond.
7. Life is lonely.
8. Cheating on your 6th grade science test is never a good idea. Especially, if you decide to walk right up to the kid next to you while the teacher is supposedly getting a drink of water, it is a trick!
9. Stealing your father's car at the age of thirteen can cause you to get a very quick, and well deserved, slap on your face.
10. Alcoholics, are narcissists, self-centered, and victims. Yes, they have a disease, that can be cured. They will cure it when they stop being so selfish.
11. A good time to talk an alcholic is when they are drunk, they are nice, and will give you the world.
12. When you try and punish a loved one for not loving you, you are actually just punishing yourself!
13. The one person you can count on in life is yourself.
14. If you learn to love yourself you will love life, and others,
15. Resentment and anger get you know where, except at the pity party.
16. Nature is God's greatest gift.
17. Our five senses are meant to be used to smell the roses, see the beauty in the rose, hear the bee's buzzing around the rose, touch the petal and feel how silky it is, and then realize that moment when you combine all your senses that were touched by this rose, you are feeling happy and content.
18. Children are a miracle.
19. Have an attitude of gratitude, no matter what hand you have been given.
20. Eat good food, with people you love, and it will taste even better.
21. Laugh and smile. There is so much to be happy about.
22. It always works out, and it will get better.
23. Hug and kiss like you mean it, look someone in the eye and tell them how much you love them, and take in the moment.
24. Never stop having faith, for faith leads you to hope. With hope and faith you will always be guided to where you need to go.
25. LIFE IS GOOD!
Heather

First Look at Octuplets

2009-02-09T08:42:00.001-08:00

The world just got their first look at the octuplets. A deep saddness blanketed me while staring at my TV, like snow covering grass when it first starts to fall. It takes awhile to completely cover the grass, well, it took a bit for the saddness to totally consume me.
I am not a doctor, but watching those little babies breathe was like watching my son struggle for air when he is having an asthma attack. I know how hard it is for Jax to get the oxygen when his attacks start at eighty five pounds let alone two pounds. Maybe their labored breathing is not a big deal, or maybe the fact that one of these babies had to wear a mask covering their eyes is not inhumane, even though this mess was totally unnecessary. My seven year child, Cade, watched this with me. He said, "yuck, I didn't look like that. What is wrong with these babies? Mommy, why are they so tiny? I can't watch,I feel so sorry for them mommy. Please turn on Spongebob." I said, "you know what Cade, I can't watch either." Spongebob and Patrick were so much more enjoyable. I even enjoyed Mr. Crabs and Squidward for a moment.
This is an example of irresponsibility and selfishness at it's peak. I should not judge this woman, for I am not perfect, but I will say I have never witnessed a case of injustice like this towards children in all of my thirty nine years, well, let's not get ahead of ourselves, I turn thirty nine of Wednesday,for now I am still thirty eight. I am going to say it, you all might disagree, but this woman deserves nothing from the public.
Before you all call for my lynching, I will send diapers or help if need be, for one reason, and one reason only, well, actually, fourteen reasons, the children. We will pay for her hospital bill, someone will pay for the children's care when they leave, and neighbors and strangers will rally around her to help. That is what we should do as compassionate and giving human beings. But it doesn't mean this woman should be offered millions of dollars for her story.
Her story is simple. She is an attention seeking, selfish, self-righteous individual, who cannot grasp reality, or simply be comfortable in her own skin. There are a lot of people out there like her. The difference is she put her needs, wanting attention to fulfill her somewhat scared and lonely self, over her already existing six children. That is negligent and gross. She lives in a three bedroom house with her parents, and decided bringing another six, before the embroyos spit, would be a great idea, because she wants children. Please, I don't buy it, and neither should you. I will not buy her book, watch her on Oprah, or Good Morning America, but what I will do is somehow try and help these kids. So, where do I send the diapers?

Stars and Athletes are not Contracted to be Perfect

2009-02-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

Michael Phelps bong smoking incident has brought out the cry for lynching once again, because Michael failed to live up to their standards. Give me a break!
My question is when an athlete is five years old and training every day for their sport to one day be an Olympian should they be told, "make a decision now,you will have to live a perfect life if you want to have the accolades that go along with your glory." Or perhaps a movie star that is waiting tables and living in a cramped studio apartment while going to auditions should be asked, "I know you are sacrificing now, do you want to stop going after your dream for when you get it you are a slave to the public?" This is ridiculous!
If that is the case then every person should be held to the same standards. I am sorry,but just because they make millions does not make them sinless or less human. Human beings make mistakes, period. They are humans. Is jealousy the reason for the outrage after a celebrity falls from one of our own perfect lives we are leading? Why are you so outraged and what gives you the right to be the judge and jury of every celebrity mishap? We don't have a right to be God. If you want their money and lifestyle, then get your butt out there and work for it, otherwise be quiet.
The old line "our children idolize them" is the fault of a parent. Children should have inspirational figures, first being their own parents. If you are doing a good job with your children they will idolize you first, then look elsewhere. Your children should have dreams, their own dreams, they should not want to follow the foot steps of anyone but themselves. I teach my children to create their own paths with their own footprints. If they want to be an actor, then their path to get their will not be the same path that Brad Pitt took, nor should it!
I always use these incidents when stars fall as a learning experience for my children. I do not know any athlete or celebrity that has not made a mistake. We all make mistakes, but celebrities don't always have the best judgement, simply because, they live in a warped world, and they are human, although they are treated like Gods. When we emulate anyone other than our one and only God, we will be disappointed. I tell my children that athletes, singers, and movie stars are just like us. They sin, because we all sin. It is not cool to do drugs, or any illegal activity, but how fair is it to ask human beings that have worked hard to get where they are to held up to standards that are intangible?
It is unfair and unjust. Make no mistake, the companies that endorse them and try to sell them off as noble and wholesome individuals know whom they are dealing with, but will sign them for one reason: MONEY! When the athlete or celebrity falls, the corporation drops them, and they hope they have already made millions on their gamble. That is what it is a gamble. They are gambling on how long it takes for the buying public to stop idolizing the corporations latest idol. Parent your kids, and stop worrying about the rest!

Final Sense....Feeling

2009-02-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

In my previous blogs I talked about life coming down to the five different senses, at least for me. I went through smelling, hearing, touching, and seeing. You can access those previous blogs through my author home page. Now I am on to the final sense, feeling.
How we feel dictates our entire existence here on earth. How we feel is determined by what we hear, what we see, and to a some what lesser extent, what we touch, and what we smell. The sense of touch and smell can bring happiness or saddness, and bring good or bad memories to the our present state. But what we hear and see really determines how we feel.
If you are constantly looking at the negative in every situation, and you never see light at the end of the tunnel you are creating anxiety and unnecessary stress on your body. When that happens you feel stressed out. It is proven; stress causes sickness and disease. Your body has a harder time fighting off the illness if you are stressed.
How you feel at any given moment will dictate how whatever is happening to you at that moment will be played out. You can create a marvelous life full of gifts from God, or you can create a life filled with stress, anxiety, disease, and heart break. It is truly up to you!
This is why I say life for me comes down to the five senses. I stop to smell the roses, to hear the birds sing, to touch someone with a loving hug and feel that hug in return, to see the good in everyone and every thing around me, and in turn I feel like the most blessed individual walking this wonderful earth 92% of the time.
The other 8% of the time, I might have just forgotten what is important, or put me on the bottom of the list that day, or I had terrible PMS, or I lost the gratitude for all I have for a moment because I was feeling weak, jealous, abandoned, angry, and stressed out. During that 8% when I am feeling sorry for myself, the smell of the ocean air will smell like old sea weed, instead of hearing birds singing I will complain about the traffic I hear around me, instead of hugging someone maybe I will touch my dog with a push instead of an embrace, I will see a person that is driving too slow as incompetent instead of with patience, and all those feelings will cause ME to have a bad day!
The good news is it only happens 8% of the time now. Hey, no one is perfect. I get better every day, and it used to be only 50% of the time I used the five senses to make my day more glorious. Now I can say that 92% of the time I use the five senses to make my life richer and more blessed than I thought possible!
Hope you enjoyed my thoughts! Go out, smell the clean air, even if it is dirty, imagine it is clean, look at the beautiful sky, listen to the birds sing, or the trees rustle in the wind, embrace someone you love, see the beauty in a sunset, and take a moment to realize how those experiences just made you feel!

Our sense of Touch....

2009-02-06T18:04:00.000-08:00

Ok guys, two senses left, and they are big ones. I am now on to the sensation of touch. Touch, can produce many sensational feelings. For this blog, I am using the definition of sensation to be: a state of excited interest or feeling. A touch can cause a person to be in a state of excitement or a feeling of elation. It certain touch can cause a feeling of elated fear or happiness. Now that we have that straight lets get to the sense of touch.
I remember the first time I touched my daughter's cheek after giving birth. I kept rubbing her soft cheek feeling the moment for what it was, a miracle. I was touching my daughter whom nine months before never existed in our crazy world. Now, due to the act of her father touching me in a physical manner, that caused us to get physical in a sexual way, I was now touching the miracle that resulted from that first touch.
Really how did it all begin, how did I conceive a child, how did child grow inside my body, and then enter the world. I first saw Kenzie's father, then I heard his voice, then I smelled his cologne, we talked we touched, deep feelings ensued, and the next thing you know I am holding my daughter, and touching the softest surface I have ever had the pleasure of rubbing my thumb across. All five senses worked together to bring my child, and subsequent children into my world.
Remember as a an elementary student your teacher taking you outside to gather different objects from nature. We would bring the objects inside and compare how they felt to our touch, and what did that make us feel like inside. By the way,I didn't go to a montessori school, just a lovely elementary school in Grayslake, IL called Woodview. That day, even though we didn't know it, we were made to use one of our senses, touch, and connect it to our sense of feeling. Slowly, throughout the years we built our lives around our senses.
When someone gives you hug, their touch can lift spirit from utter despair to a moment of feeling safe. How great does that feel to feel safe when at the moment, I don't think many people are feeling very safe. Give someone a hug. Ahhh, a kiss. A kiss can give goosebumps, it can send an electric feeling through your body, you can actually feel the need to sit down you are so overcome with emotion, or that kiss could make you feel sick, it could make you want to run and cry.
What happens when you touch your dog or cat? For me, I feel nothing when I touch my dog. When I touch my cat I feel connected, and end up smothering my face in my cat's neck. After I have smelled my cat I hug my cat so tight he feels the need to claw at me to get out of my grip. But I don't care, for a few moments the world stopped,and I was elated to be touching, smelling, and listening to my cat. Another moment of what life is about for me, joy that I feel from my senses. Do not fret, I will elaborate in much more detail how the five senses shape your life in my next and final blog.
When you are talking to someone are you toucher? If you are not a toucher, you have probably had a conversation with a toucher, and that conversation either made you very nervous or very comfortable. Can you guess what I am? I am a toucher. But I also can feel someone's emotions by seeing the look on their. If I am a making them uncomfortable I will stop touching their arm to make a point. It is interesting to me how different people with different backgrounds respond to another persons touch.
Is it because the only way they were touched as a child was in a negative way. Were they physically or sexually abused? Or where they hugged and held in a loving manner? Or were they never touched? If you were never touched as a child you are not comfortable with the feeling of a touch as an adult. Do you see why the sense of touch can really shape a person's life?
I am going to leave with you this; hug with love, kiss with passion, hold someone with warmth in your heart that makes their life meaningful and full of love, and never touch anyone, child or adult, that causes hurt, harm, or pain to that person's spirit and emotions, because if you do you are making that person's life one that feels as if they are living in the depths of hell!

