Sex Survey....Participant Number 2

My next participant is from the Midwest. She has been married thirteen years. Her and her husband have four children.
How many times a week do you have sex?We have not had sex in a year.
Was the sex satisfying when you had it?No
Do you feel comfortable asking your spouse to try new things?I would feel more comfortable now than earlier. I guess I feel feel more comfortable due to maturity.
Would you consider having an affair or ending your marriage over sex?Not now, in the past I did. The quality and quantity used to bother me about sex. But it doesn't right now. My husband and I are focused on our four children and making our family work.
Do you think your spouse knows that you are not satisfied sexually?Yes, it's obvious. We both know it. But family is more important right now. We have a lot of love in our marriage.
Do you fantasize or wish you could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere?Not anymore. I used to wish I could have another partner for sex. I would fantasize about another man while masturbating if there was another man to fantasize about. Right now there is no good men for me to think about.
At the end of our chat this is what she had to say. "You can't build a marriage on just sex. I have learned that there is a strong connection and love between my husband and I. We respect each other, and when we stand united we can get through anything. We have so much more to our marriage than just sex."
Okay, if I didn't talk to her in depth for awhile I would believe one of them would end up in a deep dark affair. In my brain, I can't go without sex. But talking to this woman it is clear she loves her husband and family more than anything. She has truly come to peace with sex and her marriage. She loves her husband, is committed to him and will continue to make it work.
I will compare all fifteen participants answers at the end and make my own assumptions, as well as you should, but this couple seems to be doing fine without sex.

Sex Survey.....Participant Number 1

As I stated before I wrote a book on how to save marriages. I sent a questionnaire out to 100 women I didn't know and asked them all the same nine questions. Sex came up over and over again in their answers. Yes fellas, sex is important to women too. Women cheat as much as men if they are not getting satisfied emotionally and physcially at home.
I am going to let you in on fifteen different women's answers to the seven questions I asked each of them regarding sex and their marriage. These questions are not in my book, I am just doing this for my own interest and to share some insight on how to help all of us have a stronger marriage. I know there are many aspects to being happily married. I am only dealing with sex right now!
Here we go. This first woman has been married for ten years. She lives in the Southwest, and has two children.
How many times a week do you have sex with your spouse?
Once a week
Is the sex satisfying?
NO!
Do you feel comfortable asking your spouse to try new things to heat up your sex life?
In the beginning of the marriage I did, but now I do not feel comfortable talking to him about it.
Would you consider having an affair or ending your marriage over sex?
Yes, I am considering leaving my husband. An affair is a possibility. But I am not considering that just because of the sex. The sex is a big part of my dissatisfaction but there are other things also.
Do you think your spouse knows you are not satisfied sexually?
Yes, he knows, but doesn't want to do anything about it.
Do you often fantasize or wish you could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere?
Yes, often.
How would you rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10?
6
I was surprised that she rated it a six. I thought it would be more like a four. What she did say to me that made a lot of sense was, "Most marriages fail because each spouse doesn't understand what the other person wants. Sex is definitely misunderstood. Ideally I would like to have sex three times a week, but I am not even sexually attracted to him anymore."
Okay, that marriage is heading south. The real problem seems to be communication on all levels. But sexual communication can get real sticky. The one question she wanted me to ask all of you is; How do you open up communication about sex without hurting your husband's ego? Great question!

How Is Your Sex Life?

My book on how to save marriages, the title is not set yet, will be released in late 2009 or early 2010. The book has great insight on how to keep you out of divorce court. I sent a questionnaire to 100 women I don't know asking them all the same ten questions. Their answers were insightful, thought provoking, spot on, and wise. The women have been married from nine months to thirty two years. The greatest part of this book is that the advice you will be given is not coming from a man who is a doctor or a woman who is unrealistic in some of her assessments, no, this advice is coming from women just like you: soccer moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, stressed mothers, over worked mothers, under appreciated moms and wives, who are doing the best they can do to keep their marriages alive, sexy, going until death do them part from their mates, interesting, fun and lively! Not an easy task. This book has helped my relationship in the past six months so many times. I am very excited for you all to get a chance to help your own relationships through others like yourselves. Lets not forget me. I am number 101. Yep, you get my advice too!

What am I going to do now is take one of the very important elements that came up again and again on how these women make their marriages work and discuss it in detail with fifteen women that you do not know. We will be talking about SEX! It seems sex is a vital part of any marriage.

I will interview these women and blog about it. You will not know their names, only the state they live in, the age of the woman, how long she has been married, and if she is happily married. I have a feeling her sex life will directly correlate with how happy she is in her marriage.

Before anyone decides to comment that it takes more than sex to have a happy marriage you need to know, I know that! I wrote a book on this. I am taking one aspect, sex, which seems to be huge to both partners, and analyzing it first.

We need to save marriages to save children from divorce. Again, there are so many aspects to marriage that need to be discussed but we are starting with sex.