US Weekly 738

It seems Paula Adbul once again lost in the fashion category. When will this idol judge who seems to take a triple dose of Tylenol PM before every show get it right? Her latest get up was a cross between Michael Jackson and Captain Jack Sparrow.
Lindsay Lohan is scared. She is unemployed. I am sure she has some acting talent, it has just been left behind at one of the clubs in LA somewhere. Probably near the bathroom sink where she spends time to make sure she makes it until the 4am witching hour.
The newest is he or isn't he on American Idol is Adam Lambert. I am voting for the yes he is most definitely gay. You know what sold me? The photos of him in drag kissing another man. Yep, I would say if not gay, at least bi-sexual.
I had to see another picture of my man Vince Vaughn. Only this time he was with his ex Jennifer Aniston. I could understand him choosing Jennifer Aniston over me, but not his present fiancee. I am still waiting Vince. Heather Vaughn sounds so cool. I would take your name, I am not afraid my peers in my craft will shun me or the public will reject me if I don't keep my stage name.
The question was raised who would be a better bond girl? Jennifer Aniston or Freida Pinto? Hello? Have these people watched James Bond recently? I would ask the question who would be a better bond girl? Gisele Bundchen or Jennifer Lopez?
Jessica Simpson has a new fragance out called Fancy. Fancy that, I am sure it smells really fancy, like, you should wear it out to a fancy restaurant. Surprise, her father has sent her back to her trainer Mike Alexander to resume regular workouts. It doesn't say her father was the one who sent her back to boot camp, I am just guessing.
Oh yeah, Nadya Suleman is hinting about the father of her fourteen children. It seems he is foreign-born but a California resident. I guess the media is not camped outside her house right now, so she is throwing some bones. I was just hoping he owned a company that manufactures sixteen seater vans.
Fergie dyed her hair black. To me, she is a pocahontas look alike. She claims the new dark do is "futuristic." I guess I will stay in the present.
If you can believe it Nicky Hilton and her boyfriend David Katzenberg wheel groceries to their car. That is what US magazine says. They even provided a picture for proof. Cameron Diaz gets highlights. I never knew. And finally, Taylor Momsen, who ever that is, picks out salad ingredients.
Surprisingly, there are a lot of cute off spring in Hollywood. This week they are featuring the sons of Liv Tyler, Christy Brinkley, Gwen Stefani, and Ethan Hawke. Here I thought they would be hideous.
A wonderful part about kissing Ellen DeGeneres according to her wife Portia De Rossi is, "There is no pain involved." Man stubble does suck!
Justin Timberlake is launching a new tequila in select cities in May. How do you choose those select cities? Based on illegal immigrants or where high end tequila is most sold?
Carrie Underwood snagged a white blazer and sandals at the White House/Black Market store in Nashville. Peyton Manning, who is second only to Michael Jordan in the category of whom Heather likes to sit in front of the TV and stare at while performing his expertise in his sport, ate a filet mignon at Sullivan's Steakhouse in Indianapolis. Drew Barrymore was in Austin Texas for thh SXSW festival. Don't ask, I have no idea what kind of festival this was. Maybe the letters stand for, Sex in the South West?
Reese Witherspoon is in love with Jake Gyllenhaal. He is nice. He is good to her kids. He takes pictures at her daughter's plays. They have great PDA and keep it simple. They make coffee runs and hit the beach. This story was the cover for this weeks US weekly. I would say it is slow in Hollywood.
Natasha Bedingfield got married. Another very unexciting story, unless you love Natasha Bedingfield. If you do, her dress was beautiful and made by Vera Wang.
David Letterman tied the knot. Whoo hoo. LeAnn Rimes, it seems, is stuck in her marriage. The husband follows her around and is stifling. Hello! He was her back up dancer and they married at the ripe old age of nineteen and twenty one. I would say LeAnn might be his past, present and future.
These are the women that have shown remarkable talent in recreating their look for the better: Michelle Obama, Anne Hathaway, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Biel, Tina Fey, and Kim Kardashian. What that actually means is US weekly pulled out really old pictures of the stars from their archives and then paired them with most recent pictures. We were supposed to look at the pictures and say, "Wow, what a transformation." Like I said, Hollywood must be slow this week.
Nude lipstick softens your look. Really? I thought bright red did the trick. Wear a vibrant polish this spring. If you want a peachy glow use peach blush. Are you into bombshell? If yes, clip-in extensions are the way to go! Finally for an instant change, change your part.
You are so last year if you are wearing a ballerina bun. I thought I was getting odd looks at little league last night. Taupe smoky eyes is for sure 2008. Don't you dare get caught in a bouffant bob. Damn it, I have to change my hair for pick up at school today. Feathered accessories are very wintery. It seems we would think of you as being covered up. Think about those poor peacocks in the summer, they are so out of it. Finally winged liner is no longer in. Are you asking me right now what the hell is winged liner? I will tell you. It was when you apply black eye liner to the lid of your eye and whisk the liner out past your eyebrow. Think cat eyes. Just don't do it, you will be shunned at Safeway if you do.
If you want an A-list body this is all you have to do. To remove your neck bands and chest wrinkles botox works beautifully. The cost is a mere $550 to $1500 per treatment. There is a new laser treatment to get rid of bikini line hairs. It is cheap, $200 per treatment. Don't get so excited, they recommend five treatments. Fix your hands and brown spots with $750 a session fraxel laser. Not to worry, only three of these treatments are needed. Get rid of cellulite with SmoothShapes. $250 a session, eight to ten sessions needed. I let my children know that top ramen is their new favorite meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What? I have to be A-list ready.
The must-have at the moment is Power Shoulders. They are trying to sell us on shoulder pads. The good news is this time around the should pads are much smaller. Ladies, don't buy into this. Don't even think about going there. If you do you will regret it, people will laugh behind your back, and you will be the topic of conversation at the monthly PTA meeting!