Here We Go Again....If HE were black..

2009-02-06T10:39:00.001-08:00

Michael Phelps is photographed inhaling marijuana from a bong. Who cares? You know what, this kid broke the Olympic Gold Medal record. He collected eight gold medals! Can you even fathom that accomplishment? Do you know the dedication and work it took him to get there, while being raised by a single mother? The same dedication it took black athletes to get to where they have gotten, in the NFL, NBA, MLB, and they are all treated equally.
All of these athletes get huge salaries, and even more in endorsement deals. Whether right, wrong, or just plain unfair there is nothing we can do about it. We put athletes up on these pedastals and expect them to nurture and be a role model for our children. Guess what? It is not their job. It is our job as parents, to instill, hard work, diligence, character, and perserverance in our children. If you are expecting Michael Phelps, Michael Jordan, or Michael Vick to create and mold your children into great athletes, or children who can go against the odds with their determination and work ethic to become the next star athlete, then you shouldn't be a parent.
Give Micheal Phelps a break. He is twenty three years old, and has not really had a chance to spread his wings and just be a college student wanting to party a bit. I took a poll this morning on Fox Sports online, the other site besides Red Room that I am always, and voted to leave Michael Phelps alone. So did 79% of the other people that answered the question. But of course on man had to say "if he were black he would lose all his endorsements." What the hell? I am outraged, when does this stop? Stop crying that if so and so was black or white blah blah blah!
Let's take Adam "Pacman Jones" who did play cornerback, most recently, for the Dallas Cowboys. He has been suspended numerous times for all his off the field antics. Get this, he has been arrested at least six times and involved in at least a dozen incidents that required police attention. Hello?! What does the NFL do? They keep suspending him and reinstating him . In my mind, he should not be reinstated once again. How many chances does he get? Here is the kicker, he is black. And so what? This is not a black, white, hispanic, or japanese issue, this an issue that NFL has to deal with, and not based on color but based on performance. You know what, maybe if he was a white player and we kept giving him these chances a black person might claim if he was black he wouldn't get a second chance. It is irrelevant. He is black, he has gotten a lot chances, and if he was white, I would say the same thing, it is time to kick him out of the NFL.
I believe in the three strikes you are out rule. Every one makes mistakes. We cannot be perfect, no one. Not even my beloved Michael Jordan. If you make a mistak, we need to sit down and talk and come up with a plan on how to make sure this doesn't happen again. After the evaluating process we get you the help you need, and if you make that mistake a second time, we sit you down again. We lay out the rules for you in writing. Something like, ummm,if you smoke marijuana, get in a bar brawl, show up with an illegal gun at a strip club, test positive for steroids,have illegal dog fighting in your backyard, or your posse is involved in a death outside of a night club, or domestic violence charges are brought against you one more time you are out! Plain and simple, you will be kicked out after the third offense. I would then make them sign it, keep them in counseling or whatever to help them and if they commit the offense a third time, they are done!
This is not a black or white issue. This is an issue for sports all over the world. If there is one place that there is equality between races in this world it is the wide world of sports. Manny Ramirez just turned down a $25 milliion dollar offer from the Dodgers and he is Hispanic. If you are a superior athlete, whether, black, white or hispanic you are making money. They are all held to the same standards.
Michael Phelps lost an endorsement from Kellogg's. That is a significant loss of money. He is white and he was dropped. Please stop making this a race issue. Michael Phelp's is a kid, he made a mistake, let's move on. Maybe he can bring home nine medals in four years. It is all about learning from your mistakes in life. No matter what race you are, we are all the same, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve forgiveness.

Will racism ever end?

2009-02-04T08:40:00.001-08:00

I want you to ask yourself these questions, and I want you to answer it honestly. You are answering to yourself, no one else needs to know the answer. Are you racist? Do you feel superior to another race or hatred or have intolerance towards another race?
Really think about that. I will answer the question for you in a moment. Yes, I am throwing myself out there, but I feel we all need to look within to realize how difficult abolishing racism from the world would actually be. Can it be done?
My first reaction is, no of course I am not racist! I don't target blacks, hispanics, or other ethnicity's. I don't have hate or intolerance towards others, at all, but at times, I have to admit, much farther and fewer now than in my youth, I did and have felt superior. But I would not say it was feeling superior over an entire race, I would say it was feeling superior over a class of people that had less money than I, lets call it social ranking. So at times, in certain situations, I have exuded racism. I have felt painfully embarrassed after walking away from a situation realizing my feelings and I now no longer tolerate that behavior within myself for one second.
Now, we might think that this type of racism, feeling superior over lower class people on the totem pole, is not serious racism, but that is just our mind playing tricks on us. We want to feel justified for our actions that are intolerable. For I know, and you know, no one is superior to other beings on this earth based on race, religious beliefs, or social classes. We were all made equal, by one God, who loves us all equally, just as we love our own children equally. We might all have a different name for our God, but in the end we are all equal.
Racism is rampant more than ever. Our electing President Obama is a step in the right direction, but reality is, it has probably incensed the white supremacy movement to a point that they might even be more intolerable than ever towards African Americans.
Racism is obviously not a new concept. It has been around forever. Nothing has changed, it has not gotten better, what has happened is African Americans, Jews, Hispanics, and other races that have been targeted have climbed the social ladder and in turn we have been tricked into believing we are less racist. That simply is not true.
Blacks are still targeted by cops, whites are still angry at blacks, blacks still don't trust white people completely, can you blame them, whites are still getting sick of what we call reverse racism, mexicans want a better life, and the government cannot control immigration, so people target mexicans, gangs based on race are still popping up all over, and finally, God forbid if you are a muslim boarding an airplane. Did you see the movie Rendition? It is not easy being Middle Eastern in America right now.
Please don't kid yourself that we are coming together as one and stop the fight against racism. Hate and intolerance of others will only stop with future generations. I believe whole heartedly that if you are racist by the time you are an adult, your belief system is imbedded so deep into your psyche that it is almost impossible to change. We have to start with the young and impressionable, just the same as the groups that recruit people into the KKK or any other organization that has hate written all over it do.
My proposal is to incorporate racism classes into our schools starting in Elementary School. Children need to realize what racism has done to our country and the entire world. If we just teach them about 9/11, but don't try to explain what real muslim people are like, that they love their God and their children just like their parents do, our children will create a hate and intolerance for middle easterners. They need to know Bin Laden was an extremist. They need to see the other side of the muslim religion.
They need to realize how African Americans feel. Our children need to realize the ramifications of racism, and they need to want to be the generation to really rid our country of intolerance and hate. Our children need to realize what social classes are. That every night we all go to bed and kiss our parents, say our prayers, and wake up the next morning to a new day and a new chance to live a great life that is promised to every one of us walking this earth. That means Johnny who is going to bed in the projects of Chicago in a one room apartment have the same rights as Johnny who is going to bed in one of the wealthiest communities in the suburbs in his bedroom that is as big as Johnny from the projects whole apartment.
Children need to be taught that we are all equal. They need to know that at no time are they better, stronger, smarter, or more priviledged than the next person. When we die, the only thing we take with us is all the lessons we learned. I want my children's lessons to be of tolerance, forgiveness, love, empathy, compassion, and a desire to have been good to the people all around them whether white, black, mexican, muslim, jewish or catholic. I hope you all do the same.

