US Weekly April 4

Surprise, Victoria Beckam lost again in the Who Wore It Best competition. She lost to Monica Cruz, Penelope Cruz's sister. It proves once again eating food in moderation and not looking like a canoe paddle is the way to go. Yes, once again, she wasn't smiling.
Lindsay Lohan says the reason she is not working is because, "All the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting." Wow, I guess the sicko fans that pay her salary caused her to get caught snorting cocaine, crashing cars, driving drunk and running away from the scene of an accident. Do you believe she could be in such a deep denial about why her career went to the dumps? I believe this is another case of narcissism at its best with a celebrity and why we love to make fun of them and belittle them at times. They have a tendency to become insane and absurd.
Halle Berry's baby girl is beautiful. Cindy Crawford is still beautiful and lives on earth, not in la la land like most celebrities. Reese and Jake shared a low-key lunch.
Justin Chambers fills up his own gas tank and Shenae Grimes licks her utensils. My age is apparent at the moment, I don't have a clue to who these people are.
Great news, Vince Vaughn is renting his four bedroom Chicago townhouse for $9500 a month. This might be my way into his heart. Problem is I can't relocate nor can I afford the rent. Maybe I will just fake interest to get a glimpse into his house.
The name of the week is Ikhyd. Rapper M.I.A and her fiance Benjamin Bronfman invented the name. Now, I have a feeling you are safe to name your child Ikhyd without worrying if there will be five other Ikhyd's in the Kindergarten class. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Here is woozy! I don't even know if you all will believe this, but here it is. Lindsay Lohan, her mother Dina, and Lindsay's FIFTEEN year old sister Ali, were turned away at the West Hollywood hotspot Villa because Ali, Lindsay's sister was underage. Dina's reaction was, "Do you know who I am?" I would have said, "Why yes, a crap mother with an insecurity problem, an identification malfunction, for you and your daughter, for you are too old to be picking up twenty two year olds and your daughter is to young to be doing the same!" I am so grossed out by Dina. I have to say, she truly gets the BIGGEST LOSER award. That will be a new weekly category with my blog. She is our first winner of the Biggest Loser in Hollywood for the week award.
Yep, it gets better. Lindsay said, "You're making a huge mistake. Huge!" I wonder what she is going to do. Do a line of cocaine, get drunk, and drive her mercedes through the club's entrance?
Alex Rodriguez was never into Madonna according to Manhattan Madam author Kristin Davis. It seems she rounded up prostitutes and even had a relationship with ARod herself. She is an expert on the type of prostitute he prefers: party-girl types with long hair and curves. That definitely counts carrot juice drinker, lean body shaped like a boy Madonna out. I am sure ARod is relieved the Madam Kristin cleared that up for him!
We have found out the DWTS diet secrets. I will sum it up: eat very little, restrict carbs to orange juice, dance eight hours a day, lift weights and do not eat carbs after 5pm. The majority of the dancers are size 0. Denise Richards was so happy to go from a size 27 jean to a 24. My step-daughter wears a size 24, she is eleven! Again, I wonder why we have bulimia and anorexia problems here in the USA!
That Octo Mom is at it again! I guess she is a camera hog. Out of the 100 hours that Angels in Waiting Spent with the babies Nadya was there for only eight of them. Come on, she had things to do. Starbuck runs, shopping, tv show appearances, those nurses sure are pushy. They say she is materialistic. She bought a new jacuzzi, MAC make-up and she spent $1500 on new clothes. I was hoping the clothes were for the babies, but they weren't. Her publicist is a smart one. He actually told US magazine that he told Nadya that she can't be asking for money from people for help and then buying Starbucks coffee. I am telling the truth now, he actually admitted he now goes and gets her Starbucks so she is not photographed drinking expensive coffee that tastes like burnt mudd.
Madonna is trying to adopt another baby. That is great. Her twenty one year old boyfriend will be a great daddy by the time he has his own children.
Ripped denim is back. In all seriousness, I do love denim with a few rips. Jumpers are back. Stay away unless you work for Jiffy Lube or live in La La Hollywood Land. Neon is the color we are all supposed to scream over. I am crying. The only neon I might go near is pink. Fringe is in. Subtle fringe is great, you just don't want to get lost in the fringe.
The freshest fragances this season are Oscar de la Renta Summer Limited Edition, Stella McCartney's Sheer Stella and Jean Paul Gaultier's Classique summer. I say the freshest fragances are the ones that gel with your skin and create a fresh smell. A fragrance can smell great on you and like dog poop on me. I have worn the same fragrance for ten years, it is always in season and I always get compliments. Stick with what works.