US Weekly Update, March 23

It seems Jim Carrey enjoyed some time with Jenny McCarthy's son, Evan, on a beach in Malibu, March 8. Josh Hartnett got a warning ticket for speeding in Beverly Hills March 4. He was apparently driving a BMW 5 Series. What? Why such a normal BMW? Amy Winehouse was spotted buying candy in Barnet, England. In all seriousness, I am happy it wasn't heroin. Eat all the candy you want Amy.
This one seriously disappoints me. Vince Vaughn is engaged to be married. He gave his fiancee a $125,000 ring on Valentine's Day. I was waiting for Vince to find me. He never did. His loss, I would have accepted a $100,000 ring on St. Patrick's Day!
Madonna, 50, and her boyfriend, who is like 20, are still going strong. She is buying him expensive clothes, dragging him around the globe, taking him to the best restaraunts, all to make him fit into her world. I can't believe he isn't running home to be a struggling model again, and live a normal life. I am sure his declaration of love and dedication to her is real. Who really cares whom is using whom, all I care about is the fact that her very impressionable thirteen year old daughter, nine year old son and her adopted three year old son are forced to watch this. I guess I should calm down. Madonna is a great mom. Those children are not allowed to eat ice-cream, or drink milk, no TV, and magazines are off limits. I guess when your mom is Madonna you have all the trash TV and magazines rolled up in one right in front of you. First ARod, now Jesus, who is next to become a Kabbalah convert? I am guessing Roger Clemens.
Mario Lopez at some enchiladas at La Velvet in LA. Surprisingly, Tommy Lee was exchanging salivia with a young woman at the David Barton Gym opening in Miami Beach. I am always touching others lips at the gym! T.I., whoever that is, rocked out to DJ Berrie in NYC.
It seems Anne Heche's ex did quite well in their divorce settlement. The two will share custody of Homer, 7, and the ex, Coley Laffoon, will receive a lump sum of $515,000 plus $3700 monthly in child-support payments. I will not be running into Coley at Food Maxx anytime soon!
I am sorry to tell you that Martha Stewart's Chow, Genghis Khan, seriously, that is the name that was given, was killed in a propane blast at a Pennsylvania Kennel. I believe the CIA thought that some sort of new terrorist group had infiltrated the US and Genghis Khan was the leader. I am sure the CIA used a low powered air soft gun to ignite the propane tank. Martha should have registered the dog under John Smith.
Good news, 62% of people polled said they would NOT tune into the bachelor again. It seems the country is finally getting some moral standards and telling that snake Mesnick we didn't like your method of humiliating females on TV in front of millions. As usual, the victim, Melissa Rycroft, is getting the last laugh. She is looking hot and smokin it up on Dancing With The Stars!
Here are a few quotes about Nadya Suleman. "She's nuts." "Greedy." "Not capable." This next quote comes from a Beverly Hills psychiatrist. I know, I would have preferred that a Kansas psychiatrist, a bit more grounded and one that deals with normal people would have commented, but that didn't happen. So, here is what the psychiatrist had to say about Nadya after hearing a 911 tape that Nadya made after losing one of her six children briefly while pregnant with the other eight. "When a parent misplaces a child. they're going to be upset. But she goes beyond that. She's overly emotional, and the fact that she 's thinking of harming herself is of great concern." I would say she is overly emotional when she says, "My son is missing! I'm going crazy! I'm crazy!" she screamed before announcing she was going to kill herself in front of the other five children. Ok, I don't know how it feels to be pregnant with eight children, one at a time, three times, was hard enough, but I can tell you with 100% certainty, I would not threaten to kill myself in front of my other children ever, and blame it on hormones. This is narcissism at the top of its game!
Rihanna has isolated herself from family and friends. She is back with Chris. March 5 the full account of the assault was revealed. He punched her and bit her repeatedly as blood splattered; when she tried to call for an assistant to help, he threatened to kill her, then choked her nearly unconscious. I would be avoiding my friends and family if I was Rihanna also. She is confused, and does not want to hear the truth. I am so sickened by this story. I am done commenting on it. I wish her the best, and hope she doesn't end up ten feet under!
Finally, on a happy note, the cardigan is in this spring. US chose to show a camel color cardigan with every thing, but I say spruce the cardigan up. Go for some spring colors, green is my favorite. A green cardigan with a white tshirt underneath and some dark jeans exudes class and sophistication. The hair option should either be a low pony tail or wear your hair straight.
They say the four spring trends to try are: hot pink cheeks, rose lips, violet lids, and bold lashes. What they didn't say was if you do all four of these together you will be mistaken for a clown. Children will run up to you with balloons and ask for the hot dog dog. Hot pink cheeks, might work on a few of us, rose lips are great, I never recommend violet lids, and bold lashes are meant for the evening, not a run to Starbuck's.