A happy childhood..hmmm

2009-02-03T13:53:00.000-08:00

I just read a quote from Agatha Christie, here is what it said. "One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood." If you have read any of my blogs you will know I had a mostly, tragic, and depressing childhood with bits of greatness in between all the volcanoes that were erupting around me. Think of it like being surrounded by hot lava constantly, and then all of a sudden you see some green grass, you make a break for it only to be scorched by the lava again that appeared out of no where. The volcano continually erupts and you think when does this end?
At this moment I will tell you in all honestly I don't know if I agree with her or not. I am sure as I am writing I will have some sort of epiphany. Let me start with a story. Most of my family members did not have happy childhoods. I do know of one friend that had a very happy childhood.
She was an only child, her parents showered her with love, she wanted for nothing, she got whatever she wanted, and all attention was on her. She had all the great celebratory parties for her 13th, her 16th, her 18th, and her 21st birthday. She had amazing graduation parties, and basically a really happy childhood that was stress free. I love her. But reality is this, she cannot cope in the real world.
At the age of twenty three she still has not graduated from any college or gotten her associates degree, she could not survive one real tragedy, she has never lived on her own, and every little thing, and I am talking little, turns into the biggest hurdle that she could not possibly jump over.
She has no survival skills what so ever, and worse yet she has no drive. I am sure, as with anything, there is exceptions to the rules. I know there are people out there that have great childhoods and turn into fabulous functioning adults.
I was not lucky in the area of happiness as a child. I hope you were. Here is what I think the luckiest thing is that can happen to you, it comes from within, inner peace. I also don't believe our childhoods were luck. I believe we were placed exactly where we were supposed to be.
I am leading into my question for you: do you have inner peace? Inner peace allows you to want to better yourself and the ones around you. Inner peace is a gift that God wants us all to have, but few have it. 90% of the time I have inner peace. When I feel peaceful inside I accomplish a lot. When I don't have inner peace that means I am usually worrying and my anxiety level is so high that I cannot sit down and concentrate for a second.
How do we get inner peace? I don't think it comes from a perfect childhood, I believe inner peace comes from knowing you are doing the best that you can possibly do, you treat yourself with respect, and others with respect. You shower the ones around you with love, you appreciate all you have been given, you don't wish for more than you have, yet you continue to work hard to get to where you want to be, you don't blame others for your mishaps and woes, you are not a victim, you are in control of your feelings and emotions, you realize this too shall pass when faced with adversity. Realize and remember, the bad times don't last forever, those bad times are only a stepping stones to get to the next place you need to be. Instead of being scared, be excited! Think about what great place you will be lead to next. Instead of being afraid of the unknown, be excited about it. Embrace the adventure of life. You can only do that if you have inner peace.
So here is a quote from Heather Catherine Hogan; "I think the luckiest thing that can happen to a person in life is finding their inner peace."

Airline Travel.....Yuck

2009-02-03T10:14:00.001-08:00

I used to love to get on an airplane. The excitement of my upcoming vacation always started with the airport and the plane ride. Well, not anymore. It is now more like, my headache starts the moment I head out the door to the airport, I take two advil, drink plenty of coffee, I need energy to get through all the hassles at the airport, and I tell my children, "now be patient. Mommy normally is calm, cool and collected, and takes the best out of every situation. But the airport is the one place that mommy has not been able to control her emotions and frustrations."
Before I go on, I must tell you I am not a business traveler, I am a pleasure traveler. I do not fly first class, or upgrade my seat ever. Maybe the rich and famous have a different perspective. Me, the low man on the totem pole traveler, economy class, feels as if I am a slave to the airlines and all their crap they throw at me the minute I walk through the airport door. I almost feel as if I have walked into a snowball fight, only I wasn't aware I was in a snow war as I am getting pinged with snowballs at my face the minute I enter the "TERMINAL!"
Let me start with my opinion of the worst airline and the best. United is by far the rudest, most unaccomodating, and least service friendly airline around. I bite my tongue so hard while dealing with anyone from this airline that I am surprised I even have a tongue left. I will get to them in a moment. By far the best airline, with amazing customer service, and friendly staff is Southwest. It just doesn't get any better than Southwest. They care about the little guy and it shows.
On my way back from my grandmother's funeral on Sunday I decided I was going to enter O'hare International Airport TERMINAL with a smile on my face and expecting the best. I was immediately approached by a very crabby woman whom I can only describe as Cinderalla's step-mother. I looked around to make sure I wasn't in Disneyland. Nope, sure enough it was just what I thought, another United employee in blue. I had to change my flight due to my grandmother's untimely death. I guess when you have to change a flight you are put on some sort of list that will not allow you to check in online. I explained nicely to this woman that I needed to talk to an AGENT. Why are they called agents? Anyway, she made me go into an entire explanation of why I could not check in online. So I gave her the whole story.
"Miss, yes, my grandmother was ninety five years old, She lived a wonderful life. Well she got sick, and the infection got in her blood, so she slowly died in a hospital bed for one week. I was already coming to Chicago for two book signings, and I was hoping she was going to hang on so I could say good-bye to her before she left this world. But she didn't hang on. So I didn't get to say good-bye to my grandmother who was like a mother to me. Instead I had to fly into Chicago two days earlier than I was expected so I could make her wake, and had to stay a day later for a family get together to remember my grandmother since she touched so many family members. And yes, ummm, it has already cost me $250 to change my plane ticket because I had to change it within seven days of depature, there is also a fee to even change to the ticket at anytime. I guess my $250 wasn't enough punishment, so they took away my ability to check in online, so now I needed to get to the TERMINAL even earlier than the hour and a half you want me here anyways, because I need to speak to an AGENT. So, did you need any more information or am I free to speak to the AGENT?"
Of course, the line behind me was huge and was rounding the corner in the TERMINAL. Finally, I was allowed to pass through to see the AGENT. I was hoping that my next AGENT would be kind, and just get me to my next pleasurable stop, SECURITY! Oh, but no, of course not. I had to give my speech again of why I was flying out a day later and came two days early. I tried to continue to say thank you so much for your help, it is so kind of you to help me (even though it is your job), and could you please get me a seat on your airplane since I was not assigned one because I am the low man on the totem pole, my grandmother's death pushed me down to the depths of the abyss in airline travel passengers.
After 22 minutes, I was assigned a seat. Then I was informed my bag weighed 53 pounds. The one bag I had cost me $15 to bring it on the plane anyways, and if I didn't remove three pounds it would cost me $125! Can you believe it? How do they get away with this? Here I am rummaging through my bag to remove three pounds. Here is what I removed: hairspray, a hair dryer, running shoes, and a curling iron. You will not believe this but I was still a half a pound over the limit. I pulled out my book, Can There Be More?, I gave it to the AGENT. This is what I said, "I want you to read my book. I want you to really read my book, and I want you to enjoy your job, your life, and realize how many people a day you come into contact with and the ability you have to either make those people that you encounter have a great day or you have the control and the power to send them off on their way angry, sad, and with their head down. You might not think you can make a difference being an AGENT, maybe you are even jealous, of all these people traveling on vacation, but sir, I am not on vacation, I just buried my grandmother whom I loved dearly, and am sad. Now, your rudeness made me sadder. Maybe, had you just been nice you could have brought a smile to my face, and that would have felt good for me, and even better for you."
I believe with my whole heart that people in service industries don't realize how they affect someone's day. I love making people smile and bettering their day. It is absurd to me that anyone could treat a total stranger with disregard, no respect, and like a piece of gum on the bottom of their shoe. If you are that miserable get a new job! I am serious.
Finally, I was off and on my way to security. My $25 bottle of hairspray was confiscated, it was an aerosol spray. I said take it, fine. My curling iron, running shoes, and blow dryer made it through. After I put my boots back on, my belt, my watch, my necklace, I told the security man to give the hair spray to his girlfriend, she will love it.
I was on my way to my gate. I bought some magazines, a book, and waited to board. I was in seating 2. I handed the woman my boarding pass, she didn't say a word to me. After she handed it back to me I said, "thank you so much for your help and I hope you have a nice day." She smiled! She said, "why, thank you!" You would have thought I told her she just won the lotto. What the heck?
I boarded the plane. The flight attendants didn't smile, but I smiled back. I landed in San Francisco and told Mark "we are stopping and having a margarita." I did have one, I came home and relived the experience in my thoughts once again.
People truly don't realize what their attitudes can do to others. They don't realize how every person has a duty in life to be kind and treat others with respect. I teach my children this, and I have learned that kindness is truly the greatest gift you can give another. Take the time and be kind to someone today, you never know how badly they need your kind word or smile.
Take Care!
Heather

What I love is........

2009-01-31T05:52:00.000-08:00

What I love is, LIFE! Life is everchanging, everlasting, always a surprise, and it can be whatever you want it to be. The question is: are you strong enough and do you have enough drive to succeed in what you love, perservere over your adversity, and seize all your moments to create a joy filled utopia while walking this planet?
I know the answer to that question for all of you. It is a definite, for sure, YES! We all have it in us to get on that train, think of the Coor's light fun lovin' train from the from the commercials during sport's broadcasts, that will drop each one of us at our destination of choice and where we need to be at each moment of our life. It is nobody's elses fault but your own, if you get on the wrong train and end up at a stop that is not where you want to be.
The one and only thing that can stop you from loving life and creating beautiful memories is you! No one else. We are all victims at some point in our life. The ones that perservere take the word "victim" out of their thoughts and language. The ones who do not seize their mistakes, and the wrong doings that were done to them by others, pity themselves, and call themselves victims. Victims become paralyzed, and the only party they show up for in life is a pity party. I have been to that party, and I am here to tell you, that party is no fun. It is filled with anger, resentment, and revenge. There is no champagne over flowing, it is more like a fountain of blood, and that would be the blood of the ones that created all the poor victims in the room.
Guess what? I was a victim. I was a victim when my mother died when I was three, I was a victim when my father would be drunk and say the most horrible and untrue things to me from the age of seven all the way to the age of 35 (I am now 39), I was a victim when he would physically attack me after verbally attacking me. I was a victim time and time again my whole life. I played the role of victim better than most, and ended up penniless, depressed, angry, resentful, mean, and confrontational. The only people that didn't get my victim attitude was my children.
At the age of thirty five I decided my victimhood was getting me nowhere. One day, I literally stopped being a victim. Since that day, I have seized every moment and created great day's that I will always remember for the rest of my life. Every day is a great day. I can say that with 100% conviction. I wake up every day and thank God for the day ahead me. What I am really thankful for is a new chance to make the second part of my life mean something, count, and help others to not be a victim,and instead become an example to others around me.
Come on guys, of course I still have adversity, but I welcome the challenge with a smile on my face, and know deep in my heart this too I shall overcome. The last four years have been the best four years of my thirty nine years on this planet. I have learned so many lessons in life, all great ones. I would not change one second of my life, for I love where it got me. No path is perfect, no one is perfect, and if you expect perfection, you will always be disappointed. If you do the best you can do, you will be content. Don't do less than your best, you know what your best is, and enjoy the rest.

Heather Hogan
Can There Be More? www.amazon.com

Fad Diets and Fitness

2009-01-30T14:24:00.000-08:00

I am not a dietician, I am not a personal trainer, and I am not an expert in weight loss. What I am is a common sense gal who knows the formula for losing weight. It is quite easy, and I am going to let you in on the big secret at the end of this blog, after I go through what not to do to lose weight.
While sitting on the airplane two days ago I was reading one of the magazines with the skinny 90210 girls all over the pages claiming they eat a lot of food, and they are not anorexic. I really don't care if they have an eating disorder or not. Although, I do find it pathetic that women in this country starve themselves to be a certain size in order to keep their job. What I did find disturbing was the "cleanse" diet that all the stars commented on that they have tried. Thank God, a few of them admitted that they couldn't stay on the diet because they were weak, exhausted, light headed and had headaches. One very intelligent star did say you are starving, you are tired, but the results are worth it a smaller dress size. That is gross and reckless.
Do not do anything that is going to cause you to feel lightheaded, nauseous and send you running to bed with exhaustion. It is plain stupid, and the weight will come back ten fold the minute you return to normal human being eating habits and get off the diet for the kooky and in my opinion, attention seeking individuals.
Do not decide you must exercise three hours a day, eat 13 wheat things, and a grapefruit. This doesn't work either. Nor does eating only protein, or only carbs, or only a certain combination of food after 7 pm. Sure, you will see results in the beginning, but eventually, you have to return to normal eating and eventually your body will stabolize itself once again, your metabolism will be slower, and you will gain the weight back,and possibly an extra pound or two.
I have been the same size my whole life except during pregnancy and the first year of college. I don't have a miracle plan, if I did you would know me for sure, for you would have purchased my product. What I do know is weight loss is simple.
The first step is move your body. I don't care if it is walking, roller blading, running, swimming, kick boxing, or jumping on a trampoline. You need to move, plain and simple. The key is doing an exercise you like. I hate treadmills or any cardio machine at a gym. I run outside with my dogs four times a week. Yes, you need to move at least four times a week. Three is ok, but four is so much better for you and weight loss. There has to be one activity that you like, find it and do it. After you get used to your routine, try and incorporate weights into your schedule. More on that later. Let's just start out with moving for now!
Secondly, you have to eat. Starving yourself won't work. This is easy, at every meal incorporate some protein, carbs and fat. That's it. Eat a normal size portion. Use your fist to guage how big your piece of meat should be and your carbs. Fat should come in the form of an avocado, some peanut butter and not whip cream.
Know your serving sizes. I can tell you that three oreos equals 160 calories and 7 grams of fat. I can tell you this because I have to have a small dessert after every meal. It might be an oreo after every meal, which equals the 160 calories or it might be a popsicle or a half a cup of ice-cream. Losing weight is not rocket scientist stuff, this is something we all know but very few of us want to do. Why do we not want to do it? It is like everything else in life these days, we want the easy way out. We want a magic pill. We want someone else to do it for us.
Stop complaining about your weight and do what is necessary to change it, eat less and move your body. There are no short cuts. I have five kids, two dogs, three cats, and a very busy life. But I move my body and watch my intake every single day. If I can you can.

Be Grateful For What You Have

2009-01-30T05:32:00.000-08:00

I flew into Chicago O'hare International Airport yesterday for my grandmother's funeral. I was feeling sad, depressed, and basically sorry for myself. I had lost more than a grandmother, I had essentially lost a replacement mother. Gram moved in with us January 1, 1973, the day after my mother was killed in a car accident.
Even though I had a right to be sad, I still hate when I pity myself. It is ok to reminisce, but no need to think woe is me.
I walked out to the taxi area and hailed a cab to take my to my sister's house. The driver seemed so nice, so I decided, to concentrate on someone else other than myself for a moment. I asked him how his day was. I think I must have a face that says "tell me anything you need to tell me, I will listen, and suggest a solution."
He proceeded to tell me how traffic at the airport is down so much that he is only making about three round trips a day to the airport. He used to do ten to twelve. People are not going out much and in turn he is not needed as much, which, equals less money. He has to work seven days a week from 5 am until 5 pm to try and support his family. He has a four year old son and an eight year old daughter. His wife went to work and they brought his mother out from Bulgaria six months ago to help with the kids and pay the bills. His mother's visa is up, she wants to go back, they have no one to help with the kids, they need the $1000 a month that she gives them to help with the bills, and finally, he told me he gets up at four am every morning to get to work. He is behind on his mortgage, and is sure they will foreclose on him.
I told him to explain to his mother how much her son and grandchildren needed her right now. Family is everything, and she will help. I told him if she came to help in the first place, she will stay to help until she is no longer needed. I told him he needs to work on getting her visa extended. He said he was. The saddest thing he told me was if he can't get her visa extended or she won't stay, him and his wife have to send their children to Bulgaria to live with family. They can't afford a roof over their head. He said it just keeps getting worse. The conversation went on. I tried to tell him to be positive, to take one day at a time, and to do everything in his power to keep his family together. I told him you can only do your best, no more, do not do less than your best and you will have no guilt and eventually it will fall into place.
We arrived at my sister's house. My fair was $17.60. I had $31.00 in my pocket, I gave it to him, I gave him a hug, and told him I will pray for him, and I will remember him.
I walked into my sister's gigantic, 6200 sq foot custom home, put my bag down, looked around, and thougt, "how dare you Heather feel sorry for yourself for one second!" No, I don't live like my sister, my sister has worked hard for all she has, but I don't have near the worries that this man has. I don't have to contemplate sending my children to another country because I can't take care of them. I believe the worst part for this man and woman is they have no control over the economy, they can't work any harder than they are, and they have no other skills than the menial jobs they are working.
It snapped me out of my woe is me attitude and threw me into an attitude of gratitude. I arrived at my grandmother's wake, walked in, and saw my beautiful grandmother resting in peace in her casket, probably watching from above with her ten siblings, my mother, and my grandfather, smiling down on me. At that moment I was thankful I had my grandmother for ninety five years and that she wasn't here worrying about the economy, and if she would be living on the streets. For most of my grandmother's life, she was that poor.
Please, be grateful for what you have. I am so grateful, but at the same time, sad for all the people in our country right now that are losing their homes, safety and security. It will change, in the meantime, if someone needs food, give them some food, if they need your smile, give them a smile, or a hug, or your ear to listen to them. We are here to help one another.

Heather Hogan
Can There Be More? www.amazon.com

Lessons I have Learned From Michael Jordan

2009-01-29T05:45:00.000-08:00

Michael Jordan, in my eyes, is the best athlete to walk the planet. There are a few reasons why I believe, actually, why I say this with 100% conviction. I have taken some of his lessons that I have learned from watching him on the basketball court and I inserted them in my daily life.
Lesson one: we are only as good as the people around us. Michael Jordan's supporting cast was mediocre at best when they all started playing. You had Scottie Pippen, Bill Cartwright, BJ Armstrong, Horace Grant, Steve Kerr and Tony Kukoc as the supporting cast. None of these players were super stars, but that didn't matter to Michael. Michael had a true love for the game of basketball, a competitive spirit, and a desire to be the best player he could be. He respected his teammates, treated them with respect, and utilized them to his advantage as well as the team's advantage. They stepped up their game for one reason, Michael. They respected him and wanted to play hard for him. He brought out the best in his fellow teammates and together they went on to win six NBA championships.
I, myself, have learned that bringing out the best in the people around me, makes my life easier and happier. I work as a team with Mark, we have to, we have five kids, two dogs, and three cats. I work together with my friends to help others, and my sister to help with our family and children. I find when I pump my teammates up our relationships are much more rewarding and fulfilling. For if I chastised them, what would I get in return? I genuinely love my mates, they love me, and we are all at the top of our game in life.
Michael Jordan didn't take short cuts. He worked hard everyday for all he got. He was cut from his high school basketball team, but still perservered. Michael Jordan is proof that hard work, a good attitude, and willingness to sacrifice for your goal will get you to the winning side.
I, myself, work hard everyday at my writing, my children, and my relationships. I take nothing for granted, and I know that if I am diligent enough in my work, and believe in myself all my goals and dreams will come to fruition. Hard work is necessary for you to really enjoy the rewards that you will receive for your efforts.
Michael Jordan knew when to use the ego and when to put the ego away. This is a hard lesson to learn. Michael could have taken over every basketball game with his talents and expertise. But he didn't. He knew that if his ego got in the way it could ruin his team, for a team run by one man's ego is not a team, it is an entity all it's own. You cannot win championship's as a one man show. He knew when to let his ego and talents take over. That would be at the end of the fourth quarter with 23 seconds left and the game is tied. It is the Chicago Bull's ball. Scottie would inbound the ball to Michael, Michael would bring the ball down, dribble around for 20 seconds, shoot a fade away jump shot, and swish, Bull's win, Bull's win!
I know when my ego needs to get involved, and that is very little. The ego can be a dangerous beast living within us. If your ego takes over, you can plan on a life filled with misery, and you won't even know it until it is too late, because your ego won't allow you to see reality for what it is. Remember, you are not better than anyone, you don't deserve more than the next person, and we are all human beings created by God. I remind myself of that everyday.
The final lesson that I have learned from Michael Jordan is to smile. Michael's smile would light up an entire basketball court. Even if he was in Boston at the Garden, or in LA at the Staples Center, his smile was bright. Smile, it will brighten your day and the one's around you. Life is good!

Sense of Hearing...

2009-01-27T19:00:00.000-08:00

While standing on the beach and surveying my surroundings I realize there are hundreds of people around me laughing and frolicking in the water and sand. A moment ago I was just standing there listening to the surf pound against the sand. I was in awe of the thunderous sound the water could make while it folded inside out and arrived at it's destination, the shore. My son snapped me out of my trance, he screamed, "mommy, I need a towel. My eyes are burning." Cade was running out of the water holding his eyes. Obviously, the salt water didn't feel good on his little corneas. But I am not sure how much pushing his eyes balls into the back of his head was helping.
When he distracted me from my moment of exhilaration and my realization of how powerful a wave is, I smiled from ear to ear, scooped him up, dried his eyes, put him on my lap, and together we sat on my beach chair and listened together to the sound of the surf. After I told him what I was listening to, and told him how incredible the sound we were listening to he was also in awe. He is seven.
What is really incredible to me is that Cade and I were able to block out all the other sounds on the beach; all the people laughing, and having an incredible time with their families and friends. The sound of the wave crashing brought Cade and I even closer on the beach that day. It was as if we shared a secret that hundreds of other people didn't know.
Cade looked into my eyes and said, "you're the best mommy!" I said, "I love you honey!" A sound brought us together for a special moment. After the moment was over, I built sandcastles with my son and rejoiced in all the laughter, and banter I was hearing.
I love hearing my children tell me how much they love me. And I love to see the look on my children's face when they hear the words, "Mommy loves you more than anything in the entire world." I love it when I give praise to someone and they light up like a Christmas tree. There is nothing better than interacting with someone that is obviously having bad day, and then telling them a truthful statement about them. Maybe it is a thank you so much for your kindness, or you are wearing a lovely scarf, or your children are so well behaved, or maybe it is, you have a beautiful smile, or your perfume is lovely, or your dog is so cute, it could be your hair looks fabulous today, whatever positive message you send to a person, the moment that person hears your words a smile appears on their face.
I have a rule; I must say something positive and complimentary to three people daily. I want to make someone's day even better, or maybe they were having a horrible day, and when they heard my words it brought some warmth to their heart. The only rule to my rule is, I have to mean whatever I am saying!
Think about how your words can sting someone also. I have lost my temper with my children and others, many times. The minute I say something that slips out of my mouth as fast as if I have just run full speed at slippy slide and dove hands first, the words are out of my mouth and I want to take them back. The problem with words is, you can't take them back once they are heard. You can apologize, but the words are already churning in a person's brain, like butter churning.
I am hear to tell you, choose your words wisely, because the recipient of your words, will take them to heart. Yes, I heard so many negative words, phrases, and attacks on my character from the one I looked up to most that it took me thirty five years to stop believing all the incredibly horrible, hurtful, and venomous phrases that were cast at me during my early years, adolescent years, and young adult years. Any good words that I heard were immediately, put into my spam file, only to be retrieved years later. Part of my ability to click on the spam button and retrieve all the good things I heard about me, came from all the other beautiful sounds I was hearing, seeing, and smelling. Are you getting the picture about senses and what life is about?
I now hear compliments and adorations from my children daily. It is a good feeling! Every day I wake up I Iisten to the birds sing, the calmness of the morning air, my coffee brewing, the sound the water makes while brushing my teeth, I listen to my children's voices, to music! Ahhh, music. How great is music! Music brings me to old places, recent places, and creates new memories. I love listening to music. What do you hear? Are you stopping to hear the incredible sounds around you? To smell the roses? And to see beauty around you? These three senses make my life so incredible, and makes me realize what life is about!
Finally, I this is what I tell my children. "The sting of a bee lasts a moment or two, but the sting of a word lasts a lifetime."

Part two of sight.....

2009-01-27T16:32:00.001-08:00

Let's talk about part two of the sense of sight. How do we see ourselves in our own mind? Do we see who we really are clearly? Do we respond to certain situations in a manner that is not appropriate because we are not seeing the clear picture due to our own lack of self esteem, lack of self respect, and in turn we are unable to love ourselves.
I can tell you that seven years ago, I was always right, I judged every situation wrong, I blamed everyone else around me for my woes, my mistakes, and my just plain depressing existence. On the outside I looked and acted as if I had high self esteem and self respect. I acted as if I loved who I was, and in actuality I hated myself, my life, and it clouded my ability to see people and situations for what they really were.
Interestingly enough, I could see nature and all the beauty around me for what it was and what it did for my spirit; which was lifted it momentarily. Those moments when I saw nature clearly, and it brought me peace, where enough to keep me going and start to internally change who I was and the way I looked at everyone around me.
What people need to realize is people are not out to get them or make their life miserable. We are all existing in our own world's. The problem is our egos. We really think we are the center of every conversation, discussion, and gossip session. When reality is, we are nothing, we don't consume other peoples thoughts and conversations.
Yep, the teller at the bank might be rude to you, but maybe she just got a call that her daughter is sick at school, and she can't leave her station to pick up her child. Or maybe when you walked up to a group of people at the gym all of a sudden they concluded the conversation and moved on. Most likely, they weren't talking about you. Maybe they had been standing there for ten minutes already, and needed to get going. If your husband is short with you for a week, rolls over in bed, and gets up early the next morning for work don't assume he is having an affair. Don't start the accusations. Maybe the company is downsizing, and he doesn't know how to tell you.
See the situations for what they are; you don't know what they are because you don't read minds. We need to start returning rudeness with kindness, insecurity with security, caring more about what others think about you to loving yourself more than ever having the need to contemplate what people are thinking about you! Put your rosy glasses on and see situations with your eyes wide open, and realize the only person you can control is yourself! Let go of the need to please, to bend over and be walked on, and adopt the attitude of gratitude.
Be grateful for everything you have, everyone you love, including yourself, and everyone that loves you! Now next time, you start to see a situation in a light that makes you start to sweat, your blood boil, your head spin, stop yourself and see the situation for what it is; none of your business, and if it is your business have enough self confidence and love yourself enough not to get defensive, but face the situation with love and kindness.

Sight...A very important sense

2009-01-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

Sight....how do you see things, events, happenings, and people? I believe the way you answer the question will tell you a lot about yourself, your outlook on life, and the way others perceive you! There are two elements to the sense of sight. The first being seeing something like a sunset, you are watching nature at it's best. Second being how you see certain situations. Do you see the bad in every situation or do you see the good? Are you able to see clearly what is going on in your life? Basically, are you wearing rose colored glasses or do your glasses have a few cracks in them or are your glasses completely shattered.
My glasses were shattered for a long time. Slowly, I changed to the glasses that had a few cracks, and finally I am wearing glasses that are so rosy everything looks red. That is ok, my favorite color is red!
I am going to talk about the what we see in nature first, and why we should stop and look around. If I have time I will continue on to part two. If not now later.
I love trees! I love staring at trees. Trees make me calm. It is amazing to me that trees go through so many cycles in a year, tragic ones at that. A tree is beautiful and filled with lots of leaves all shaped in different patterns in the summer. Then in the fall those leaves change to most beautiful and vibrant colors. We all want to take trips back east to see the trees in the fall. I can't get back east. I appreciate the trees right where I live. Then the tree dies and becomes barren in the winter. And then out of nowhere the tree comes back to life in spring. Wow! That is something to be in awe of. Maybe I am fascinated by trees because my life has been a lot like a tree. Many times, I am bright, brilliant and full of life, and then I am dead inside thinking I will never be full of life again, and then out of nowhere I am alive and full of life again! Take the time and look at how beautiful a tree is.
I don't care where you live. You can enjoy a sunset and sunrise. My favorite place to do this is Maui. There is nothing better to me than watching the sun rise over the West Maui Mountains while sipping my chocolate macadamia nut coffee with three splendas and plenty of cream! After watching the sunrise, we head to the beach. There I watch the humpback whale breach with its calf. What a sight, to see a creature that humongous barreling out of the water with its baby simultaneously can only be considered a miracle. After seeing that with my eyes I think nothing can be more beautiful. Oh, I am wrong. Around 6:15 that evening while walking down Front Street, near Cheeseburger In Paradise the sun starts to set behind the Lanai. The sky is bright with so many vivacious colors you need to wear your sunglasses. As the sun starts to disappear behind Lanai you stand there being thankful for the sight you just witnessed!
Does it get any better than watching snow fall outside your window while your children are playing and a fire is burning? That brings nothing but warmth to your heart. You might think it is the hot chocolate that is bringing the warmth, but it isn't, it was what you are seeing that is giving you a feeling of contenment.
What about the geese that are flying over your head in a perfectly formed vee, that is crazy. They are fluid and graceful birds! Then you hear a honk and you wonder "how did they form that vee?"
I love catching mothers staring into their baby's eyes with huge smiles on their faces! It brings a smile to my face. Or watching the toddler that has just learned to walk. You can see the elation in their face. They are free to run away from their mother!
I love when light catches an indoor plant at a certain angle. Or watching a crab bury itself in the sand. I can go on forever, and I think you get what I am talking about. You need to know, me, a person that was not always happy or fulfilled, saw these things in the ways I described at my lowest points. I believe seeing the wonder of nature and the gifts God gave us kept me going on my journey!
Ok, gotta go. I will get to part two later!

The five sensess...start with smell

2009-01-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered what life is really about? I do! For me, I think I have figured it out. My life was tragic; my mother died when I was three, my father is an alcoholic father,I suffered years of abuse,I have lived through tragedies that are unbelievable to most, my best friend died at eighteen,went from rags to riches twice, divorced twice, and I have never felt safe one day in my whole entire life. I still cry at commercials, I used contemplate death, I no longer mourn for a loss of a childhood but it used to consume me, I wonder what it is like to feel normal. What is it like to be a soccer mom anyway? I used to not be able to control my anger. Just ask the man in parking lot at Safeway. My anxiety attacks used to knock me to the ground. I used to wonder if an 8.0 earthquake had just struck, but I knew it hadn't, I was living in Santa Fe, NM. I used to sweat so much when flying that a woman once asked me if there were showers on board. "No, sorry miss, I am just convinced the flight is for sure going down because I am on it. I am actually just sweating because my anxiety is getting the best of me once again."
BUT, what is so unbelievable is I lived through all of that and have come out appreciating every single moment more than most! I have come so far that I cannot imagine not being different than most. I cannot even imagine living a normal soccer mom's life. I am not knocking that life, I am sure if I grew up normal and not afraid of what was going to hit me next, I would be happy for my normal existence. But I didn't, and I appreciate who I am and what it took to get me here.
To me, a girl that used to be sad , lonely, scared, insecure, and downright resentful, life is about the five senses. Let's start with our sense of smell. Do you know how happy you could be if you just focused on the wonderful smells around you for a day, and thought about all the things that you smell that bring you back in time? I love the smell of spring and fall! When I smell leaves burning or smoke coming out of a chimney I remember the good times with my father. I remember him helping us roast marshmallows, not choking our step mother. When I smell spring arriving I remember opening my second story window after a long winter and smelling the fresh smell of air. I remember my father in the early days of spring helping us pack to go down to Florida for spring break. I don't think about the drunken rages he would get into when we arrived at our destination! I love smelling clothes drying with a downy scented dryer sheet. It reminds me of going to my grandmother's house, the one peaceful place I knew, and running through her front door to her open arms. When I arrived in her arms and buried myself in her bosom I will never forget the smell of her perfume. It was musty and sweet at the same time. All I knew is when I smelled her I was at home and I was safe!
Pumpkin pies cooking brings me back to my aunt's house. The smell of the turkey roasting made my mouth water for the dark meat. I was never a white meat eater. I also always had to mix my mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn, and turkey together. Not my brother, he ate each item on his plate one at a time, and God forbid they touched each other. I am sure there are others like that. I love the smell of my seven year old's blanky. I constantly grab that blanky and bury my face in it. I try not to think about all the nose picking that has been going on while he is holding that blanky and watching tv. The good news is, I don't care, I love the smell of my children.
That brings us to baby's breath. Ahhh, I used to pull their binky's from their mouth and smell their breath. I was brought to heaven every time! I do love scented candles, pumpkin spice, fresh linen, and apple are my favorites. That smell represents the first time I actually had an extra five dollars to buy a candle. I burned that candle and stared into the flame, while sniffing the air with so much might I almost passed out from candle inhalation! I am not sure why I was sniffing so hard. It wasn't like I was some sort of dog sniffing out the candle robber trying to remember his scent. No, I was just a twenty year old girl that owned a candle.
One of my favorite smell's in the whole world is the smell of the ocean. I will go back to the ocean for every sense I talk about. Oh, the ocean, what a love affair I have with it. I love to look it and smell the ocean air. While standing on the beach I just imagine jumping into the crashing wave, and becoming one with the salt water while letting my body go limp and letting the wave gently set me on the sandy beach. But then I remember my contacts! I cannot open my eyes in the water, if I do I won't be able to see when I get out. I am a -2.75. That is the number that the nice lady at Sears uses to fill my prescription for contacts. My glasses prescription for some reason is only -2.50. Not sure why, and for some reason I don't care enough to ask why. Back to the ocean. If I don't lose my contacts in the water, I know that when I exit the surf I will run to the closest towel with my eyes closed. Usually on the way to my towel I trip over one or two sun worshipers and apologize to them profusely. When they get crabby with me for accidentally kicking piles of sand on them while I trip over their bum I want to say, "hey they skin cancer isn't as bad as some other cancers." But I don't, because truthfully, when I am not sniffing the sea air and running around blindly looking for a towel I am slathering Hawaiin Tropic 4 all over.
Yes, I am a dumb one fooled into buying the number 4, at least I am not using 2. When I am feeling like I need to be sun responsible I reach for number 8. I should feel bad about this, but I don't. There are two reasons why; my family has amazing genes, we don't wrinkle, and for me to not obsess over dying from skin cancer means I have healed a bit in some ways. Sick, I know!

Continuation of hate......

2009-01-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wrote about the hate being spread through internet by our youth who are one day supposed to inherit our earth and help get rid of terrorism, save the environment, keep pushing forward with technology, and to put it simply, make the earth a safe and peaceful planet. There are plenty of great and brilliant young minds out there, but the amount of bitterness, and angry minds out there is alarming, something needs to be done!
Why do children turn into angry adults? The bottom line is somewhere along the way they were failed, miserably, by an adult, possibly by more than one adult. This is a quote from my book, Can There Be More?, I feel strongly about the opinion that I expressed in my book. "When children feel loved, they feel safe, and safety leads to security. Safety and security are very important in a child's development. They feel they can trust their parents, or parent, and their life, which, in turn, gives them the self-confidence to fly. My daughter has self-confidence and great self-esteem. Those two qualities for a girl or woman to have are two tools that a female needs to dominate her game of life in a man's world." The same goes for boys. I happened to be talking about my daughter in that part of the book.
If a child is abused or neglected their self-confidence and self-esteem are non existent, there self-worth is in the gutter, and they feel very vulnerable. This leads to them believing they are a victim, when the poor me and I will show you attitude surfaces, you then have children that turn to manipulation, hate, bullying, and using fear tactics to get there way. If they are not stopped by the time they are young adults, they will turn to crime. The only way they feel they have any control, or anyone will listen to them is by using force, and their words against others. Everyone needs to feel in control of their life, or else you feel like you are spinning in orbit, you have no direction, no where to plant your feet, and no way to ground yourself. That is a horrible feeling, might as well bring others down with you!
So what do we do? Do we all just hope for the best and leave these people feeling lost and in turn they take it out on society, us? When they become adults they even go further; a lot of them prey on children. This really gives them power and makes them feel in control. I was sickened by a story here in Northern California. Three adults held a fifteen year old boy captive for a year. He was chained to a fire place, sexually abused, physically abused, and starved. When he escaped he was covered in his own feces and urine. How do we ignore this? It goes on all over the world. You know all the stories.
I don't have all the answers. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. In the mean time I will look up mentoring programs, and recruit my own children to help, and I will keep typing to those on the internet that are calling out for help, someone to care about them, and show them they matter to one person. Maybe you all could the same.
I leave for my grandmother's funeral in Chicago tomorrow. When I get home, I have a new mission. Hug your kids today, tell them they are loved, and have a fabulous day!

Heather Hogan, Can There Be More?

Hate is all around us....

2009-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

Hate is so many places, and the internet has become a great place to spread the hate to others. In my youth, a time when I was extremely angry and resentful at life, I never spread the words of hate to others. My father did receive most of my anger, and at times, in the high of my immaturity other innocent children my age felt my wrath, through name calling but never did I hate so much to spread evil around the innocence of others.
My friend told me to look at this blog site so maybe I could spread messages of happiness, hope, and faith. To say that I am disgusted is an under statement. There are people out there touching the world with their words of hate, suicide, depression, the practice of cutting themselves, and inserting terror into peoples' days and lives. I am sad beyond words. For once I am at a loss to describe my utter devastation at what is happening to a whole genaration of the youth that is supposed to one day lead us into environmental conservation and peace.
Of course there are great kids out there, but the amount of illness and parasites that are spreading the word of the devil on the internet right now is unbearable, and needs to stop. I don't know how to stop it, but I will find a way to help one person at a time, and change this poisoning of other's minds.
I read a blog from a mother of three and broke into tears sitting at my computer. She talked about every one she hates, which basically included the world. She went on to say she hates us for reading her and didn't want to hear our responses. She was raped, she was lost and she was sad. I felt she was misrepresenting herself in her confusion.
I responded and this is what I said. "I do not believe you hate all of these people. I do not believe your heart is full of hate. I do not believe this is the person you are on the inside. I do not believe you want to hate. I do believe you hate yourself because others hurt you and you feel like you deserve nothing in life. I feel you don't want to hate the ones that hurt you, you want to forgive, but you don't know how. The good news is, it doesn't matter what I believe, it only matters what you believe. I am here to tell you, you will find your angel in this evil. You love your kids, you love your husband,you just don't love yourself. You should love yourself. I hope you find many gifts in life to love and not hate. I am sorry for your pain."
I went back on the blog spot three hours later. There was a note from this girl. It was titled what I love. Who knows if I had any influence. But, I will continue to try and help these people. Yesterday, after my grandmother died, I really realized why I didn't end up like these people. It was because my grandmother loved me, and never gave up on me. No one else loved me, but she did. I perservered. I decided I will blog my words daily to five people and show them that someone cares. If I can help one of these lost persons I will be fulfilled.
Yesterday, I blogged my words to a girl that has been up for forty eight hours, and cannot rest her mind. I tried to rest her mind for her. She thanked me. Then I blogged a girl that feels like she has no friends, she had a boyfriend that abused her, and told her she deserved it. While she was blogging she said she was cutting herself. I was in a panic.
I wrote her. I told her, people care, there is always someone to help, and I told her I care. Then I told her,she didn't deserve to be abused, no one deserves that, especially not her. I asked her to please stop cutting herself, that she does not need to turn herself into an ugly person that no one will want, she is making herself ugly with one cut at a time.I told her I know you want to make yourself so ugly that no one will look at you. She wrote me back, and thanked me for caring. She said she was calling her mom,going to take her meds, and try to sleep.
I am heart broken. Life is so good and these young adults,and some even older, are rotting away while typing their pitiful and depressing thoughts. What can we do? For now, I will just get on and keep typing my thoughts for happiness and peace to them. I will befriend a thousand lost children if I need to. Please if you know people like this, take the time out of your day, and give guidance to those that need it.
I am off to try and comfort someone, and then pick up my kids from school. When I see my kids, I will hug them, and tell them they are loved. My next blog will be, "How did this happen?!"

My Grandmother Died Today

2009-01-25T07:19:00.000-08:00

My grandmother died today, Sunday January, 25, 2009 in Chicago, Illinois. My grandmother was a saint in my eyes, my sibling's eyes too. She was ninety five.
Irene Hogan was one of eleven. She was Polish, her parents were immigrants. My grandmother taught me one phrase in Polish, I love you. I could not possibly write it out for you, I would be doing the Polish language in an injustice, but what it is, is a peek into what my grandmother was all about; love of her family!
Grammy was a factory worker, who loved and cherished her husband. They had three kids, one of which was my father. In 1969, my Uncle Bill passed away. Uncle Bill was my Aunt Pat's husband. Pat was my grandmother's daughter. My grandmother immediately moved in to my aunt's house to help take care of my three cousins.
My grandmother consoled her daughter, while caring for her grandchildren. She would go home on the weekends to see my grandfather, and cook meals for him for the week, and then return to my aunt's house on Sunday evenings.
She did this routine for two solid years. My cousins needed her and so did my aunt. Finally, my grammy was able to move back with her beloved George full time.
She would have never known that she would be moving out again soon. New Year's Eve 1972, my mother died in a tragic car accident. My father was my grandmother's son. My grandmother moved in with us, now to help take care of her son's three children!
It was the same fate for her son as her daughter. Since the routine had already been tested and proven, gram lived with us during the week, and went home to my grandpa on the weekends. She might have been able to patent how to take care of your child's children after the death of their spouse.
The only element that changed between my cousin's house, and ours was, my brother was only eight months old when my mother died. He was a baby. The family felt it was very important to keep one constant in Georgie's life. Gram returned to her husband on the weekends, with her baby grandson. Grandma did this routine for three years.
I will never forget the day my father told us my grandmother was no longer going to live with us because he was getting remarried. We felt as if our mother was leaving us again. The first one died, and the second one was moving out. The devastation we felt was unbearable. I felt like a building had just collapsed on top of me during a tornado, and I was supposed to now dig myself out of the rubble again. This time, the dust never settled. I missed her until I left my house at the age of nineteen.
I can tell you what my grandmother taught me. Family is everything. Loyalty is a gift. Very few people can give their gift of loyalty. For you to be able to give the gift of loyalty to another you must possess the following attributes: compassion, empathy, gratitude, love in your heart, tenacity in your mind, and unconditional support. My grandmother gave her gift of loyalty over and over again in her life. She never wavered on that. She didn't lie, she kept her word, and her hugs kept me going for weeks at a time.
The final gift she gave me and my siblings was her love. She told us how much she loved her little stinkies, us, daily. She knew our father was not capable of giving us his love at this time, and the only other person that could have shown us love was dead, that left her, and she is the only reason, my siblings and I became great athletes, and perservered over our adversity.
Her love taught me how to love my children, and eventually life. I will miss you gram until I see you in heaven, I will love you for eternity, and I thank you from the depths of my soul for being there for three kids that were lost, sad, broken, and needed someone to love them! You are my hero!

The Blue Bird

2009-01-24T18:27:00.000-08:00

On December 28, 2008 I wrote a blog about the Chicago Bears losing to the Minnesota Vikings. Before the loss happened, I had mentioned that I had seen a red bird when I opened my front door in the previous blog. I have never seen a red bird, except in a book, and I was very excited. I said that maybe that meant the Bears would win or I would simply have a marvelous day.
The Bears lost, but my day was fantastic. At the end of my blog about the Bears losing I mentioned that maybe I will see a blue bird tomorrow. I have only seen a blue bird one other time, in Chicago, 25 years ago, and I really wanted to see one again. I was anticipating that I would see the blue bird when I opened my front door that next morning. The blue bird wasn't there. I thought to myself, "Heather, today is not the day that God is going to let you see the blue bird. It will happen another day."
You must know that I relfect on life a lot. I do not believe anything is a coincidence and I always take the good out of the bad. I stop and see the signs all around me that God is putting in my path. We all get those signs, some of us are just too busy to look for them, and some are still too jaded to recognize them. I was jaded for a long time, and never saw the signs that God gave me to tell me I was on the right path or the wrong path or to let me know every thing would be ok.
As you know, I am no longer too busy, or jaded anymore to not recognize the wonderful little gifts God gives me now and then. I should start sharing all my little gifts I receive to help people realize they are not alone and are being guided with divine intervention, but you all might think I am crazy. So, I am going to share this one, about the blue bird that I wanted to see and hadn't yet.
Remember, I wrote about the blue bird on December 28, 2008. Last Saturday, January 17, 2009 I was having a rough afternoon. Sometimes, I just wallow in self pity. I usually give myself twenty minutes to do it. I actually time it, and after twenty minutes I think about what was bothering me or making me sad and then I think about happy memories. I start to insert happy thoughts into the bad thoughts I might be having. I start to think about people in the world that have it much worse than me, and believe me, someone always has it worse than you. Then I bring closure to my problem, stand up, thank God for who I am, what I am, and all my gifts, and move on.
This past Saturday, twenty minutes passed, but I just couldn't stop missing my mother. My mother has been dead for thirty six years, I am thirty nine, and I still wish I had a mother. But 93% of the time I do not dwell on it. For I know, I was not meant to have a mother. More on that later. So, on this day, for some reason, I couldn't shake wanting a hug from her.
I was sitting in a park in Walnut Creek, Ca around 1:00 pm on a gorgeous Saturday silently crying. Tears were running down my face. I put my elbows on my knees, intertwined my fingertips, and rested my forehead on my closed fist and prayed. This is what I said, "Dear God, I miss my mom. I really feel lonely, and so badly wish I had a mom to call and get a hug from. I feel so alone. Somedays I don't want all the pressures I have. I love you God, and I love my mom, and could you please just give me a sign that everything will be ok. Mom could you let me know you are here?"
At that moment ladies and gentlemen, I looked up, and there a blue bird flew right in front of my face and landed in the tree fifty feet in front of me. You are not alone, life is good, you are great, and remember, someone is always with you!

Divorce and Children

2009-01-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

It was around this time four years ago that I had to tell my children their father and I were divorcing. I talk about my divorce, and exactly what it did to my children in depth in my book. Right now, I will give you a brief sypnosis on how the divorce affected them in the moment they were told, in the following months, and what they said to me this morning, four years later.
In my book I say, "Divorce is actually a juvenile game of monopoly. Who is going to get park place (the house), the car, the dog, landing in jail is always a possibility, and you hope you don't get stuck on St. Charles place. The problem is, by the time you have moved around the board long enough to empty the bank and divide up all the property, you are so tired mentally and physically you might think why did I ever play this game."
Add kids to the mix, and divorce feels like you have entered hell! My children suffered the reprucssions from losing their house, to seeing their dog half the time, to splitting time with their parents, and the emotional rollercoaster they got on trying to figure out where they were moving,and trying to grasp how to feel safe when their whole life was turned upside down.
I sat my three children down on our couch. I told them I had something very important to say. They knew it was bad. When I told them that daddy and I were getting a divorce my seven year old at the time screamed "NO!" I sat there on the couch with my children for a long time hugging and crying. I tried to make them feel better. I explained that some things were changing, but basically, life was still happening. I told them to look out the window, and look at the beautiful sky, and the trees. I told them to stop and listen to the birds and the trees rustle in the wind. I explained that those beautiful sights and sounds were there before daddy and I got divorced, and would still be there long after our divorce. I wanted them to find peace in nature, and then maybe they would find peace in themselves.
The final words I said on the couch that day were these; "Remember, there is always someone in this world that has it worse than you and always someone that has it better. So accept what you have, embrace it, and love the hell out of it, and you will never feel unhappy or deprived."
No, I am not delusional. I understand and understood, that they are kids and all of that might not sink in right away. That is why I constantly talk about the free gifts in life and the beauty that surrounds them. I want them to take pleasure and appreciate who they are and what they are dealing with. I won't let them run from their emotions. I talk to them constantly about what they are feeling. I ask them daily, what could daddy and I do to make this life you have easier. But what I don't do is let them dwell or feel sorry for themselves. I am sorry that they went through a divorce, but I make them deal with it in a constructive and open manner. We talk at my house! My kids are coming out on top.
Sure, they are kids and they still wish we were together. As Jax says, "the problem is mommy, I am always missing you when I am with daddy, and daddy when I am with you." People, unless you are getting abused, save your marriage. Make your marriage your priority! You owe it to your kids to save the marriage. Try your hardest to fix what is broken.
In my book I talk about what I think goes wrong. Here is what I had to say. "When a person becomes complacent in their marriage and accepts dysfunction, the consequences can seem overwhelmingly unbearable. Life is meant to keep working at becoming a better person and being better to the people around you. The minute you take anything for granted and stop working to be a better wife, husband, friend, sister, brother, daughter, or son the relationship starts to slide. When you cannot stop the slide, you look to others to blame, at least, the weak do. The strong ones look within, and then change the outcome by putting up sand piles to stop the slide in its tracks. Then they get back to work together. All I can say is way too many divorces happen because egos get in the way, and if things were handled differently, we might have a far smaller divorce rate. In my marriage, we let our egos get in the way and in turn our marriage fell off the cliff."
Here we are four years later on our way to school this morning. Jax says, "this is about the time you told us you and daddy were divorcing." I got quiet. Cade says (my seven year old) "Jax is still sad. I am fine mommy." Jax says, "I will never forget when you told us. It was like it was yesterday. A week before you told us mommy, you and daddy had been fighting and I asked daddy if you guys were getting divorced and daddy said we will never get divorced. Then you told us you were getting divorced. On a scale of one to ten of how upset I was mommy, it was a THREE THOUSAND!" I said, "Jax, mommy is sorry that happened, and I am very sorry that any of my actions could possibly cause you hurt. I know you were hurting then and now at times. Your feelings are valid. You have a right to be sad. You owe it to yourself, to try and release the pain, and take something good out of the situation. You see Jax, life is not always fair. You know this. If you dwell for too long on a situation you will build up anxiety and saddness inside of you. Today is tough. Give yourself sometime to reflect on the past. While reflecting on the divorce, insert happy memories and think of the future. And realize, you never have to go through that experience again! You made it through, and you are stronger for it. Some of this might not make sense to you now. But someday it will. Then I asked them, "who loves you guys more than anyone walking this beautiful planet." Jax said, "you and daddy." I said ,"yep, have a great day at school."
Save your marriages!

I Know I Was Not Meant To Have A Mother

2009-01-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

I know in my heart and soul I was not meant to have a mother. Some say we choose our parents to teach us the lessons we are supposed to learn while here on earth. I believe, we are all here to learn lessons, each of us has our own agenda when we arrive screaming into this world. God, knows our destiny and what is going to happen to us at each moment in our life.
I have asked myself why would I choose to have my mother taken from me at the age of three, to be raised by an alcoholic, witness unbelievable tragedies with my own eyes at very young ages, to lose a best friend at the age of eighteen in a car accident, and to live a life filled with anxiety, inner turmoil, and resentment? Who chooses that? There are people walking this earth that supposedly chose worse existences than me. Some people supposedly chose sexual abuse, to live in genocide, to die be tortured in the Vietnam War, or kill others and rot away in a jail cell.
I have finally learned the answer to why I chose the path I am on, and why God threw my into my life. I have also stopped wishing that I chose the life that involves living in Connecticut with the wonderful stay at home mother that always wore the matching cardigan with pearl buttons, and a lovely pair of khaki's, and loafers that sometimes had the penny in them, and the father that was the wonderful family practitioner in town that all the families were treated by. Of course I would go to private school with all the children that my father healed, and continue on to an Ivy league college.
Nope, that was not my life. I do not knock that life. I was not meant to life that life and I have many wonderful friends that had a similar existence to the one in the paragraph above. Let me tell you the gifts that I have gotten on my very unconventional journey.
I have relationships in my life that I would never have had. I cannot think or wish for the things I might have had if my mother lived and my father wasn't a raging alcoholic, I just know what I have. I have a relationship with my sister that is the most amazing and fulfilling gift I could have ever asked for. We have unconditional love. We have a bond that is so tight that not even a locomotive going at full speed could break. I have relationships with friends that most people can only dream of.
I learned from an early age whom I could trust and who was full of crap. I had to obtain great instincts early on, or I would sink. I learned compassion and empathy by the age of seven. Do you know how far that compassion and empathy got me in life? Very far ladies and gentlemen. I learned how to nurture others and myself. I knew when to pull back and when to give my all for the good of another person. I am able to put other peoples needs in front of my own, and at the same time not lose who I am and what I need.
I enjoy a rainy day and a sunny day. I know life can be down, but I also know life comes right back up. I would never be phased by a trivial want that I didn't get. I am not even phased by adversity, an uphill battle or a set back that at the time seems like life is caving in and there is no exit. For I know, that life will always have its ups and downs, and exits on either side of me. I am sure you know the saying that what goes up must come down. I think of that saying but in a different way. When life is down, I say it must come back up. It is all in your mind and how you perceive life!
If you have an attitude of gratitude, you will continue to get gifts to be grateful for. I am grateful for every lesson I have learned, and all the gifts I have been given. I am a survivor. You can throw me into any situation and I will survive. When I was ten years old, my sister was thirteen, and my brother was eight we were stranded in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with my father. We were outside and island called Cat Cay. Our boat stopped. My father radioed for help. One minute we were frolicking in the water and the next minute my siblings and I were staring at our father and our boat on fire.
My father jumped in the water, steam rose, and I swam to him. His face looked like bacon. His eyebrows were cinged, the skin on his arms were charred so badly that it peeled up to his shoulder and left the raw skin underneath exposed. A helicopter flew him to the Miami burn center. My siblings and I were placed in a room on an island called Cat Cay with cockroaches crawling all around us. We sat on a bed hovered together with my father's drivers license. Somehow we got his wallet. I told my siblings I saw my father's face, and he will never look like that again!
It is all in my book. But don't you think that if I can survive that, the death of my mother, and all the other crap that has been thrown at me that I can surely survive most things? The answer is YES! Not only can I survive adversity, but I can survive with a smile on my face, compassion in my heart, empathy that seeps through my skin, and most importantly with forgiveness! If I can learn these lessons, and create a character that consists of all the above characteristics, so can you.
Go in peace. Embrace your life, for you are living the life you were meant to live. Love your journey, and shower the ones around you with love.
Heather

Oh, Dear, Oprah

2009-01-23T20:22:00.001-08:00

I had to write this letter after I walked by Oprah's magazine yesterday and saw the cover. I read the article last night. Prepared the letter this morning. Here is what I have to say!
Oh, Dear, Oprah,
Let me start with my praise. I grew up in Chicago, and have watched you from the very beginning. Your heart is huge, your spirit is overflowing with light, and your work to help others is courageous, generous, and unprecedented. I do love you Oprah.
Reality is this, I am very sad that you are so mad at yourself and embarrassed about your weight gain. Your quote says, "I'm made at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe after all these years, I'm still talking about my weight." Nor can I Oprah!
This is not "true" Oprah to apologize for a number on a scale. No one that realizes who you are, an angel sent By God, that triumphed over her adversity, sexual abuse, and became the wealthiest African American Woman to ever live, and has helped too many people to count does not need to explain her weight gain. Let alone, declare your disapproval of your inability to control your eating habits at times on the front cover of your magazine.
You had a thyroid problem, ate a bit too much food, and gained some weight. That is ok, and that needed to be said since you felt the need to address it. What your apologizing did was make overweight people think, once again, that they need to apologize for their weight, or explain why they are heavier than a size 0 Paris "who really care about what she's doing, and what has she ever done for the world with all her money" Hilton. It makes overweight people feel once again they need to explain their weight. Guess what? No one has to explain their weight, not even Oprah Winfrey. We love you Oprah at 200 pounds or 160 pounds.
All the people that you give charity to all year round don't care if you show up on their door step with a car, money, food, or a new house at 160 pounds or 200 pounds. When you get to South Africa to visit all those girls whose lives have been changed for the better because of you, might even be happier to see you at 200 pounds, more Oprah to hug!
I understand. You need to be happy with yourself, for yourself to be happy you have to be 160 pounds. Oprah, I am 132 pounds, I cannot say how I would feel at 200 pounds. What I can say is this; the one and only thing you have not conquered is the way you comfort yourself. You comfort yourself with food. That is OK, don't apologize or be embarrassed. This could be a life long battle for you.
As you know, better than anyone Oprah, we all have battles within ourselves for as long as we walk this planet. God, has to keep you on your toes. Life cannot be perfect for anyone. Do you realize Oprah, that your battle with weight might be because all the overweight people in the world, that are discriminated against, ridiculed, and shunned, have you, Oprah Winfrey, on their side. They can relate to you, love you, and listen to Bob Greene to make their life healthier because they look up to you.
The minute you apologized for gaining some weight, all those overweight people out there that listen to you most likely apologized to someone closest to them for their weakness with food. As soon as they saw that cover, they said to themselves, "Oh, I feel terrible, I can't control my eating, I am weak, I fell off the food wagon."
No one should feel terrible about gaining weight, especially YOU! You give more than anyone walking this planet. Do not apologize for eating some cake.
Bring thyroid issues to the forefront. Don't feel bad because your doctor told you "you must learn to embrace hunger." By the way, where the heck did you find that doctor? So you did, you embraced hunger. You embraced your thyroid problem. You got tired and you were afraid to exercise. All of those things are OK. I am sorry to tell you, but you made all those things not ok in your mind.
Karma didn't get you for being cocky at 160. What got you was life. Your battle in life, the one real battle left for you Oprah, is your weight. Embrace it and love it. This battle is not going away! For whatever reason your metabolism is slower than some; could be yo yo dieting, plus your thyroid, coupled with the way God made you. You have so much good in your life, love your food when you want to, exercise when you feel like it, sleep when you can, and strive to just stay healthy.
The worst thing you said was you were too fat to show your whole body on the cover of your magazine for the entire year of 2008. What that screamed was, "if you are over 180 pounds you should not be in any picture, you are too fat and ugly." You didn't mean it that way, but that was the way it came out.
You are a role model. People look up to you. I would never apologize for you weight or losing control with food again. The earth is a better place because of you. The only reason anyone would care what you weigh is if it would affect your health and in turn you would depart the earth before your scheduled departure.
Lastly, the shoes with purple outfit didn't help! Oprah, you are a style icon, who in the heck put you in that outfit and those shoes? You are gorgeous. I think a black Nike outfit, with some kick butt red and black shoes would have been more fitting!
Have a fabulous New Year. Remember, 2009 is about making time for yourself.
Warmest,
Heather

How to Stay Faithful in The Face of The Storm

2009-01-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

In our country right now we are all in the midst of a powerful and deadly storm. This storm has the ruined hundreds of thousands of lives, and altered the paths of many children. Our current economic crisis has taken away homes, jobs, retirement funds, mental health away from otherwise sound mental minds, and left in its wake, insecurity, panic, anxiety, and thoughts of death.
How do we keep faith and hope alive when we are faced with such uncertainty? I believe the first step is take one day at a time. This is a quote from Max Lucado that I am applying to my life right now. "Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow. You don't have tomorrow's strengths yet. You simply have enough for today. We don't need to know what will happen tomorrow."
This advice has helped me get through the closing of my business. I owned an upscale women's boutique. The economy crashed, and my boutique was hit hard. I closed the boutiqe in September. I have since taken all of my problems one day at a time. I don't focus on tomorrow, I focus on today. I am trying to teach my children to do the same.
When I closed my store, I could see the worry in my children's eyes. I sat them down and told them if God takes care of the birds, won't he surely take care of us? They are learning to have faith in the unknown in a very uncertain time of our life. I explained to them that our needs are met for today; we have a roof over our head, we have food to eat, gas in our car, and the warmth and love of one another. No, we are not going out for sushi right now, our vacations have been brought to screeching halt, and we might have to move to a smaller house, but my children and I have learned great lessons during this economic storm.
Here they are: there is nothing more important than family, nature is much more beautiful and satisfying to the soul on a Saturday afternoon than a matinee, roasting marshmallows in our fire place as a family is so much more fun than heading to Cold Stone Creamery and spending twenty five dollars, driving to LA instead of flying creates great memories withouth the hassle of getting through security at an airport, lets not forget the snacks that we get in the car are way better than the snacks we have to pay for now on an airplane, our bike rides after school are much more exhilarating than heading to Jamba Juice for a chat, now we bike ride to the park, I have personally realized Nordstrom's is not going under, I will get there again one day, and finally, we realized we don't need as much money as we thought we needed to be happy and content!
Everyday I wake up I thank God for the day ahead of me. I have faith that everyone's life will return to normalcy. I believe we all needed this wake up call. How dare we be so cavalier with our money. The irresponsiblity of us as adults was bound to catch up with us. Once again, children were the main casualties. As a child what is worse than losing your home? Not much, except losing your parent at the same time. I believe that through this storm at times we have not been there emotionally for our children due to our stress levels.
I encourage all of you to stop and appreciate whatever you have left, that the storm didn't take in it's path, and be grateful instead of bitter. Find the angel in evil, and enjoy your new way of life. Be thankful for the lesson you have learned. Finally, have faith, it will change!